Life's a box of chocolates

My Take on Cancer

2011-03-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

I am totally amazed and puzzled at how much cancer has been romanticized. Lance Armstrong said, "Cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me." I guess if that was his motivation in winning 7 Tours d'France, he has the right to say that. But others have said, "Cancer gives my life meaning" and another, "Breast cancer is a gift." I wonder: what drug they were given to have that perspective? I have lived with cancer since 2007. What do I think of it? I hate it. Cancer is my enemy. Cancer is a curse straight from the pit of hell. Only the devil could think of such a horrible disease. His modus operandi is to kill, steal and destroy and that is exactly what cancer does.

Cancer kills grandparents, parents, husbands, wives, siblings, children, loved ones. It doesnt care how young or how old you are. It kills in a matter of months or of years.

Cancer steals whatever worldly goods you have saved. It steals the inheritance you saved up for your children. You live hand to mouth for treatments that do not promise anything. Many times you wonder: is it worth it all?

Cancer destroys whatever life you have left. Your dreams become dust. You can't make plans because you don't know how many tomorrows you have left. You are fortunate to have today. Family vacations are never the same again. Even Sundays have to be planned way in advance. Many times, I just tell them to go ahead without me.

When cancer invades your life, it brings many unwanted friends. The biggest is fear and all its cousins. Paranoia is always lurking over your shoulder. You feel a thickening under your skin and you wonder, is this a new tumor? You have a terrible migraine and you wonder, has it reached my brain? You have a nasty cough and you think, do my lungs have it now? You never know where it will strike you because it kills so quietly.

Depression comes easily. I wake up in the morning, thank the Lord for a new day and then ask him for some strength to get out of bed by myself. I was once such a capable woman. Now, I struggle to make my own breakfast. My strength has been sapped. I live inbetween naps. The legs that used to take me everywhere now don't work properly. I find myself shuffling around like an arthritic 80 year old.

Pain is another unwanted guest. When we saw a friend during his last days before succumbing to cancer, he was reduced to skin and bones and was so drugged with pain killers, we never knew if he was awake or asleep because his eyes were half-open. In this condition, you don't pray for healing. You pray for the Lord to take him quickly, to spare him of his sufferings.

Cancer has brought so much pain to me. I thought I had a high pain threshold having given birth to 4 kids lamaze style. The nurses never thought I was ready to give birth because I was still smiling at them while the other ladies in the labor room were moaning. But cancer changed all that. I have gone through so much pain, there were times when I thought death was a better alternative.

Cancer has radically changed my life and the lives of my family and loved ones. It feels like we are all in limbo, waiting for God to either heal me or take me home. Dare I say: the suspense is killing me? If I had an enemy, I would not want to wish him the curse of cancer. If it was all possible, may nobody in my family and among my loved ones ever walk this journey I am on. May this curse end with me.

So what keeps me alive? In one word: love. I look at my husband and children and know I have 5 reasons to keep on living. My mom, siblings and extended families have all rallied behind me and want to believe I will beat the odds. My friends have banded together in prayer, believing miracles still happen. I am surrounded by love that comes from even unexpected places. I feel totally overwhelmed.

But the greatest love comes from my savior. When the road seems dark and lonely, I know he walks with me. When I have no more strength, I know he carries me. When I want to dig a hole, crawl into it and leave a sign: forgotten and forsaken, he reminds me that I am precious and important to him. When I have no more hope, he wispers a promise to me and again I find myself saying: I will not let go until you bless me!
I pray that no matter what cancer throws my way, I will continue to have faith and not let go.

Cancer will never be a friend. I know that the day will come when cancer will be defeated and it will be a glorious day!

Spelldial - An Idea Whose Time Has Come

2011-02-24T00:33:00.000-08:00

Did you ever have difficulty remembering numbers? I have. Numbers don't stick to my mind. They are as foreign as another language to me. I can memorize a max of 4 numbers which is my PIN for banking purposes. Anything beyond that needs to be written down. In my life, I can count in one hand the number of landlines I had to memorize, usually my home, my workplace and my mom's residence number in the U.S.

When cellphones became popular about 2 decades ago, eleven digits to memorize was even more daunting! I was eternally bound to my phonebook. To this day, I have memorized only 2: my husband's and my own. So can you imagine the dilemna I face when I reformatted my phone and lost almost half of my contacts! Rebuilding my phonebook was a tedious, frustating task.

Then came Spelldial - a smartphone application that allows you "to dial names, instead of numbers." When you register with Spelldial, you choose your username and attach your phone number to it. So if anyone would like to contact you but does not have your number, they may just go to Spelldial, input your name and be able to connect with you --- its that easy!

Another advantage is when you need to get in touch with a business or institution and don't have the luxury of looking through the yellow pages. If they are registered with Spelldial, you simply spell our their name and you are connected in a flash. Wow, think pizza delivery, ambulance from a hospital (no 911 in the Phils.), police assistance, reservations for 2 at a restaurant.

The best part of Spelldial is that it is the brainchild of a young techie from Cebu, Albert Padin. Driven by a passion to see this succeed and assisted with like-minded friends (like my daughter Jonina), they are hoping to change the way the world dials and connects. Give it a try. It may the best thing since yahoo mail.

For Doug's Birthday

2011-02-20T21:05:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, Feb. 20, our church blessed Doug in a special way. After our guest speaker, a friend went up and mentioned about my new regiment and asked everyone to help financially. We were so touched by the generosity of God's people. Then another friend sang, "Because of who you are" which has special significance to us as a couple because it was sung during our wedding. I had a chance to start the ball rolling by sharing from my heart. Below is what I shared:

I would have wanted to talk about the 52 reasons why I love Doug but for the sake of brevity and because I don't know how long I can stand before you without tiring myself out, I've decided to talk about the 26 reasons why I love Doug times 2. Here goes:

I love Doug because

1. He likes to joke about his bald head.

2. When there was no other recourse, he changed diapers when the kids were babies and did not complain.

3. He did not criticize me the first time I cooked sinigang for him although I was offended when he made a peanut butter sandwich instead.

4. Whether a manager or a parking ticket attendant, he gives them the same attention and respect.

5. He likes talking to strangers and making friends.

6. He loves adventure --- jumping from a rope over a lake, hiking, canoeing, camping. His greatest "misadventure" was when he jumped off the second storey of the YWAM building into a pile of gravel and sprain both ankles. Zorro was a popular movie at that time and so one of our sons said: Daddy you forgot to wear your cape.

7. He taught me that relationships are very important. He has never run away from a strained relationship. When someone hurts him, he forgives, treats them civily, prays for them and tries his best to restore the relationship

8. He taught all the kids to swim even if he failed miserably with me.

9. He loves making memories for us as a family. Thrice he drove across the US and Canada so that we could see most of the beautiful sights in the 2 countries, visit friends and enjoy God’s creation. On all three times, he was the only driver.

10. When the boys had jobs delivering newspapers, he helped pack them and dropped them off their routes.

11. When I miss my focus on Jesus, he turns my head towards him again.

12. He is a walking concordance. He loves God’s word and knows many parts of it by heart.

13. In all our 22 years of marriage, very seldom have I heard him worry about money. He has lived a life of faith since he became a Christian at 18 and has never seen the Lord forsake him

14. He is a man of faith. Especially when I see the YWAM base, I know that is a physical representation of the faith that drove him to build a training center.

15. He attracts miracles --- from getting a free trip for a team of 6 from Germany to Moscow, to free roundtrip tickets for our family going on furlough from a stranger, from large donations from anonymous givers for various projects, to getting a car and a van given to us at different times, I am constantly amazed at the God things that have happened in our lives.

16. He is generous. At the YWAM base when they had a special dinner for him, someone said, Doug gives like a rich person. I guess that sums it all up. He has been so blessed with God’s faithfulness all these years, he can’t let the blessings stop with him. His motto is: when its hard to give, we should give more.

17. He loves challenges. From a half marathon at age 50, Doug has done many fun runs, sprint triathlons, another half marathon this last January and is now gunning for 70.3 IronMan in Cam Sur. I have no logical explanation for this.

18. For bedtime, he loved making up funny stories for the kids when they were little. He liked to “Christianize” the fairy tales and made Cinderella’s stepmom and sisters repent and ask forgiveness from her.

19. He participated in as much school activities as he could including leading a cheering squad when Jonina was in nursery.

20. He likes physical work. At the YWAM Base, during work program when everyone would clean the grounds, he worked with his hands to make it always looking spic and span.

21. He is spirit led. Any leading is bathed in worship and prayer, confirmation from other team members before it is carried out.

22. He cries with me.

23. He makes me laugh.

24. He is the father of our 4 good looking kids and insist that they all take after me.

25. He is always trying to learn more Cebuano or more Tagalog.

26. Last Jan. 28, we celebrated 22 years of marriage. Doug has seen my warts and all, lived with my idiosyncrasies, saw surgery disfigure me, saw chemo change my hairstyle, saw cancer reduce me into a shadow of the woman he married many years ago. He has lived through my pains, doubts and fears. For this year, he got me a card that simply said: I’d choose you all over again. That why I love Doug.

****Side lights****

As soon as I started speaking, Doug started balling his eyes out. Everything was a blur, he told me later.

Those who congratulated me and told me that they were blessed by the message were mostly men! One even asked me for my list! And he's even single!

Husband: If it was my wife up there, it would be "59 (his age) reasons why I hate my husband."

Wife (smiling at him): Start repenting!

Friend (obviously a foreigner): Marla, what dish did you cook "sitting down" that made Doug make a peanut butter sandwhich?

Me (confused for a few seconds): Oh, I cooked "sinigang" which is a Filipino sour soup.

Eulogy for My Hero, Jeanette A. Sereneo

2011-02-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

Jeanette was petite and always had a ready smile. Whatever she lacked in height, she made up in personality. Despite difficulties she encountered, she was often positive. She was a go-getter and did not let limitations hinder her. I remember seeing her at one time at the doctor's office. She had an ear infection, had herself examined and drugs prescribed and then told the doctor that she had no money to pay for his services. He had no recourse but to offer them gratis. She got what she needed.

I remember that sometime in 2001, Jeanette found a lump in her breast. The doctor told her that she needed surgery to remove it. The base staff surrounded her and prayed for her healing. The Lord miraculously answered that prayer: the tumor shrunk that the doctor called the surgery off.

A few years after, Jeanette left Cebu to follow her heart. The Lord had given her a burden to reach out to the Mabaca tribe in Abra. She left the comforts of urban life and embraced the people and their lifestyle. She trekked kilometers to where they lived. She ate what they ate (including exotic grubs!) and lived a simple life: fetching water, cooking over wood, doing without electricity. She learned their language and their ways.

When she was with them, she tried to meet their needs. She shared her provisions with those who had none, she cleaned their wounds, she counselled, she comforted, she pastored them. It was not a surprise that she endeared herself to the Mabaca people in such a short time. In my eyes, she was my hero. She embodied everything a humble, faithful servant of God is and would do.

She probably had many needs and prayer requests but I remember only three: she needed a guitar, a horse and a husband. We were leaving for furlough and the boys had guitars that were just going to be in storage. They decided to give one to Jeanette. As for the horse, she did get one and used it not so much to ride on but to carry the supplies she needed from the lowlands. About 2 years ago, the Lord answered her need for a husband in the person of Gerry Sereneo, a Mabaca convert. Gerry had just done a YWAM Discipleship Training School prior to marrying Jeanette. Together they would serve the Lord and continue to minister to the Mabaca tribe.

I remember her wedding vividly because it was so unique. It was held in Cebu and both our girls participated as bridesmaid and flower girl. Instead of flowers, they carried little clay pots with rice stalks. They wore traditional Mabaca clothing and walked down the aisle in bare feet. There was a part when a pastora to the Mabaca did a praise dance. It was a happy day for Jeanette, Gerry and for us who witnessed their union.

About the middle of last year, Jeanette was diagnosed with breast cancer. The tumor was large that she needed chemo in order to shrink it before having a mastectomy. Despite difficulties, Jeanette did well as she went through chemo. Despite Gerry's distraught, Jeanette remained firm in her faith. She was often found worshipping the Lord in song. An outreach team from our Cebu base visited her during this time. I saw a picture of her, without any hair and cooking over a large wok. She was smiling. I marvelled at her strength and good spirits.

Early this year, Jeanette finally had her surgery in Baguio (a few hours away from Bangued) and stayed with our YWAM missionary care staff for recuperation. After the surgery though, she started to feel extreme pain all down her back and had seizures. She was returned to hospital for further tests which revealed that the cancer had spread to her spinal column. The doctors could only prescribe more chemo and radiation. Jeanette was already so weak from the surgery, she knew that she could not survive another round of drugs and treatments. The doctors concurred and told her that there was nothing else they could do. Jeanette was sent home to die.

In her last text, she said that she would go home to Abra and wait until the Lord would "call her home to his palace". She thanked everyone for the love, prayers and support and hoped that they would still extend the same to her husband when she moves on. That is so Jeanette: to the very end, she was thinking of others more than herself.

Needless to say, all these news distressed me. Together with Jeanette and Gerry, we were believing for God's healing miracle. He did it once, could he not do it again? Lucille, our YWAM leader in Cebu had a good perspective. She said the Lord healed Jeanette the first time because he knew that she had a heart for the Mabaca people. She was able to go to Abra and win the village for Christ. The Lord had extended her life so that she could fulfill his purposes through her.

Jeanette lived a life of purpose and the Lord enabled her to accomplish what she could in her lifetime. It wasn't a long life but it was a life that pleased the Lord and brought glory to his name.

The last days of Jeanette's life was difficult. She was in so much pain and even had difficult breathing. These may have silenced her song but I know deep inside her heart, she was still singing praises to the Lord.

When she passed away on Sunday, Feb. 6, I learned about her death in the middle of our worship. I wept as I thanked the Lord for Jeanette and a life well lived; for enriching our lives with hers; for giving Jeanette as a gift to the Mabaca people; for the greater harvest among this tribe because a seed has fallen to the ground and died.

Jeanette no longer suffers. In heaven, her body is whole. There are no more tears. I know with all confidence in my heart that when she entered the Lord's palace gates, she heard the sweet voice of her savior say: Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into your reward.

Well done Jeanette.

22 Years and Counting

2011-01-27T19:17:00.001-08:00

On January 28, Doug and I celebrated 22 years since we stood before family and friends and committed to love one another no matter what life threw our way "until death do we part."

Doug and I are different in many ways: he's a "wake up with the sun" morning person and I find the nocturnal life more appealing. He's an incurable optomist and I am forever seeing the clouds behind the silver lining. He the spontaneous "live the moment" kind of guy and I am the deliberate "lets plan for 5 years" organizer. He's the typical Canadian who wants to be on time even for a party. I am the typical Filipino who thinks if we come on time, even the host will not be dressed yet. He likes to keep drawers and cabinets closed. I open them and think they will close by themselves. Vacations and family time together is always a priority for him. If it were up to me, our family holidays will consist of renting a movie and eating popcorn. Nothing is too expensive for someone he loves. I am always adding pesos in my head when I receive anything. Have I even mentioned humor? Filipino humor holds nothing sacred. Filipinos love to laugh at anything and everything and they don't care at whose expense. Canadians would never laugh when someone slips on a banana peel. Now you know what a Filipino would do. (I learned very early on in our marriage that I needed a drastic pradigm shift in this area if I wanted to stay married to Doug!)

Someone once said, when two people who are so different marry, it proves that God has a sense of humor. I have a funny feeling, God was rolling on his sides when I said yes to Doug's proposal!

Despite our differences, somehow we found love and love has kept us together all these years. I am grateful for his committment to me and to our family. This year, he gave me a card that simply said: I'd choose you all over again. Despite the difficult, uncertain, challenging times, his choice would still be me. What a comfort, what an anchor for my soul that knowledge is. I can continue to count on him to stand with me, walk me through and stick it out until we get to the other end.

Let me let you in on a secret: when we were on our honeymoon, Doug and I memorized scripture. Tell me: how many couples do you know did this?! We memorized James chapter 1. I remember not being very comfortable with the choice since the word "trials" appears right at verse 2. But in retrospect, the verses have become very meaningful to me personally and to us as a couple and a family. I found the version in The Message by Eugene Peterson quite interesting:

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you can become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open... (verses 2-8)

Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life...(verse 12)

So, my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures. (verses 16-18)

For sure, our faith has been tested through the various experiences we've had as a couple. We are thankful for the Father's ever present grace and mercy through the years. We pray that we will always be loyal in our love for God and look forward to a reward of "life and more life."

I am thankful for the first 22 years and trust that the Lord will grant me more years so that I can grow old with my honey.

Hope for 2011

2011-01-27T06:20:00.000-08:00

As another year turns a page in my life, I am faced with the realization that the struggle towards health continues. 2010 saw me spend a total of 7 weeks in China, undergoing various treatments after knowing the full extent of the cancer spread in my body. Oral chemo made a difference in shrinking most of the tumors on my chest. However, even before I finished 8 cycles, I noticed new small growths which signified that my body was getting immune of the effects of the drug. When I stopped the drugs, the new growths became larger and other new tumors appeared. It looked like I was back to square one.

In addition to this, I have been receiving monthly infusions for the bone metastasis. While taking the chemo drug, I did not suffer any side effects. When I stopped the drug, I began to experience body pains at different times. My energy level had likewise gone down and I had to pace myself in order not to tire myself to the point of being useless.

Over the holidays, conflicting test results delayed a prescription for hormonal treatments. I finally got new test results and have been prescribed to take drugs that should help reduce the new tumors and stop new ones from appearing. After trying to find the cheapest supplier, I started with the new drugs on Monday.

Through the wait, I found myself once again in the winter of my soul. I had thought of stopping the pharmaceutical drugs since I no longer wanted the side effects and felt like its efficacy was like touch and go. Going back to alternative supplements seemed logical but knowing that I had tried it all, made me wary about doing it as a stand alone treatment. My heart and my mind battled. Do I have the luxury of time or will waiting just put me at greater risk? Can I give myself 90 days to try out new supplements that do not promise anything? Will I be able to withstand the side effects of the drugs?

In the midst of my confusion, I felt like hope was slowly melting away. In the midst of the pain, I found myself crying out to the Lord: how long, Oh Lord? How much longer will I feed on my tears and my fears? I have tried everything but the monster of cancer keeps on rearing its head, making its presence known. I feel so battle weary and could only utter one short prayer: Lord, help!

Yet even when I feel the Lord is silent, I know that I am not abandoned. One morning when I was struggling with pain, I was led to Lamentations 3:19-24,

“The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!’”(NLT)

I know those words are true. In the three years of this struggle, I have seen the Lord’s unfailing love sustain me. He has carried me through many difficult, painful times. I have tasted his goodness and know that there is more from the source when I need it. Faithful? That is his essence.

I have been reading a book by John Ortberg (my favourite author at the moment) and a section of one chapter really spoke to my heart:

“I only know that ultimately, the choice everyone faces is the choice between hope and despair. Jesus says, “Choose hope.”

Will you keep going when you don’t know why? When you can’t get any answers that would make the pain go away, will you say, “My Lord,” even though his ways are not clear to you? Will you keep going --- with all the grace and grit and faith you can muster --- and live in hope that one day God will set everything right. Will you trust that God is good?

I think of Jacob, who wrestled with a man throughout one night and realized afterward that it was God. The man crippled Jacob’s hip and told him to let go, and Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

When the man saw Jacob would not quit, he blessed him and gave him a new name: Israel. “You have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.”

Why does God wrestle with Jacob? Why not just give him a blessing outright?

I don’t know the whole answer to those questions. I think it has something to do with the fact that God prizes that quality in the human spirit that will not give up.

God wants greatness of soul --- people who will endure, wrestle, persevere, refuse to quit, and cling to his goodness even when there is much they can’t see clearly.”

In the midst of my struggle, God is concerned about the kind of person I am becoming. Am I going to stubbornly hold on to him even when it seems like I am going down for the count? Am I going to continue believing that my healing is just at his fingertips even if my body continues to be racked by cancer? Can I be like Jacob? Can I tenaciously cling to God with whatever strength I have left and tell him that I will not let go until he blesses me?

I don’t know how long this battle with cancer will be but today, I choose hope.

From the mouth of babes...

2011-01-27T06:06:00.000-08:00

I did something brave this last Christmas. I volunteered to handle the Sunday School Christmas Cantata. It was a simple 30 minute cantata where the kids were going to sing a total of 8 Christmas carols while the young teens did the narration and reading of the Christmas story. Although we did not have very many kids in Sunday School, some children from the squatter/slum area had been attending so I thought it would be great to have them incorporated into the choir.

I did not do it single handedly of course. Other teachers helped with teaching the carols, coming up with the props and costumes, scheduling rehearsals etc. I directed the cantata and oversaw rehearsals. I wouldn’t have done it without all the help I got. I was beginning to have body pains and found myself feeling more tired than usual. There were times when I thought: what did I get myself into?

We only had about a total of 7 practices and 2 general rehearsals and had to contend with low attendance most of the time. Needless to say, we were all excited when Dec. 24 came. Just before we went on stage, we gathered the children in the Sunday School room for last minute instructions. After doing so, I told the kids that I was very proud of them because they always gave their best during the practices and sang with all their hearts. A boy from the slums immediately chirped: I’m proud of you teacher! I smiled, thinking he has just mimicking me.

(The cantata went well despite all the hitches that come with live performances. The children sang wonderfully and even the littlest ones performed well.)

The next day though, I recalled the incident in a different light. When the boy told me he was proud of me, I took it as a message from the Lord. Despite my limitations, he saw my efforts and was proud of me. I was blessed beyond measure and my heart overflowed with joy! My heavenly father was proud of me! You see, I haven’t done much since my health issues came up and I always find myself hesitating to do anything, fearful that I would not be able to accomplish what I had set out to do. I took a step and a risk and found the father pleased. What more can I ask for?

Lord, what would you have me to do?

Sharpe Update October 2010

2010-11-12T05:33:00.000-08:00

How quickly time flies and soon we will face the end of another year! How grateful we are for the Lord’s goodness!

FAMILY UPDATES

Illness made its rounds among our family members these last months. Aside from the usual cough and colds, John had dengue hemorrhagic fever (which included 5 days stay at the hospital), Ben had amoebiasis, Jonina the flu, Mandee roseola and I had food poisoning and urinary tract infection. Thank the Lord the episodes were brief and without complications.

Doug joined a sprint triathlon in which participants had to swim for 1 k, bike for 30 k and run 7.5 k. He clocked in at 2 hours, 29 minutes and 45 seconds. He finished first in the 50 and above, there were only 2 in his age group! We are just proud that he was able to complete the event without any injury or sudden death!

He has been busy teaching at our Discipleship Training Schools in YWAM. Just last week he was in Mindinao and the weeks before that he was in Iloilo (another island) teaching at a ministry training center. His last trip for the year will be in November when he helps lead an outreach team from our church to Thailand to help build a training center on the edge of the golden triangle.

Doug has been really pleased with the results of the small groups ministry in church. Members are getting to know each other better and are showing care through prayer and fellowship.

Jonina is gearing up to finally get her driver’s license. After the triathlon, she drove home to give Doug a break. After a while, Doug said: I didn’t have a heart attack during the event but I’m close to having one right now! I exchanged notes with another friend whose 17 year old just got his license and I found out that parents and teenagers who are driving is like a lighted match near gasoline! It is an extremely volatile situation! If we had 3 brakes in the same car, it would be more bearable! Problem is, Ben is at Jonina’s heels and started taking driving lessons this week. I don’t know if we will survive having 2 teenagers at the wheel! Maybe I should start walking!

John and Mandee’s lives continue to revolve around facebook and the internet. How these social networks have changed the way people connect! I am amazed at how Mandee comes home to quickly turn on the computer so that she can chat with a friend she spent the whole day with at school! John is no different. At one discipline situation, he was not allowed to log in to facebook for a month. When his punishment was finally over, his wall was peppered with messages like: are you dead? What happened to you?

HEALTH NEWS

In late September, I had a CT scan which was compared to the one I had in China in April. I was so happy to hear that the scans showed that tumors have shrunk, there are no new masses and my other internal organs look fine! There is still evidence of bone metastasis but I will no longer need to take oral chemo meds because my monthly biphosphate infusion will take care of that. I am so thankful that I will be off the meds after my 8^th cycle. Every time I took the meds, I had a different set of side effects. The doctors in China gave me a whole list of side effects and I was checking them off as they appeared. I am just thankful that “sudden death” is not one I had to check off!

I have officially appeared with my real hair since middle of September which is, surprisingly for me, very curly! I call it my chemo perm --- the most expensive perm I’ve ever had! But I am thankful that I don’t have to wear scarves or a wig any more.

I continue to be well and strong. I have gained more weight! I am now 51K and should be exercising soon to redistribute my new fat from my midsection to other parts of my body! I still have to pace myself and make sure I get enough rest. This last cycle of chemo meds has been sapping my energy so I just take a nap whenever I can.

THANKS AND PRAYERS

We thank the Lord for his constant provision for our financial needs. When I needed about CAD300 for the CT scan, I prayed to the Lord and the next day, Doug bumped into a friend who asked what my needs were. That same day, he gave the amount so that I could have the scan.

Without having to take the oral chemo meds, this will surely lighten our financial load. However, I still intend to take supplements to help my body’s immune system and fight off inflammation. The biphosphate infusion will be for another year and a half since the oncologist told me that the usual period of treatment is 2 years. So please join us in prayer as we continue to look to the Lord for our provision. We need to see weekly miracles in this area!

We would like to thank you again for all your prayers on our behalf. Thank you also for the texts, email messages, phone calls and letters we have received which encourage and strenghten us in our continued journey of faith. We realize more and more that we could never make it on our own! We are so grateful for your love and concern and pray God’s rich blessing on you and your family.

Grateful hearts

Marla, Doug and family

P.S. For more details on our happenings, you may check out my blog: marlasharpe.blogspot.com

Thoughts on Living/ Remembering Xenia

2010-10-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

Life has often been likened to a journey. We start on this journey on the day of our birth and we continue on until we pass through the doors of death. Sometimes we think that we have control over how this journey will be. We plan 5 years ahead and set up goals. We say: this year, I will do this and next year, I will do that. We plan on the premise that nothing untoward will happen to us. That everything will be fine and our plans will unfold as we give our best to reach those goals. We never plan to include accidents, illness or even death.

Three years ago on Oct. 29, a doctor in Canada told me that I had breast cancer, that I should see a surgeon immediately and have a mastectomy. All that I had achieved in the past, all my future plans just collapsed before my very eyes. Death which I thought was just a specter on the distant horizon was knocking at my door. He was closer than I thought he was.

This journey with cancer has led me to many byways, detours and dead-ends. On one hand I have faith and trust the Lord for the miracle of healing. On the other hand I tried to do what I could: researching, seeking various treatments options, consulting different doctors. I suffered from pain, lost weight, cried tears of desperation, ate food that gagged me, juices that taste like grass, did enemas, downed multiple supplements, changed my amalgam fillings --- I've done it all.

In the course of my journey, I have met others who are also walking the same road with me. Last April, when I returned to China for my last 2 cycles of chemo, I met Xenia and her mom, Tita Auring. Although a Filipina, Xenia has been living in the US since 2005. She has a wonderful career in computer systems. She was diagnosed with lung cancer 4 years ago. She underwent chemo for that long as well and nothing seemed to work. Her mom, Tita Auring, left everything in the Phils. and went to the US to care for Xenia, her only daughter after having 2 sons. When Xenia read about Fuda Cancer Center, she thought she owed it to her family to give it a shot.

I remember bringing them to our favorite dimsum place. They got tired of the food in the hospital as well and wanted to try sometime different. At the last minute Xenia was not able to join us because they needed to put her on IV so I had lunch with Tita Auring and she brought home some food for Xenia to enjoy.

I also remember sharing with Xenia my disappointment that the chemo meds did not work on me. She replied: Don't worry, they'll find something for you. She was so positive.

When Xenia returned to the US, the doctors there told her that she was worse off than before receiving treatments in China. It seemed like the cancer had spread and was affecting her vocal chords. Her voice was reduced to a whisper. When I heard this news, my heart was heavy. I wrote her an email message talking about putting her trust on the Lord Jesus and the tension of waiting for a miracle and yet, preparing for death. I was able to skype her and I was glad to see her even if I could not hear her. Tita Auring was there to tell me what Xenia wanted to say. I told her that Psalm 91 was a favorite psalm and that I wanted to read it for her. I did so and felt the Lord's compassion for her. I am glad they were encouraged by it. Tita Auring wrote later that they would read the Psalm again and remember me.

This summer, Xenia, her husband and 8 year old daughter had a holiday in Disney World Florida. She said that they could not really afford it but it was worth all the fun they had. Towards the end of their time there, she found herself gasping for breath even after just a few steps. She waited until they returned to Virginia to be admitted in a hospital.

Her situation was getting worse. The doctor wanted her to go back to her first chemo drug which did not work for her. She refused. If it didn't work then, why would it work now. The doctor told her that it could buy her some time. She told her that her body was tired of chemo. The doctor said that if she delayed in making a decision, the decision will be made for her. Xenia understood but she did not want any chemo anymore.

When her cousin asked her how she felt about her situation, she wrote: "It is what it is. I'm still alive so I still have hope. I'm not going to live my life in fear and depression. I have too much to live for. So I live (quite happily, I might add)."

She tried to change her diet but it was just too difficult for her body. She began to lose weight and strength. Then she heard about Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Philadelphia. She was suffering from pain and could not walk when she was admitted.

Tests showed that the cancer had already spread to her brain. Xenia had witnessed her father die from a seizure after being treated for cancer in the brain as well. The news disturbed her to say the least. Her uncle comforted her by telling her that the meds now are different and more effective that those her father took.

In her blog, Xenia wrote: I know that even in the worst circumstances, I am not alone. God is with me in the people around me and in the people who send their love.

On Tuesday, Oct. 27, I received an email from Tita Auring informing all that Xenia passed away on Monday night. She was able to receive the last sacraments and Tita Auring was with her. She was 35.

When I think of Xenia and many others, I know that life is fragile. Someone once said: we are all terminal but only some are lucky to know it. We normally don't live our lives with death in sight. We live as if we will live forever. We make plans for tomorrow but for some of us, we may not have as many tomorrows. In 2009 when my health was at its worst, I thought the door to death was opening for me. By God's grace and mercy, I am still here today but I must admit, that there are times when I find myself looking at the door and wondering when my time will be up.

In light of this, how then should we live? We must live each day fully. Whether you have cancer or not, live today as if it is your last. No time for regrets. No more excuses to do things later or tomorrow. Now is all we have. Regina Brett, author of God Never Blinks wrote: Each day is a precious gift to be savored and used, not left unopened and hoarded for the future that may never come.

How do we live our life fully? Hug a little tighter, love more deeply, forgive more quickly, laugh more readily and live for the Lord totally.

This journey of life will eventually take us home. And when the day comes that the door will be opened, I know it will be a glorious day!

I Love C.O.O.K.!

2010-10-24T22:57:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, we had our culminating activity for the "I Love COOK (Church of Our King)" campaign. This was done to relaunch our small groups. After some 16 weeks, the small groups did various presentations and testimonies on how their lives have been changed by attending the small groups.

Doug and I handled the parenting/marriage small group and the one that studied the book of James. We had enormous fun interacting with the different group members and grew to love them more as we got to know them better. I believe that we were able to achieve our goal of connecting and building a community of love and care for each other. The next cycle of small groups will start on the second week of November and end before the Christmas break. Already, they have announced the new curriculum which includes a study of the book of 1 Thessalonians and 2 aspects of the Purpose Driven Life among others. We are looking forward to having new members be a part of the groups we will be handling.

For the church bulletin, I wrote a short piece on why I love COOK. Here it is:

I love COOK because:

We’re multicultural – we have members from America, Canada, Burundi, Switzerland and from all over the Philippines like Bohol, Syquijor, Samar, Leyte, Iligan, Nueva Ecija, Bacolod, Davao, Bukidnon, Manila and many other far flung places

We’re multi-age – from lovable infants, hyper toddlers, equally hyper pre-schoolers, precocious elementary kids, cool hi-schoolers, uber cool college kids, hip young pros, newly married, not so newly married but still happily married, to secret seniors

We’re multi-lingual – we speak various forms of English: American English, Canadian English (EH!), British English (that’s you Lollette), Indian English (that’s you again Lollette!) Taglish, Vislish and of course French, Swiss German, Chinese and a kaleidoscope of Philippine dialects

We’re multi-talented – singers, dancers, scripwriters, video makers, props men and women, directors, keyboardists, guitar players, bloggers, painters, photographers, song writers, stage actors/actresses, bakers, coordinators, from all walks of life!

We’re multitaskers – we have a motivational speaker as our youth pastor, a manager in a telecom company who is heading our Sunday School, a great cook who keeps the office going, a pastor who is also a missionary, a candidate for a PhD making videos, a masscom senior in charge of church communications, successful businessmen handling small groups, and many others just waiting to serve.

We’re all this BUT we all love one God, one Lord, one Savior!

That’s why I love COOK!

I Am Thankful!

2010-10-12T03:13:00.000-07:00

On Monday, Oct. 11 all of Canada celebrated Thanksgiving. It is a wonderful celebration that brings together families and friends, good memories, great food and lots of laughter! Over here in the Philippines, we often let this special day slip by mainly because there is no Phil. Thanksgiving Day which serves as a reminder and we are often so busy with everything else! This year, a Canadian visited our church on Sunday and greeted Doug a Happy Thanksgiving Day. Right there and then, we decided to celebrate by having a special meal with food that is otherwise contraband (like sweet desserts, ice cream, carbonated drinks, etc.) in our household because of my change in diet. We all enjoyed it though.

As we celebrated Thanksgiving, I thought of all the things I am thankful for and my heart just overflowed with gratitude! Looking back on the year that has passed so far, I know that it is a miracle that I am still alive! This time last year, I struggled with so much pain in my body and lost so much weight. I thought my days were running out. This year I am well! The Lord is merciful and good!

Let me just fill you in with my list of "thank yous." I am thankful for:

*my husband who continually encourages me to reach for my dreams even when I am fearful and whose love gives me strength to go on. I want to grow old with you hon.
*my children who bring laughter and joy to me while challenging me to love them unconditionally - you will always be my babies
*my mom who will always be my best friend - words are not enough to tell you how much I love you
*my step dad who loves my mom and loves us all equally
*my sisters and brothers (and their spouses) whose love and support I can always depend on - my life is full because of you
*my nephews and nieces who make living worthwhile
*relatives whom I may not see often but who love me just the same --- I love you all
*my friends near or far who cry with me, laugh with me, pray for me, listen to me and my ramblings or read my blog posts
*our church family here in Cebu and Canada for all their faithful prayers, support and encouragement
*our YWAM family who have always embraced us through thick or thin
*our ministry supporters who make it possible for us to continue on the field and who continue to give sacrificially
*friends from different churches who treat us as family and who pray for me constantly and give generously
*for new strength every day --- I am grateful that I am given another day to live
*for health
*for weight (I am now 51K!)
*for hair! (even if it is a little too curly for my taste!)
*no pain!
*finances that come in just in the nick of time (God your timing is always perfect!)
*books and movies that make me laugh, stories that make me cry
*God's word that feeds my soul and comforts my heart
*Psalms that give words to my deepest emotions
*Worship songs that cause my spirit to soar into God's presence
*FOR LIFE!

Lord, for all that you are to me and for all that you have done --- in two words: thank you; in three words: I love you and in four words: I am yours forever.

My Husband: The Tin Man

2010-10-12T02:54:00.000-07:00

It must be the testosterone that makes a man desire to conquer a challenge set before him. I could never understand why my husband at the ripe age of 50 wanted to run a half marathon. Despite all my misgivings, he proceeded with his plan and finished it in spite of the pain he experienced. I was so proud of him.

Then he heard about the Ironman Triathlon. If the marathon was a bad dream, the Ironman is a nightmare! Imagine swimming 3.86 k, biking 180.25 k and finishing it off with a 42.195 k marathon. To me, the queen of a sedentary lifestyle, only the insane would want to attempt to do anything like this! Or someone like my husband!

Thankfully there are many mini versions of this triathlon called sprint triathlons. One of the more popular ones in the Philippines is done at CamSur ( on the island of Luzon). When Doug heard that one of our friends participated in a relay (a group of three with each one doing one phase of the triathlon) and finished with an impressive 5^th place, he started setting his sights on the CamSur 70.3 Triathlon for Aug. 2011.

Just last Oct. 9, there was a sprint triathlon in Naga City. It was a short notice but since the distances were quite manageable (1 K swim, 30 K bike and 7.5 K run), Doug decided to give it a try. I jokingly told him that since the distances are only a fraction of the Ironman, if he finishes the race, he will be called the Tin Man! After signing up, Doug told me that he was the oldest participant! Well, if you finish that alone will make news I said.

So on Oct. 9, Doug, the girls and I left at 5am for Naga City. As expected, I hardly slept the night before, intermittently praying for his safety between tosses and turns. I was tired but excited. So was Doug who had a nervous stomach. As we were pulling into the parking lot, we were impressed with the bikes that some of those athletes were bringing in. To the untrained eye, they just looked quite ordinary until you find out how much the wheels on those things cost! Doug had a mountain bike which a friend gave him since he started biking a few months ago.

Doug knew some of the participants and easily made friends with the others. Mateo Guidecelli, a teenie heart throb, was one of the celebrity participants. High school students who were in the plaza for a fiesta presentation provided the screams wherever he appeared! Everyone wanted to pose with him for photo ops.

Before Doug went to the sea, I gave my famous last words: Pace yourself, arrive alive and promise me you won’t die of a heart attack. The starting gun was finally shot at past 7 am. Doug did well swimming in the sea but tried to keep his distance from the others so that he won’t get hit. When he got out of the water, I thought he looked tired. Are you ok? I asked while he changed shirts and put on his biking gear. He just nodded. Then off he went on the bike. Doug later told me that the bike path was easy but those with road bikes just whizzed past him. I’m not sure how long it took him to bike but when he entered the transition area, he parked the bike, quickly put on a hat and off he went. Doug told me later that at that point, his legs felt like jelly!

We were thankful that there was a cloud cover during the whole morning of the event. Otherwise, the heat would have been unbearable! The girls and I all got a tan while waiting. When Doug finally appeared at the finish line, he clocked at 2 hours, 29 min and 45 seconds. We were so proud of him!

Later, during the awarding, Doug finished first in his age category. Need I tell you that there were only two of them! Still, Doug was a finisher and deserved the title of Tin Man. However, unlike the Tin Man of the Wizard of Oz who had no heart, Doug was all heart and gave his best. I think that will always characterize Doug in everything he does. I am so proud of my husband, the Tin Man!

Next year, CamSur here we come! (unless I can talk him out of it!)

Life Lesson from the Marathon

2010-10-12T02:44:00.000-07:00

I wrote this article after Doug ran a half marathon last January. I decided to include this as a prelude to my next post. I particularly enjoyed writing this piece and hope you enjoy it as well.

“I am going to run in the Cebu city marathon.” My heart sank when my husband Doug declared that to me in November. A friend had just told me about how someone she knew died of a heart attack in the Subic Iron Man recently. He was no newbie to the sport and he was only 52 (Doug is 50).

“Do you think you can make it?” I asked Doug.

“Well, I’ve been swimming a mile daily for almost 2 years. I’ve been doing 12 rounds at the Abellana Oval, walking and jogging for about a year and a half. So I think I can do it.” Unconvinced, I thought: Oh Lord, I don’t want to become a widow!

But nothing could deter Doug. Soon after he bought a book on marathon training and religiously jotted down his daily workouts. He read articles, looked through the athletic shops, compared notes with another friend who runs and little by little bought things that he would need: reliable shoes, a heart monitor, proper shorts and shirts, etc. I thought, it’s still a long way off; he may still change his mind.

But he didn’t. I was glad though that he decided to do the half marathon since it was his first time. About a month before the marathon, Doug announced it to the congregation in our church that he was joining and that he would like to do it to raise funds for missions. From some of the facial expressions, I could tell that they did not believe Doug could do it either! Two other guys, half Doug’s age, were also joining. I thought: that’s neat; maybe they can pick him up if he collapses!

A week before the marathon, our youngest daughter Amanda (10 years old) and I were praying before bedtime. I asked the Lord to keep Doug safe, to make sure he does not injure himself, that he won’t collapse from dehydration and that he won’t have a heart attack.

“Mommy, I was so excited about Daddy joining the marathon but after hearing your prayer, I’m now scared!” Amanda exclaimed.

“Well, we have to cover all the bases just to make sure he’ll be ok,” I reasoned out.

On Dec. 30, Doug started feeling sick. It progressively got worse over the weekend. He had some stomach bug and was miserable with some diarrhea. Maybe the Lord is answering my prayer, I thought.

Unfortunately for me, on Jan. 4, he woke up feeling better and when I asked him if he was still going to run, he answered, “Of course!” I couldn’t believe it! I started praying harder!

I attended the carbo-loading party at Ayala Terraces on Jan. 8. I got to meet some of the runners who thought that I was going to run too (“No, I don’t even walk short distance!” I told them.). It was fun listening to some of the speakers and to watch the video, “Spirit of the Marathon.” I went home remembering what one guy from the video said: each marathon is unique because you never know what your body will do to you.

The night before the marathon, I was too excited for Doug, I couldn’t sleep. He went to bed early and got up at 11:30 thinking it was time. I softly stroked his arm. Will this be the last time I will have him beside me alive? I tried to shoo the morbid thoughts from my mind. I prayed and sensed the Lord said that he would be ok. That calmed me.

He got up at 1:30 am and I finally fell asleep. The next thing I knew, the alarm went off at 4:30 am. I hurriedly woke my two girls up. We walked from the house to the corner of Escario and Osmena, across the Capitol building. It was almost 6 am when we saw the 2 young guys from our church running in tandem. Doug was not with them.

“Did you leave Doug behind?” I demanded to know.

“He has a pain in his hamstring,” they both replied.

Oh no, I thought, not good news. I wonder if he will still run the whole way. We waited to see if he was still in the pack. After about another 20 minutes or so, I spotted him doing a light jog. The girls called him and I asked, “Are you going to make it?”

“I hope so. I got this pain after the first kilometer.”

I doubted that he could make it but then after being married 21 years to him, I know that Doug is not a quitter. I was just concerned that he will injure himself seriously. I prayed that the Lord will miraculously take the pain away.

Some runners started to run back towards the finish line in IT Park close to 7 am. We looked at some of their faces and it looked like only sheer determination was causing them to continue running. I started to cry. What about Doug, I wondered.

Two ambulances passed in front of us and I strained my neck, trying to see who was in it.

“Mom, why are you peeping at the ambulances?” Amanda wanted to know.

“Well, you never know,” I told her simply.

One young guy from the church ran back, blowing kisses to us while we cheered him on. About 30 minutes later, the second guy passed us, walking. He said his last sighting of Doug was on the SRP when he was on the return.

I was surprised that he made it that far! It was almost 8:00 am when we spotted him. “How are you? Are you going to make it?” I asked my famous question.

Doug slowed down and approached us so that we could all give him a hug. We got drenched from his sweat.

“I’ve had this pain all along. If I stopped, the pain was worse. I just ran with the pain and prayed all the way,” he told us as he continued his run.

“You can do it,” I encouraged him.

Three hours and forty-six seconds after the start of the marathon, my husband crossed the finish line. I was so proud of Doug, so proud that he finished the race despite the pain in his leg. You see, I am living with cancer and have had to deal with a lot of pain this last year. Many times I felt like the grave would just swallow me up. It seemed easier to give up than to keep on going, fighting to stay alive, believing that I will feel better tomorrow.

It’s true: you never know what your body will do to you but the marathon of life goes on. You have a choice: give up or press on. When Doug ran, I felt like he had identified with my pain and courageously continued with his trek and made it to the finish line. I still don’t know what else my body will do to me but I know that with God's grace and the encouragement of my husband’s experience with the marathon, I will make it. Some day, I too will know the exhilaration of crossing the finish line.

Hospital Duty

2010-08-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know of anyone who likes to stay in the hospital. After being in Fuda Cancer Center for a total of 7 weeks, I do not relish any remembrances of that time, except of course for the wonderful people I met. They made my stay bearable.

Two weeks ago, our son John had high fever (39 degress centigrade and higher) for 3 days straight. On the 4th day, I had him take a blood test and the results showed that his platelet level was low (87 when the lower limit is 150). This confirmed that he had dengue hemorrhagic fever which is caused by a mosquito. We had him admitted that Saturday as the doctor ordered. When we told John what was to happen, he only had 2 questions: Is there a TV in the hospital room and do they have cable? When I answered yes to both questions, he had a smile on his face like he was going on a holiday.

Let me tell you that in the Philippine culture, when someone is admitted, it is expected that a family member will act as a caregiver. The caregiver is always there to attend to the patient's immediate non-medical needs like helping him go to the bathroom, change his clothes, get him food, water, etc. Unfortunately, hospitals don't help in making the caregiver's life any easier. First of all, the caregiver is given a narrow cot for a bed. I took one look at the cot and knew that you should be only 4'10" in height to be able to fit on it. Since I am the shortest adult (5'3") in the family, I volunteered for hospital duty.

Secondly, the hospital makes sure that nobody gets a good 8 hours of sleep while confined. They wake the caregiver up at any time and expect them to be coherent enough to answer all their questions about the patient.

We stayed in a hospital room that had no windows or a clock. Since John was sleeping at odd hours, he never knew what time it was except when I was awake and he would ask me if it was morning, afternoon or night time. A nurse would come it at about 2:30 am, flip the lights on and cheerfully greet: Good morning! I have to take your blood sample. After she would leave, John would switch on the TV. What are you doing, I would ask. Mom, it's morning already. John its not even 3 am, turn that TV off and go back to sleep!

Another thing we had to get used to was having countless of people walk in and out of your room. There are untold number of nurses, nursing interns, nursing aides, doctors, residents, etc. It seemed like we never saw the same nurse twice in our 5 day stay at the hospital.

John's fever finally broke early Monday morning. The doctor informed us that this was the most crucial time because they expected his platelets to drop and we had to watch out for signs of bleeding, externally or internally. The doctor asked if he had rashes. John showed the doctor that he had a mild rash on his foot but did not complain about itching.

True enough, John's platelets dropped to 30. The doctor told us that although he had no fever, no bleeding and looked well, they could not discharge him until his platelets count will go up to 90. They had to draw blood from John twice a day to monitor this. On Tuesday, it had gone up only minimally to about 39. In my mind, the taxi meter was ticking faster. The longer we stayed in the hospital, the more expensive it was going to get! In the afternoon, the number had gone up to 47.

I was getting antsy. I knew that we had stayed too long in the hospital already. First of all, John started to like hospital food. During the first few days, he would look at his plate and ask me to identify what was on it. I looked at something that resembled a dirty maroon rag and told him it was corned beef. He looked at it hesitantly until I insisted that he eat it because we are paying for it. Now, he ate everything on his plate, including the overcooked vegetables.

Secondly, it felt like the cot I was sleeping on was getting shorter everyday. Either it was shrinking or I was growing taller.

Thirdly, I started to resent being woken up for the nth time during the night. One time at about 2 am, the nurse came in and told me that the doctor had prescribed an anti-histamine for John's itchy rash. I told her that he did not need it because it wasn't itchy at all. "But the doctor said..." we went back and forth for a while and then I said, "Why don't you just take it yourself!" and then rolled over and went back to sleep.

That was the last straw. I was turning into the big bad wolf! I was ready to devour the next nurse that would enter the room! Fortunately, morning came and so did the doctor with good news: John's platelets count was now over 100! I was never so happy to go home!

I was so looking forward to going to sleep in our large bed when Mandee came down with a 39 degree centigrade fever that night. After giving her a paracetamol and praying for her, I cringed at the possibility that she may also have dengue and would need hospitalization. Oh well, I comforted myself, at least I'll get to see "I love Raymond"on cable TV again!

for my mom's birthday

2010-08-05T23:41:00.000-07:00

Last July 25, my mom marked a milestone: she turned diamond! ( That sounds better than putting an age which she will probably disown.) We set up a blog for her and asked our family and friends of hers to post their greetings for her. We had a theme of: My unforgettable memory of Aleli is...We are happy to hear from some people whom she has not seen in years or had contact with. Both my brothers waxed eloquent in expressing their love for mom. That was a real eye opener for me and it warmed my heart to read how they felt for her.

Below, is my post to my mom:

As long as I can remember, my mom's beauty haunted me since I was a little girl. People would tell me: "Your mom is very beautiful (and add rather apologetically) but you look like your dad." So I grew up aware that I could never match my mom's good looks. That thought disappointed me to no end but as I grew, I became aware that even if I would never be a beauty like her, at least I was attractive in my own little way.

When I got married, mom was already living in LA for several years. Doug and I had planned our wedding up to the last detail. Mom and dad did not arrive in Manila until a few days before the wedding. She had no idea what my gown would look like nor how I would have my hair fixed.

I dressed up in a friend's house where I was boarding for the last few months. Sandra stayed with me on the eve of my wedding because the make-up artist was also going to do her face. We travelled together in the bridal car.

When I got to the church, Sandra and Carlo left to make sure that every one was ready for the processional. I stayed in the car and waited for my cue. Mom came down the church steps and peeped in the car window. I lowered the window and said, "Hi mom." She looked at me with a big smile and gushed: "You're so pretty!" I couldn't believe it! Mom's first compliment to me about my looks!

When I walked down that aisle, I must have exuded a special glow not only because I was marrying the man I love but also because I was complimented by the most beautiful person in my life: my mom.

Happy birthday mom! No matter what age, you will always be beautiful---inside and out!

Sharpe Update July 2010

2010-07-19T01:21:00.000-07:00

Summer this year was a blast! Of course many of you know that my mother and siblings were in Cebu for a reunion of sorts. What a wonderful addition to our scrapbook of memories! Another highlight was the trip to Kota Kinabalu where we met the other missionaries of International Pentecostal Holiness Church (IPHC), the denomination which oversees our local church, Church of Our King. Although it was our first time to meet many of them, we felt very welcome and loved. The kids and Doug had a chance to visit Siargao (in Mindanao Island) just before the classes started. They tried surfing and did well on the long boards, including Mandee! My cousins from Manila and Davao also visited us for a few days. It was lots of fun catching up on what has happened since we last saw each other a decade ago!

Summer is over and we are back to life as usual. John (3rd year high school) and Mandee (grade 5) are still in PCGS. John wanted to join the Homemakers Club because he is interested in cooking. Unfortunately about 100 other boys applied for the same club and the teacher has limited the membership. If he can't cook, then he decided to try out for the next thing he likes to do: sing. He auditioned and was accepted into the glee club. Mandee is also with the elementary glee club and is an assistant scout leader.

Jonina decided to shift courses and schools to Mass Communications in the University of San Jose Recolletos. She has been thinking about doing this since last year as she was not quite satisfied with the Special Education program in the other university. We feel that this course is more in line with her giftings. She enjoys writing and is thinking about going into film making.

Some of you may have been aware that Ben had hoped to do a YWAM Discipleship Training School in YWAM Maui, Hawaii this September with his cousin. Unfortunately, he was not accepted for that school because he is underage (he turns 17 this Oct. and YWAM would prefer to accept 18 year olds and older). We wrote the registrar to reconsider their decision and made this a "fleece." When they decided not to reconsider, Ben immediately enrolled as an engineering student at the University of San Carlos. Except for his long travel to the campus, he seems to adjust well to college life since he has a couple of high school and church friends in the same university.

Doug is busy as the church has relaunched small groups this month of July. He has been preaching on the importance of community. We had a formal launching last Sunday with an "I Love COOK (Church of Our King)" campaign. We sold t-shirts, had balloons, set up the sanctuary like a cozy home, sang a special ditty for the campaign, had a game, snacks and time to sign up for the different age cell groups. It was a fun time and we were happy with the results of the sign ups.

He has been traveling as well for meetings with regards to YWAM. He is part of the national leadership Team of 4 and is in charge of pastoral care. He recently finished teaching at our DTS last week and is considering an invitation to Cambodia in January.. In June, YWAM Visayas gathered together to celebrate YWAM International's 50 years. We had a great time remembering the past, celebrating the present and praying in new bases and staff for the future. I had not seen many of our staff since April 2009 so it was a great time for me to reconnect and to thank them for all their prayers.

Many have written to ask how I am doing health-wise. Well, I am so happy to inform you that the oral chemo meds have been working! My large tumors have shrunk and the smaller tumors are getting softer and are also shrinking. The Lord is good! I am still experiencing some side effects but it has not been traumatic at all. I have to keep tabs on my blood counts just to make sure that my immune system is not so compromised. On July 7, I had a blood transfusion to put my numbers up.

Another good news is that I have now gained some weight! I am 48K (a little over 105 lbs) and am always hungry! I hope I can gain more. I now also have more hair than Doug! Doug said it was weird for him to wake up and see another bald head in bed! I hope that in a month or two, I will be able to go without a wig or a head scarf. The boys can't wait until its long enough to spike!

My energy level is good and I am able to do some errands or do the groceries. I try to pace my activities and give myself lots of time to rest. I certainly feel like I have my life back and am so thankful to the Lord for his grace, mercy and loving kindness! I am always thankful for you all who have been so faithful in prayer and giving!

Something to pray for:

The expenses for the oral chemo meds and a monthly biphosphate infusions for the bone metastasis have been draining our limited resources. There are also other expenses such as lab. tests, supplements, injections, doctors fees, blood transfusions, etc. We are thankful for how the Lord has been faithfully meeting our needs and we continue to look to him.

Doug usually returns to Canada every two years to reconnect with family, supporters and our home church. In our present situation he says it looks doubtful. As always we will leave it in God's hands, He knows the best timing for all things.

With much gratitude for God's goodness,

Love

Doug, Marla and family

__X Education

2010-06-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

The announcement of the Department of Education that they will include sex education in the basic curriculum stirred up a hornet's nest. Groups pro and anti started hurling arguements at each other. Lawsuits are even being filed to nullify the DepEd order. One proponent said that if the word sex is so offensive, maybe they can just call it gender education. The antis would not have it. A rose by any other name will still smell like a rose. Sex by any other name will still be malodorous to some nostrils. The antis want sex education to be the parents responsibility. I totally agree except for one good reason: my mother never talked to me about sex so how could I talk to my kids about it!

Well, actually, my mom did try to tell me the story of the birds and the bees when I was about 10. I remember she was reading a magazine and then called me over(in retrospect, she must have been reading an article on how to talk to your child about sex without offending them). She first asked me if I knew where babies come from. I told her no and I should have added, I don't really care because the thought never crossed my mind. Anyway, she started to tell me that daddy would plant an invisible seed in mommy's tummy and that seed would grow into a baby. While she was talking symbolically, I was thinking literally. I imagined my dad going really close to my mom, holding this invisible seed (from who knows where!) between his thumb and forefinger and pushing it in my mom's tummy. Much like a farmer planting a seed on the ground. Nine months after, a baby is born. My mom never asked me if I had any questions. If she did, I wouldn't know where to begin!

All I know is, after that little talk, I made sure I was never too close to a boy because he may plant a little invisible seed in my tummy without me knowing about it! What a tragedy that would be! Not knowing who the father of your baby is! With that as my introduction to sex, I knew I wasn't the expert who could talk to my kids about it.

Jonina later told me that one day in elementary school, a classmate bragged that she knew how babies are made. She then revealed the secret of copulation to the curious. Jonina was flabergasted! "What! My mom had 4 kids and she never did that!" Wow, the Virgin Mary could only boast of one immaculate conception. I had four!

Since I pleaded ignorance, like a good dad, Doug took the responsibility of educating our children about sex. He told me that his talk with them was brief and straight to the point. Like me, none of them had questions. I think they were thinking in their minds: why would anyone want to do that?

Amanda just started grade 5 and for their first science lesson, they had to learn the different sexual organs and the process of reproduction. Since they were going to have a test, I had to review her (I couldn't back out on this). I tried to be as clinical as possible. Except for a "ewwwhh, gross!" and covering a detailed picture of the male genitalia with her hands when I turned the page, she kept her thoughts to herself. When Jonina learned what Mandee's science lesson was all about, she teased her about already knowing about sex, Mandee looked perplexed and asked, "I do?"

Just what I suspected! The lesson just flew over her head and she had no idea what all those body parts were leading to. Maybe my mom's story about the invisible seed may interest her more...

Letters from Amanda

2010-06-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

Amanda came into our lives like a P.S. in a letter. Our third child John was turning 4 and ready to tackle pre-school and I was turning 40 that year: too old to have babies and too young to be a grandma or so I thought. But a month before giving birth to John, I just had a great desire in my heart to have another baby girl whom I planned to name Amanda which meant "much loved." I kept that longing a secret in my heart and wondered if indeed the Lord would bless our household with another girl.

When I found out I was pregnant, the kids were so excited! Jonina (then 9 years old) put in her request for a baby girl. Ben (6) wanted a baby boy and John was happy enough to get a baby pig! When Amanda was born and Doug broke the news to the kids: Jonina was elated, Ben was disappointed, John shrugged his shoulders and suggested, "Let's call her skunk!" But as soon as they laid their eyes on her, Amanda (we also call her Mandee) was much loved by us all.

Today Mandee is 11 years old and is raring to be 18! She still likes to play jackstones, tag, Go fish and thinks wearing a bra is so embarrasing. She can't wait for her feet to grow so that she can wear my shoes. She loves Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, the Jonas Brothers and American Idol. She is always on facebook and chats with her classmates and friends on YM. She loves to sing and hopes one day to join the church worship team.

In the school where she goes, they have a diary which is used as a journal for the kids to jot down thoughts and happenings in their daily lives. Mandee always addresses her letters as: Dear Diary but actually, she is writing to her teacher. I love reading those letters because it gives me a glimpse of her heart. They are sometimes funny and amusing. Other times, they are thoughtful and revealing.

Let me let you in on some of her letters:

Dear Diary,
...Yahoo! We have PE today. I like PE. How about you teacher? You like PE? What was your favorite subject when you were a kid?

...It is my sister's birthday today. She is 18 now. I wish it was my birthday so I can be 10. I like to be 10.

...(do) you like to be with your boyfriend? Do you want to go on a date with him? Do you like to be with him often? (teacher replied: all yes! hahaha!)

...check what you like: ____cute boys ______cool boys _____smart boys

...Are you close to D (name of teacher's boyfriend)? Can you tell me more about him? I want to know more please. (If you do) I will tell you (who) my crush (is).

...I wonder what kind of pop star I look like? I would like to look like someone who is pretty!

...Teacher, do you want to get married soon? What age do you want to ge married? Me I want to get married at 28. My mom got married at 30! For me that is old.

...What did you like to do when you were small? Did you like to go to school or did you hate school? Me, I kind of hate school. I liked it when I was in pre-school because my mom was my teacher so it was fun. She has her own school and I went there.

...Today is a bad day. Tina cried. I feel sad for Tina --- always doing her best and people are not listening to her. I wish people would just listen.

...Do you like a husband who is kind or handsome or funny or all (that I mentioned)?

...Well I need to tell you something. My mom's tumor was getting smaller and smaller and that was good. But this month, it got bigger. I touched it and it is really big. Our family is giving out newsletters to the people who are praying for my mom. I am soooo sad :( but I know God will heal my mom. But please pray for my mom. She needs prayers. Our family needs people to fight the battle for my mom's life. I feel like crying teacher.

...Teacher, thank you for praying for my family. I love you teacher! I really hope my mom will get all better.

...I wonder why Korean singers are so popular. Their songs are so annoying for me.

...Today R hit me on the head (Mandee then describes in detail all that happened)...It hurt so much and then I choked him. The end.

...I wish I didn't need to go to Chinese tutor...but I (would) rather play with my friends because I am still a kid. I want to be free and enjoy life. Teacher do you think that's good for us kids?

The winds of time flip through the pages of our lives. Dust settles on teddy bears, Barbie dolls and pocelain tea sets. Very soon, high heels and make up will be her favorite things. In a blink of an eye, my little girl will give way to a lovely young lady. Someday she will fall in love, marry a lucky young man and have her own babies. When that happens, I pray that I will be around to share her happiness and cry myself silly at every happy occassion. When times are tough, I want to be there to hold her hand and tell her everything will be ok.

But until that time, I will cherish the little girl who still wants me to tuck her in bed and tell her stories of when she was a baby.

Raising Teenagers

2010-06-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

My dear friend and fellow-blogger, Lolette suggested a topic for my next post: the joy of raising teenagers. Joy...teenagers? It seems like an oxymoron. Is there joy in raising teenagers? Challenge seems like a better word. Insanity is a close second.

Teenagers are bundles of contradictions. They want you to treat them like adults but they act like kids half their age. They want their freedom but don't give them any responsibilities because, "Mom, that's your job! I'm just a kid!" They think its ok when they walk around the house in their underwear like when they were toddlers. When it comes to their clothes, your opinions hold no candle to what they think is hip and acceptible.

Just recently our two teenage sons came home 2 hours after their curfew. Like any good parent, we discipline our children with the hope that they will learn to live within the boundaries we put around them, in order to protect them and help them make wise choices for themselves when they grow up. No matter what age, discipline is never fun for a kid. When I started having kids, people told me to beware of the terrible twos. When it comes to discipline, I would rather have 20 two year olds anytime instead of my 2 teenage sons for 3 reasons: first, most toddlers are less than 3 feet tall which makes it easier for a mom to take a child over her knee into spanking position. Secondly, you don't have to explain to a toddler why you are punishing him. All you have to do is blurt out a sharp "No!" and whack his little hand or his little behind. Thirdly, because a toddler's vocabulary is limited, he can't talk back to you.

Now, lets go to my 2 teenage sons: one is 6 ft. and the other 5'10" (includes spiked hair). It would be pretty cumbersome for me to try to pick them up and put them in spanking position. In fact, they could easily pick up my small 5'3" frame without much effort! Whacking their behinds? I may break my hand because after working out in the gym, they brag about having buns of steel! Secondly, they want a precise, logical explanation why they must be punished. I'm beginning to think a year of law school may be good training for mothers of future teeners. Thirdly, they can talk your head off, turning every stone to come up with every reason why they should not be punished. For every half sentence you give, expect 5 sentences from them. Before you know it, you're mentally exhausted and you can't remember why you were disciplining them in the first place! Give me those toddlers anytime!

Going back to their infraction of curfew-busting: my husband Doug talked to the boys a little at the breakfast table to remind them that their action the night before could not go without consequence. They would have to be grounded. He had to leave for work so I was left behind like Daniel in the lions den.

"Mom, how long is our grounding?" asked Ben.

"Well, I wanted it to be until you're 35 but dad thought I should be more merciful so we decided 1 month is enough."

"What! One month for coming home late only once!" Ben could not believe his fate.

"Actually, that covers all the other times when you should have been grounded in the past but we just let it go."

"Mom, isn't there a verse in the bible that says you can't do that!" All of a sudden, my son who doesn't read the bible unless we ask him to has become biblical! I remember when he was 5, I asked him, "What does the bible say about what you should do when someone hits you on one cheek?" Ben answered, "Hit him on the other!" I should have recognized the signs early on. Now, he wrinkled his forehead, trying to remember a verse.

"Do you mean the 11th commandment?," I tried to help him remember, "The one that says, Parents thou shalt not punish your children for more than 1 sin at a time? Sorry, that verse doesn't exist."

"I know: its don't keep a record of sins!" Ben sounded triumphant that he finally remembered something.

"Hmmm, that does not include parents! Parents have to remember their children's sins so that they can punish them," I concluded. If he can't give me the reference of the verse, I can just give him my interpretation of it!

"Mom, one month is not fair!" John blurted out. This son has a future as a trial lawyer at best or a police interrogator. Many times I long for the days when he was only 1 year old and all he could say was "mama." Then, it was like music to my ears. Now, when he calls my name, the hair on my nape stands on end and I hold my breath for what comes next!

"John, life is never fair so live with that!" I told him philosophically.

"Is that in the bible?" he asked.

"No, its from the School of Hard knocks!"

After going through more grumblings, I found my mind wandering. I looked at my two sons and asked myself: did I really give birth to these two? I was an obedient child so how could I give birth to two rebellious boys? I began to come up with a fantasy: maybe my "real sons" were switched at birth! Somewhere in the city, my "real sons" are obedient kids who never bust their curfew, they study without being nagged, read their books and fill their notebooks with notes (not graffiti), receive every academic award in school, never run out of allowance, are kind and considerate to their sisters...

All of a sudden, my mind goes back to the present when I feel a kiss on my cheek.
"I love you mom," says Ben.

"I love you too son."

A little later, I hear John call out, "Mom!" The hair on my nape stands and I am holding my breath for what comes next.

"Give me a hug, " John says.

I stretch out my arms and we hug. John gives me a kiss on the top of my head.

I smile and tell myself: until I get reunited with my "real sons," I think I'll just keep these two: they may not be so bad after all.

Being a Mom means

2010-05-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

Here's a belated Mother's Day post. In a span of 10 years, I was either pregnant, breastfeeding or potty training. After 4 kids, I realize I'm no expert and there were times I wondered: Lord, what have I done to deserve this! Is there any sin I haven't confessed? But I have many good memories too and I would never trade those for anything else in this world! So here's to you moms:

Being a mom means...
...getting rid of those high heels that you love wearing because its impossible to run after a toddler in the mall with them on
...forgetting to match your shoes with the baby bag which has become your all year round accessory
...learning to do everything with one arm, even cooking a meal because you need to hold a child with your hip and other arm
...stop eating in the middle of your meal, picking up the stinky baby, changing a diaper and returning to your meal with the same gusto as if nothing happened at all
...walking in your sleep to the crib to pick up the crying baby because your husband who is normally sensitive to noise is all of a sudden deaf
...letting the kids get the best parts of the chicken and learning to really enjoy eating what's left
...having a baby who farts really loud and saying, "excuse me" when everyone looks your way
...trying to explain to your daughter that her new baby brother has different private parts
...taking pictures of your naked babies with the intention of showing these during their wedding reception
...playing monopoly with your kids and giving them all your money when they run out of theirs
...not acting surprised or raising your eyebrows when your child receives the Most Behaved certificate in school
...keeping cool when your son has a gash on his head and you can see his skull when you clean up the blood
...learning to skillfully manuever a stroller on the up or down escalator without causing an accident
...asking help from the Lord when your one year old stuffs a bean up his nostril (thank God he sneezed!)
...mastering the art of pulling out your breast in public to feed a baby without catching everyone's attention
...realizing that with the addition of each child, your love is not divided but multiplied
...even if you fumble big time and ask for your child's forgiveness, he/she is always willing to forgive
...loving every home made card with stick figures and scribblings that say you are the best mom in the world (Hallmark cards could not compare with these!)
...feeling every hurt in your heart when your child is bullied or unjustly treated by others
...hearing a small voice say, "Mom you're talking in your sleep!" when you realize that you had fallen asleep while reading a bedtime story
...believing that even if your child's ranking is 17 out of 24 students in his class, he will someday grow up and do important things for this world
...making a big thing out of their birthdays because you're just glad they were born
...blowing into fat tummies and hearing laughter peal from tickled babies
...understanding what God's unconditional love is about because there is nothing your child can do to make you love them more
...giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and ...
...even if all your kids grow up to be taller than you, you will always remember the time when they were small enough to sit on your lap and you could give them lots of hugs and kisses whether they liked it or not
...even if the day has been horrible and yet you gave it your best shot, you know that the Lord's love and grace will patch up the holes
...loving the child with all your being the very minute you learned you were pregnant
...realizing how much your own mom loves you and appreciating her for all she has done for you
...investing your love, time and life on a child without expecting anything in return

and the list goes on...

Family Reunions

2010-05-10T06:43:00.001-07:00

I love family reunions! I love it when we are all together, flipping pages of our memories: our childhood days, people we love and meaningful events --- all these forever etched in our hearts. Our memories become like pieces of jewelry that we lovingly show off to each other.

I guess I am fond of reunions because I have lived away from my family since I was 14. When my dad and mom decided to relocate to Pagadian after living many years in Manila, my sister Sandra and I ended up with my Uncle Rudy and Auntie Letty in Cebu while we pursued our high school studies in St. Theresa's College.

My dad died suddenly of a heart attack that same year we moved. Since then, I found myself living with relatives or staying in dorms as I finished my high school and obtained a university degree. I found employment in Manila and was later joined by my siblings as they graduated from high school and took their college courses in Manila. At one point, four of us stayed in one apartment.

In the meantime, my mom met my stepdad Landon. They got married and mom and my youngest brother Alvin moved to the US in 1983. My youngest sister Vivien joined them the next year. For the longest time, half of our family was in Manila and the other half in Los Angeles: separated by distance but held together by the telephone wires! The only time we were all together was during my wedding in 1989 and then during Dino's wedding in 2000. Those were special times because we were complete then: all the spouses and children were present.

It always seemed difficult to get everyone's schedule synchronized and we were at different levels in our finances which made it challenging to get everyone together. So it was a wonderful gift from the Lord when my mom and all my siblings from the US and Manila flew to Cebu to spend time together while I had a break in my treatments. Although my 2 brothers-in-law did not make it and the only cousins that came were the 2 sons of my 2 brothers, we had a grand time!

We spent a week at a resort in Mactan. The amenities and the food were great but nothing compared to the stories and the laughter that we all shared. Somehow when we are all together, we are young once again, life is uncomplicated and even if it wasn't perfect, it was good. We would laugh at the crazy things we did, remember fondly those who are no longer with us and make fun of ourselves now. We caught up on everyone's lives, listened to our hopes and dreams for the future, shared our pains. We have lived many years apart from each other but when we are together, even for a brief moment, we are "home."

My cousin Chris puts it succinctly: the biggest blessing in our lives is simply the presence of people who care much, whose love is real and who see us beyond ourselves.
I wish I had my mom and siblings closer to me but we don't live in a perfect world where we get everything we wish for. My only consolation is that the love we share will always transcend time and space. Other people may boast of many things they have. I can boast of my family's love and know that I am overwhelmingly blessed!

I'm Home!

2010-05-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, April 25, Dr. Zhang and Dr. Wen (the head doctor) met with me. From their assessment, my body has not responded as expected to the 3 cycles of localized chemotherapy. Although the one tumor under my armpit did reduce in size slightly, the other new tumors are still the same size. They had planned to do a cryosurgery on me on Tuesday, April 27 but decided against it because at present, the area where the tumors are is quite extensive. They decided to put me on oral chemo meds instead with hopes that the smaller tumors will shrink. If that happens, then I have the option to have cryosurgery on the remaining tumors in the future.
Since the meds are cheaper here in the Phils. and they do not expect the side effects to be severe, they suggested that I go home and do 2 cycles of oral chemo (2 weeks on the meds and 1 week rest is one cycle). I have to observe the tumors reaction to the drug, as well as have a blood test to make sure that my white blood cell count is not too low.

My initial reaction was a mixture of disbelief and relief that I could go home so soon and yet there was some sadness and disappointment in realizing that their treatments did not produce the results they expected. I asked, what if this oral chemo does not work? They said that then I would have to try hormonal treatments.

I was glad that there were enough seats on the flight on Wednesday, April 28. We spent a few hours in my brother's home in Manila to sleep, eat and visit. Later that day, we were back home. It's great to be back --- to see the Doug and the kids. Even if the temperature is unconfortable (its a blessing not to have hair at this time!), I am happy just to be here.

There was just a glitch in my early return. Doug and Mandee wanted to surprise me and planned to fly to Guangzhou for my last week there. Unfortunately, the change of plans dampened their spontaneous show of love and support for me.

How do I feel about all this? The doctors told me that indeed there are cases of some cancers that are not responsive to chemotherapy. There have been times when I would second guess myself and wonder if I had made a mistake about not opting to have chemo the very first time I was diagnosed. I know now that it would not have made any difference. In a way, I am more confident that it really was the Lord who lead me to try the alternative and more natural approach to this disease. I will be following the doctors' orders to try this oral chemo drug and trust that it will benefit my body. My journey towards health continues.

Although I am tempted to sucumb to depression and lose heart, the Lord has made too many promises to me that I cannot ignore. I have a long history of his faithfulness and have seen him work wonders in our lives --- making a way when there seemed to be none. As I move on, I am more dependent on the Lord's leading. He who has made me, knows my body and what it needs to heal completely. I continue to believe that a miracle is coming and that I will see the Lord resurrect this body from this terrible disease.

You are all a part of this journey. Your prayers and messages have strengthened me and caused me to press on despite set-backs. Thank you.

A dear friend told me that when she read Psalm 116, she felt it was for me. Let me just share a few verses in closing:

"I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!...
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling
And so I walk in the Lord's presence
as I live here on earth..."

Back in Guangzhou

2010-04-23T04:37:00.000-07:00

Jonina and I flew out of Cebu around noon on April 12. We had a five hour lay over in Manila which did not seem like eternity because my sister and brother-in-law, Sandra and Carlo Ratilla, met us in the airport. It was good to see Carlo because he was unable to join us when the rest of my siblings and mom were in Cebu. We had a good time eating, sharing stories, and praying for each other.
We left Manila around 7:20pm and reached Guangzhou about 2 hours later. Since I was on a wheel chair immigration and customs went quickly. We saw the Fuda rep. frantically trying to hold up 5 signs with names on 2 hands. We found out that he was waiting for 9 patients to arrive that night coming in from different airlines. Our small group which arrived on Cebu Pacific sat down in a corner and waited for another 2 hours for the rest of the patients to arrive. It was not hard to start up a conversation with anyone. We were like kindred spirits, facing the same enemy and sharing common experiences. We talked about our treatments and what else we had to face, each of us wondering what the future would hold. I thought man and medicine can only do so much, but only God can heal. In the midst of our common pain, God is our only hope.
When everyone finally arrived, we were a group of 23. We filled half a tourist bus but this bus was not taking us on a tour, it was taking us to our “home:” the Fuda cancer hospital. It was 1am when we finally arrived. When we finally got to the 7th floor, the nurse on duty recognized me and asked where "uncle" was. It was a question I had to answer many times later as I met the other nurses.
The next day, Jonina and I decided to explore the neighborhood. I showed her the bakeries, fruit stands and grocery. After exchanging some money, we decided to have luch in KFC much to her disgust. She said, "We did not travel all the way from the Philippines to eat KFC!" I said, "Well, I’m putting off eating Chinese food as long as I can!"
On Wednesday I had my CT scan. Doctor Zhang told me that there was only a slight improvement between my first PET scan and this latest one. It seems like the first 2 rounds of chemo only had minimal effect on the cancer so they decided to give me a stronger chemo med. This wasn’t the news I was wanting to hear.
I had my localized chemo the next day. You would think that after doing it twice, I should be used to this but I’m not. Just the sight of the operating room makes me queasy. At first they had a problem finding my files and almost put up another person's file for reference. It's good I’m far sighted and could see that it was not my name on the screen. It took some time for them to locate it and I had to instruct the nurse where my name was on the screen’s list of patients.
When it was almost finished the nurse asked me, "How do you feel?" I said, "My knee is numb." She asked, "Knee?" She then pulled down the cover from my chest thinking my “knee” was somewhere there. I repeated, "My knee is numb," trying to point to it. A doctor came in to ask me what I had just said. So I repeated myself. The nurse moved to my right foot, touched it and commanded me, “Move!” I wiggled my toes in compliance but in my mind I was screaming, "It's my knee, not my foot!" Finally after a while, they asked me to bend my right leg and the nurse touched my knee. I said, "Yah, that's the one."
As could be expected, the discomforts of the new chemo med is more. I feel like I have a mouthful of teeth with cavities. Eating is not a pleasurable experience. I sometimes have a headache or ear aches or aches in my joints. I have had 3 days of infusions, about nine each time. I have somehow felt that the tumor in my right armpit has become smaller but at other times I wonder if it is all my imagination. To make things worse Dr. Zhang just told me that I will have an infusion of the chemo med in a few days because the initial doze is not enough.
At this point, I am rather discouraged and wonder why I am still here if the treatments are not working as expected. I skyped Doug and he told me that he had received a letter from Linda, a member of our church in Peterborough, Canada. She started the letter by telling me that I did not know her but she was touched when she heard I was battling with cancer. A sister who was close to her faced the same battle. When she would go on walks, the Lord would bring me to her mind and tell her that I had angels with me, not one or two but many! The Lord also gave her a message to me that he would be the one who would give me the comfort I was seeking – 100% of it! She ended her letter by saying, “In our Father’s caring arms, all is peaceful, all is safe, all is well.”
The letter touched me at my deepest need at that very moment. Like a soothing balm on my weary heart, I experienced a loving touch from my Father. He knows what I am going through and he can provide all that I need to sustain me during this time. I don’t understand all that is happening but I am sure: he is all I need.
Thank you Linda.

Our First Sunday back at COOK

2010-03-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

We have been attending Church of Our King (COOK)since 2002 after we returned from furlough. It has been our home church since then.

While we were in China, we did not have a chance to attend any worship services. Although Doug and I had daily times of prayer and worship, there is something dynamic about group worship. Today, I looked forward to seeing all our friends and to worship together. I was not disappointed. The worship was wonderful and I felt the Lord's presence from the very start.

Doug and I were given some time to share our testimonies of what the Lord has done for us while we were in China. This is what I had to say:

“How can we understand the road we travel? It is the Lord who directs our steps.” Prov. 20:24

I read this scripture after my mastectomy in Jan. 2008. The challenge of cancer has led me through many roads, side streets, detours and dead ends. Some roads were rough and difficult to travel and others were smooth and easy. As I have said before, during the last 2 years I always seemed to travel between death’s door and a miracle. My only comfort is knowing that it is the Lord who has been directing my steps. He has been with me and has never left me. I know that many times when my strength was gone, he carried me through.

Last month, the road led us to Guangzhou, China. Finally knowing the severity of my situation in direct, cold medical terms was very sobering. I was depressed after knowing the results of my pet scan but after many tears, I realized that the Lord is just setting up the scenario for a miracle.

I decided to put my diagnosis at the back of my head and plunged into my treatments. I had 2 cryosurgeries, 2 local chemotherapies and one comprehensive immunotherapy for cancer which intends to boost my immune system to fight off the metastasis --- all in 5 weeks. I had so many needle pricks, some of which were very painful. I have a high threshold for pain (I gave birth to 4 children lamaze style with no anesthesia!) but I began to have some kind of phobia for it. Inspite of the pain, I would always think: this is a small price to pay to see Amanda’s children. And it really is.

When you battle cancer, you choose who would be your companion: fear or faith. And its never an easy decision even if you have been a Christian for so long. Fear can overpower you and render you helpless and hopeless. Sometimes, it seems easy to give in to fear. But faith is what pleases the Father: Faith in what he has spoken and faith to believe that it will come to pass. It is not faith that I can generate in myself. It is faith that comes from allowing the Lord Jesus to live his life in me.

(A few months ago, I watched a movie that made an impact in my life, "Faith like Potatoes." A statement in the movie has become meaningful to me: the condition for a great miracle is not difficulty but impossibility. The Bible says: Nothing is impossible for God. I am still waiting for that miracle.)

I just want to thank all of you for joining your faith with ours during this journey and especially during the last 5 weeks. Thanks so much for your generous giving at such a short notice. Thanks for those who checked on the kids and treated them to meals or cooked meals for them. I heard that they ate very well while we were away! Thanks for your prayers and emails that encouraged Doug and I while we were in China.

The journey hasn’t ended yet. I will be returning to Guangzhou mid-April for a month to finish the last 2 cycles of chemo. Please pray that during this 1 month of rest, my inflamed lymph nodes will start to soften or grow smaller or disappear. Otherwise, they may have to give me stronger chemo meds for the last 2 cycles.

Thanks so much for the love you have shown in various practical ways to us as a family. We wouldn't have made it without your love and prayers!

Reality Check

2010-03-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

I was so excited about flying home, I could not sleep a wink on Thursday night. Doug got up at 5 am and I thought I should too. After breakfast and saying good-bye to some friends, we left Fuda Hospital at 7 am.

We had a layover in Hong Kong for about 5 hours. Where we ate, there was a selection of Chinese noodle soup and other food. I stayed clear of the Chinese food. I don't want to even smell Chinese food for the next 10 years!

When we finally descended towards Cebu, I turned to Doug with tears in my eyes and said: We're home!

It was so great to be met by the girls and friends. The boys decided to stay home to study for exams.

Home sweet home. No matter how long you've been away, it is always good to come home --- to familiar, comfortable things, even if they are not perfect. The smells, the sights, the traffic, the tastes, the people --- I love them all! This is home for me.

After catching up with the kids on things they wanted to show us and hearing all their stories, I asked them to all go to bed to prepare for the exams tomorrow. I was tired and needed to plop into bed.

It was hot so I decided to take my cap off. While I undressed, I decided to take out the dressing to give a wound from my first cryosurgery a breather. I did this infront of a mirror in the dressing room. I must tell you that when I was in China, I avoided the mirror. I just did not have the courage to see with my eyes what was happening to me. But now I saw it all. I saw the scars of the surgery, scars where the tubes and needles were inserted. My skin on my chest has darkened like it was burned. I have bruises where they gave me multiple injections. I saw my bones sticking out and my muscles just hanging on to my frame which is now down to 40k. I looked at myself and could not believe what my eyes were seeing! Not too long ago, I thought of myself as an attractive woman. Now I look like an experiment that has gone terribly bad, a Frankenstein! I broke down and cried.

Doug did not know what was happening to me. Between my sobs and wails I poured out to him how I felt about seeing myself for the first time. He hugged and reassured me that things would get better. Still I cried --- I was devastated. In the midst of Doug telling me that my looks is not that important, a lovely lesson learned from Antoine de Saint Exupery's Little Prince came across my mind: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." Somehow that brought comfort to me. Bald and gaunt, I don't look like anything I was before, but deep inside, I am the essential me.

Then I thought about the vows we made 21 years ago on Jan. 28 --- for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do us part. When you are young, it sounds just like a cliche. After 21 years and facing life's challenges together, you realize that such vows are difficult to make and keep. Only God could give you the grace and strength to keep those vows and remain committed to each other --- no matter what life throws your way.

I washed my face and said: This is the last time I will feel sorry for myself. I know that the Lord is healing me and bringing complete restoration. He has promised to restore my health and bring fatness to my bones. He has promised to give me a new song of praise so that people will know and hear about him. This cancer may ravage my body and steal my looks, but it will never be able to extinguish the fire that the Lord has put inside of me.

Before I went to bed, I had to ask Doug: will you ever leave me? Of course not, he quickly answered. I fell asleep thankful.

Homeward Bound!

2010-03-11T16:09:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

Today is March 10 and we are counting the days until we leave on March 12! We are looking forward to seeing all the kids and be a family once again. We are happy that we can be home for Ben's high school graduation on March 25. We will be glad to eat some other cuisine besides Chinese! Doug was able to find a European bakeshop quite a ways from here which gave us a wonderful break from the usual food.

My siblings and mom from the US will be visiting us from March 20 to 27. This will be the first time all of us will be together since my brother's wedding in 2000. Since 4 of them live in 4 different states and my other brother in Manila, this will be a very special time for us to say the least! Although we live apart from each other, our bonds have remained strong through the years. What a blessing that is and a testament on how well we were raised by our mom.

We just want to take this time to thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! I sensed the Lord giving me strength during all the treatments that I underwent these last 5 weeks. My body was bombarded with so many drugs (both western and traditional Chinese) and I am thankful that the local chemo side effects have not been traumatic except for losing my hair.

After a month (around mid-April to mid-May), I will be returning to Guangzhou for the last 2 cycles of chemo and some follow up on the progress of my other treatments. I will be happy when this is all done. During this trip, we are thinking of letting Jonina travel with me to give her a break from all the responsibilities she had to take on while we were away this time. This will leave Doug to provide proper parental care for the other three kids and to attend to his other responsibilities as well.

I've had a lot of free time and have used this time to write in a blog. In case you would like to read more details of our stay here in Guangzhou, you may log in at http://marlasharpe.blogspot.com. I've enjoyed doing it and hope you enjoy reading it!

Thank you again for all your love, support and continued prayers! We can't make it without our family, friends and God's grace.

Off with My Hair - March 7

2010-03-07T04:01:00.000-08:00

Today was my day of reckoning. No more procrastination. No more excuses. I woke up this morning, surveyed what I looked like and decided I needed to do something about it. I asked Doug to help me shampoo my hair which just matted to my scalp. Even if most of my hair fell out, I still had this big knot at the top of my head. The people in Cebu know Budoy and can imagine what I looked like!

I asked Doug: please borrow the pair of scissors from our friend in 715. He came back with it and gave me one big snip! Then he proceeded to cut away the remaining strands. I put my hands over my face and just cried! After cutting, he tried to use his hand razor to give me a cleaner look but it didn't work. I look like a street kid who was given a bad haircut by the police for being in mischief!

I quickly put on a scarf. Doug looked at me and tried to reassure me that he always liked me with my hair up because "it accentuates my features." I told him: my hair isn't up: I don't have any hair! That's ok he said: it will grow back.

I haven't looked at myself since this morning. I don't think I can even take the scarf off. I know that its only hair but for a woman, I feel totally stripped of my dignity. I pray that soon doctors will find ways to treat breast cancer without having to dehumanize women.

I just hope I don't lose my eyebrows! I've never drawn eyebrows on my face so it will be a challenge if I lose them. Someone should make a stencil for eyebrows so that people like me can just plaster it on my face and fill in the spaces!

I remember what my mom said: its only hair. Yes, mom, its only hair but I want it back!

My Honey

2010-03-07T03:59:00.001-08:00

When we arrived in Guangzhou last Feb. 6, there was another Filipina on the same flight who was also going for treatments at Fuda. Her name is Julie. She was alone. She was also diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006 and now it has metastasized to her bones. I asked her why she did not bring anyone with her. She said that her sister was supposed to go with her but later had to back out.
Later I found out that she is estranged from her husband. She has 3 kids with her (oldest being 12 and the youngest 8 if I remember right) in Saipan where she has been working as a waitress in a hotel for about 20 years. She had left all her kids with a friend.

When she got her PET scan results, she was heartbroken. The scan showed that she has some metastasis in the brain. The doctor here said that they cannot do any treatment regarding this situation and that she may have to go to Manila for radiation.

My heart goes out to Julie. She has only a young family and she is facing all these by herself. When we have a chance, we go down to see her (or she comes up to see us) just to chat or pray. She seems to be able to handle everything well and I am amazed at her resolve to do all she can for her children.

I then look at my situation and I feel extremely blessed. Doug has been with me through the difficult times especially after a treatment when I had to stay on my back for hours. He gets me my meals from elsewhere when I get sick of Chinese food. He buys fruit, nuts, bread and toiletries whenever he is out. He does the laundry and makes sure I always have clean pajamas. I am just thankful that I have him around.

As expected, he has become "the man" around here. The younger nurses fondly call him Uncle. When people want to go shopping or sight-seeing, they often ask him to come along. He introduced dimsum to some of the Fil-Ams and Fil-Cans here which they thoroughly enjoyed. He has become the friend of my doctor's husband and has baptized him with the English name John. He plays ping-pong with him, another Chinese and some Filipinos and is now the undisputed champ in the hospital!

I know that it hasn't been easy for him to not be so busy. Thank goodness for a gym that he found in a mall close by! The winter olympics provided great entertainment for him at times (except when they showed curling for hours on end!). I am beginning to think that boredom is slowly eating him up because the other day, I found him watching cartoons (he was happy to find Curious George!) and yesterday, he was intently watching a Chinese movie --- in Chinese without subtitles!

But it has been good just to be together. He hasn't commented on my looks even if I look like a mangy dog with my hair falling all over the place. I really appreciate that. Its been good just to have someone who is so solid when I am all melting in my emotional self at times. He reminds me of what the Lord has spoken and encourages me in my faith.

The proverb says: He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. I say: She who finds a good husband has hit the jackpot!

My second local chemo - March 4

2010-03-07T00:07:00.001-08:00

I woke up at 2 am this morning and just felt the Lord embrace me with his peace. It was so comforting especially after all my raging emotions yesterday. I did not feel tired even if I stayed awake until 4 am. It was just so good to bask in the Lord's presence to lift up different loved ones in prayer.

The doctor came in and told me that I will be having my second chemo. What time, I asked. Sometime in the morning, she answered. I found out that the Chinese, like Filipinos, are more event oriented rather than time oriented --- but I found that maybe the Chinese are a bit more, especially in a hospital setting. You see, I like to prepare myself --- focus on the Lord, remembering his promises and my favorite verses. I really don't like to be taken by surprise especially when it comes to a treatment.

Anyway, a few minutes later, the doctor who would do the chemo and the interpreter came into my room and announced that I would be taken in at 3 pm. It was comforting to have some kind of time frame. But in the end, they took me in at about 2 pm.

It was a little disconcerting for me when I realized that the doctor who was doing the chemo did not speak a word of English. The nurse did but she was going in and out of the room. After my initial experience with my first chemo and my having difficulty in breathing, I would have felt more comfortable to know I could be understood in case I had problems. Thankfully, I did not have any adverse reactions today.

At one point, the nurse said something to me. After a few seconds, I realized that she asked me to hold my breath. I took a deep breath and held it. She told me not to do that, just hold my breath. So I did. I did not realize that she and the doctor were leaving the room (I had my eyes closed) to take an x-ray of the area where he was working on. So here I was holding my breath and wondering how long I would need to hold it. Just then, I heard the nurse's voice over a mike, asking me to hold my breath! I took a quick shallow and then held it for about 8 seconds but it felt like forever! I thought my lungs were going to explode! I am glad I survived.

I was back in my room after an hour. I had to keep my leg still for about 6 hours which wasn't fun but I tried to remind myself that it was nothing compared to the last cryo. I was hungry but just could eat only a little of the leftover food from lunch. I had one infusion after another. The doctor had given me a diuretic pill to help me get rid of the bloating in my stomach. It was like hitting 2 birds with 1 stone. You see, they advice you to drink lots of water after chemo so I don't have to suffer so much from the side effects. I could not do that because I always felt so bloated. So the pill was a blessing. But poor Doug had to fetch me the bed pan almost every 15 minutes! (to him it seemed like every 5 minutes!)

I ended the night just thanking the Lord for how well I was feeling. I had no fever and my body had adjusted to having the tube in my side. I did not feel too hot (although Doug said that the aircon was freezing!) and was really comfortable. The Lord is faithful! He has heard my cry and rescued me, delivering me from my fears! I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good --- over and over again!

Thank you so much for all your prayers and words of encouragement and hugs over cyberspace!

Need your prayers - March 3

2010-03-02T23:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the ultrasound showed that my abdomen is filled with fluids. The doctor believes that this may be caused by low albumin in my blood. I would need 3 infusions of albumin and they will insert a tube in my abdomen to drain the fluids.

I am anxious about my next chemo which will be tomorrow. I am putting off the decision to shave off my hair and then this. I must admit that at this point, I am overwhelmed! I feel like I can't take it anymore. I just want to go home and forget about everything else. Right now my emotions are getting a hold on me.

Yet I know that the Lord sees me and knows what I am going through and he has comforted me with these words:

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Ps. 32:8

For the word of the Lord holds true; and everything he does is worthy of our trust. Ps. 33:4

But the Lord's plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken. Ps. 33: 11

But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. Ps. 33:18-19

Many times the scripture in Joshua was shared to me: Be strong and courageous...for I am with you. Lord, help me to be strong and courageous. On my own, I can't be that. Only you are my source of strength and courage. Thank you Lord that you are with me and that your unfailing love is mine as I trust in you. Thank you that you are the one who keeps me from death even when I feel like it is tightening its grip on me. Thank you Lord that it is you who keeps me alive! You are leading me along this path and I know that your eye is ever upon me. I need not fear.

My dear family and friends, thank you for just listening to me and for all your prayers.

More on Guangzhou - March 2

2010-03-02T23:48:00.001-08:00

We normally do not wake up to sunshine here in Guangzhou. It is usually foggy but it clears up towards the middle of the day or early afternoon. On Sunday, it was nice and warm. I had this craving for dimsum after watching a show last night so Doug and I decided that we would go out on a date after I was done my infusions.

A nurse wrote down the name of the hotel where she said they had good dimsum. We took a cab.
The cabs around here are not airconditioned. There is a railing between the driver and the passengers in the back. Usually, there is a TV screen attached to the back of the passenger seat infront which features commercials. The funny thing about the cab we took is that the driver found it inconvenient to make a u-turn to bring us right to the hotel. So he pointed out the hotel to Doug and dropped us off so that we could cross the highway and walk there ourselves! Hmmm, in the Phils. they drop us off right at the door!

Thankfully, it was not a long walk. We got to the restaurant and they handed us a Chinese menu. We asked if they had an English menu or at least a menu with pictures. No, they had none and the waitress could not speak a word in English. We had about 3 more personnel come to us and they too did not speak English. The only dish they could understand was hakao. We decided just to point at different dishes that people around us had ordered. I would have wanted to go all around the restaurant and look but the waitress kept on telling me to sit down. Oh well...

Whenever a waitress would bring us a dish, we would look at what other things she had on the tray and then order. Let me tell you, I left the place feeling 3 months pregnant but our taste buds were absolutely satisfied! I refuse to eat in Harbor City anymore. I am spoiled for the ordinary! Now I can't wait for another dimsum date!

Last night, Doug took me on the Pearl River Cruise. The Pearl River runs through the central part of Guangzhou.

To get there, we took a bus and rode on the Metro (Subway). I was really quite impressed with their mass transport system --- very much like Canada. Guangzhou is a very clean city. There are garbage bins everywhere. They have small malls --- nothing compared to SM or Ayala (or maybe I just haven't seen them) and they have lots of stand-alone shops all along the streets. There are many patches of green in the city --- little gardens, parks and trees. Residential buildings are often built close to each other, forming little communities with fruit stands, shops, hair salons, etc. close by.

The streets are wide, well paved and busy! Bicycles still abound and you really have to watch out for them! Sometimes they could be going the wrong way on the street which looks like its one way. I also noticed they have some tricyles --- more like the tuktuks in Malaysia. I just don't know their boundaries. Driving is much like the Philippines and honking the horn is acceptable.

We had quickly taken a meal at a Chinese fast food because at least they had pictures of their dishes. We boarded the boat and sat at the top deck. It was a nice leisurely trip, up and down the river. Many of the buildings were lighted up and we passed through 3 or 4 different kinds of bridges. The river itself is lined with trees. There are not too many billboards I noticed. If there are, size-wise, they are nothing compared to those in Manila!

A Chinese staff was probably talking about the different buildings and sites that we had passed but as expected, she only did it in Chinese. I thought: what a shame, it would have been nice to find out what she was talking about. Like most Filipinos, I am usually mistaken for a Chinese. People we encounter look to me and start yakking away in Chinese. I give them a bewildered look and tell them: English only. Actually, Doug knows more Chinese words than I do so this amuses them.

I am glad that I am able to see some of Guangzhou. Now, if I only had enough energy to go shopping...!

For Hockey's Sake

2010-03-01T00:20:00.001-08:00

Everyday its the same story. Doug wakes up the kids like a drill Sargent barking orders at 6 am for everyone to get up. But the troops are not cooperating. Amanda drags her feet to the bathroom, turns on the shower and just stands there, not even getting wet. The boys argue who should go first which depends on who slept earlier. When Ben finally gets his chance at the mirror, he takes time (I won't tell you how much time!) to make sure every strand of hair is carefully waxed and in place. On a bad hair day, John has been known to wax, wet, wax again his hair several times before he achieves his "look."

When the clock ticks after 7 am, Doug's volume is louder and his pitch higher. He sounds like he wants to evacuate a burning house but it has no effect at all for the turtles. Ben likes to read the sports page. John just remembered that he needs to print out an assignment. Amanda hasn't decided what to eat. In this volatile mix of stress and total indifference, Jonina likes to throw dagger looks to and fro. When she can't keep it in anymore, she spits out a stern, "Boys hurry up!" warning just to make her sentiments known.

After a few threats to leave them all behind, the turtles plod to the car. When the last door is shut and Doug speeds out of the driveway like an ambulance driver, it is not uncommon to hear, "Umm, Dad, do you have any mints? I forgot to brush my teeth."

But tomorrow, Monday, March 1, everything will be different. Those turtles will transform to energizer bunnies! They will wake up at 4 AM, shower, dress, eat and brush their teeth because at exactly 4:30 am, they will go over to our neighbor's house (thanks Andrey and Jen!) and watch the US vs. Canada Hockey game for Olympic Gold!

I couldn't believe it! Doug is not surprised. He said, "They're Canadians! Its in their blood!" Tonight, we skyped them at 8 pm and Ben who is the usual night owl is already asleep. John makes his bold prediction: Canada beats US 3 to 2 and then says good night. I don't even see Amanda's shadow --- all I hear is a hi and good night. The only one I could talk to about my adventures of the day was Jonina. I was excited to tell her that we found a cute nurse for Adrian Ding!

Monday, March 1

In our part of the world, Doug turned on the TV at 4:30 am and was happy to find out that they were covering the US vs. Canada game live! Let me just say it was a high energy, heart stopping, let-me-bash-you-hard-on-the-boards-with-intent-to-maim kind of play! After overtime, our son John's prediction came true: Canada beat the US 3 to 2 to win the gold medal! We can imagine that Andrey's house was the noisiest on the street where we live!

That was quite a game! Really enjoyed it!

My second cryosurgery and other things - Feb. 26

2010-02-27T00:29:00.000-08:00

Today I would have my second cryo on the tumor on my liver. I decided to wash my hair because it may be a couple of days before I can wash it again. Doug helped me because I still had a dressing on my chest for my first cryo. I wasn't prepared for what happened.

While shampooing and rinsing, I noticed that a large amount of hair started to come off when I ran my fingers through my head. "Doug, I'm losing my hair!"

He answered matter of factly, "The doctor said it would."

"But Theresa (my sister in law) told me she lost her hair after the second chemo!"

"That's her experience," he answered again matter of factly.

Well at that point, I did not want matter of factly, I wanted sympathy! I wanted to cry and cry hard! But then I thought to myself: You have a cryo today. The Lord has given you peace about this. Don't disrupt this peace by adding more than you can handle. So I decided to put my feelings about my hair loss in the back burner for the meantime.

After my quiet time and prayer, the nurse came to the room a little past 8 to take me down to the operating room. I gave Doug a hug and just wanted to cry -- I'm not sure why.

I entered the operating room and remembered that I needed to go to the toilet. That was a mistake. The nurse led me to their scrub room and showed me where the toilet is --- its a squat toilet. First of all I had to figure out how to hold my pajamas so that I don't pee all over it and then try to get to standing position from squatting without hurting myself!

I got on the operating table and did not go to sleep as quickly as the first time. The surgeon had arrived and started to do an ultrasound to find the tumor. I thought: I better not close my eyes. They might think I am out and start with the procedure when I'm really still awake! But in no time, I went to sleep, seeing in my mind's eye the Lord cradling me in his arms.

I woke up after 9 am. They had bound my torso with something like a girdle and a sandbag in the area where I had surgery so that I could not move too much. Dr. Zhang saw me past 10 and was non-committal about when I will be sent back to the room. I guess they have to monitor me longer for signs of internal bleeding. So I tried to go back to sleep.

By 1:30 pm I had enough sleep and was famished and thirsty. The girdle feels like a strait jacket and I can feel every groove of the bed. It was getting hot and I started to kick off my covers but first I had to make sure my pajama pants were on. I did not want to accidentally moon the nurses at ICU!

I started to worship, pray, count the spots of the ceiling and tried to figure out how they got there. I have to have 9 infusions and each is excruciatingly slow. Thankfully, at 4:30 they let me go back to the room. As I stood up, I looked at the pillow: I wanted to go back with the same amount of hair as when I entered. I'm glad I am.

Old friends

2010-02-25T04:23:00.000-08:00

I haven't had much contact with my high school friends since graduating in 1976 from the Assumption College. Perhaps the only one I've had contact all these years is Pilar Yupangco Pena. We had a chance to meet while we were still working in Manila and when she moved to the US, we continued to keep in touch although intermittently.

Last year, Giselle Valderama was able to trace me through a distant cousin. It was a nice surprise and before long, she became part of our communication network of friends and family. When she found out that I was going to China, she asked if she could share my news with other classmates. I told her that more people praying for me, the better.

So she sent out a letter asking for prayers and since then, I've been receiving email messages from classmates I had never talked to since '76! Some ask: do you still remember me? Of course I do! My husband can attest that I don't have the best memory but I remember the girls I went to school with.

Hearing from them is rather bittersweet. We were 16. Our whole life was ahead of us. We would have careers that would open doors for us. We would travel, maybe relocate to the US. We would marry and have children. We would settle down and live life to the full. We never factored in sickness, difficulties, wrong decisions, broken relationships but life can be a merciless teacher, stripping us of our innocence, jading our eyes. "We are the firebirds of youth..." I remember a line from our annual. Some of us have taken wing and soared; others had to limp along, broken.

But in all the messages I've received, I found friends whose faith in the Lord has become a bedrock for them. Like Job, when we were young we had heard about the Lord but now many of us have seen him with our own eyes! The challenges of life have made us a sisterhood of prayer --- upholding one another, mentioning each others name in the presence of the Lord, trusting that the Lord who has shown faithfulness to one, will show his faithfulness, favor and power to another.

Some have reminded me of our year motto: Dum Spiro Spero --- while I breathe, I hope. I have not forgotten and have often thought how apt our motto is. Hope is the anchor of my soul and that hope springs eternal in our Lord Jesus. When there is nothing else, Jesus is our sufficiency. And in my experience, when he is all I have, I have an abundance!

Thank you dear friends for your response to my need at the moment. I am reminded of an old proverb: Make new friends but don't forget the old. One is silver, the other gold.

In this Olympic season, you are gold to me!

Hockey Fever

2010-02-23T05:24:00.000-08:00

Doug couldn't believe his eyes! The Chinese channel that had been featuring the winter olympics usually shows only the games where their athletes are competing in. But this morning, they were going to feature the USA vs Canada Hockey game! Doug started to jump in glee! It takes so little to make him happy!

Hockey to a Canadian is like basketball to a Filipino. Its in the blood. Its a national passion. It brings out the best and the worst in people. In Canada, kids play hockey on the streets and cars don't mind having to stop until they clear out. Canadians proudly declare: its our game!

I had never seen a hockey game until 2001. I could never see the puck and wondered why players liked bashing into each other and falling all over the ice. So much violence and yet so much unashamed affection in one game! Then we watched the winter olympics in Salt Lake City in 2002 where Canada won its first gold after 50 years! And the game was against the US team! The hockey bug bit me and I turned into a true-blue or rather true-red and white Canadian hockey fan!

Since then, the boys especially Ben have been keeping up to date with who's who in hockey. Names like Mario Lemieux, Martin Brodeur, Curtis Joseph became household names. These were then replaced by Sidney Crosby, Eric Stahl and others. When we were in Canada last 2007, Doug really saved up some money to enroll Ben in a minor hockey league. From not knowing how to stop on skates, Ben became the most improved player on his team --- even scoring a couple of goals in some games.

So it was really special for Doug to watch the hockey game yesterday. However, it was nerve wracking as well since the final score of 5 to 3 went to the US team. What a drag! But who knows, the gold medal is still a couple of games away. Until that time, its: Go Canada!

P.S. The doctor just told me that my hemoglobin is low and that I need to eat more protein in order to increase this. She gave me an appetite stimulant and hopefully this will work. Otherwise, I may have to have a blood transfusion. Not something I want really. So please pray for good appetite (some Filipino food at this point would be great!).

My first cryosurgery - Feb. 20

2010-02-21T16:17:00.000-08:00

Whenever I am anxious, psalm 91 always calms my soul. I read it several times this morning. The doctor told me that my blood test showed that my white blood cells is up to 8.8 so the surgery will proceed this morning.

A nurse picked me up at 10:30 am. The doctor told Doug that depending on my condition, I may return to my room either tonight or the next day. That surprised me because I was told that the surgery itself would only last about 30 minutes. Doug gave me a hug and reassured me that he would be praying for me.

I was brought to the operating room. They hooked up the oxygen as soon as I laid down. The last thing I remembered was thanking the Lord that he is with me.

I woke up at 1:20 pm and I was shivering --- shaking like a maple leaf on a cold autumn day. I immediately called the nurse and told her that I was very cold despite the fact that I had 3 thick blankets on top of me. She changed my infusion (ivy) and soon, my temperature settled. The pain in my chest also subsided. I asked the nurse when I could go back to my room. She said that my vital signs were good and maybe if the doctor ok's it, I could be back by 2:30 pm. In the meantime, the ICU was getting full.

The doctor saw me at 4:00 pm and checked me out. She said that I can be sent back to the room. I was wheeled out at 5 pm and was glad to be back to the comfort of my room and see Doug. I wasn't very hungry and just had some soup. I felt very tired and just wanted to sleep but since I had a fever, they encouraged me to drink lots of water which meant lots of visits to the toilet. Thankfully by 3 am, the fever left.

Today, I feel well but tired. This morning, I remember my family and friends who have lifted me up in prayer. I know that I am recovering well because of their faithfulness in mentioning my name to the Father. How blessed I am!

My first day out - Feb. 19

2010-02-21T16:16:00.000-08:00

Doug just got back from the gym and told me that it wasn't so cold outside. Maybe we could walk to a restaurant close by and try their food. I was ready in a jiffy. I had not been outside the walls of Fuda Hospital since we arrived on Feb. 6 and I wanted to see what the neighborhood looked like.

The nurses told me to dress warm so I put on all the sweaters that I brought. Most of the shops were still close --- today is the last day of the Chinese New Year Holidays. A few shops were open --- most of the things on display were winter wear though.

We got to the restaurant and they had dishes on display. Problem is we could not tell what the ingredients were --- especially the meat ingredients. We did not want to end up with pig's stomach or something similar to that! The menu did not help either because it was all in Chinese. The receptionist got us the youngest waitress who understood more English than she could speak. She recommended a dish that had like 5 kinds of mushrooms. We saw a group of people who had ordered siopao so we pointed that out to her too.

We took our seats and the waitress gave us our plates, bowls, chopsticks and poured some tea into our cups. She put down a small stainless steel bowl. She motioned to Doug who was quick enough to realize that she wanted us to pour tea into our dishes and chopsticks to sanitize them. We then poured the tea into the steel bowl. I would have been happier to have a sponge and dishwashing liquid but when in Guangzhou, do as the Cantonese do!

We were happy with what we ordered and walked out to the front of the restaurant. It was then that we realized they had the more exotic dishes on display. They had crocodile meat, eel and turtle. I noticed that even in the menu of the restaurant that services the hospital, they have dishes with frog and snake. One day, I ordered soup with lotus seeds. I was shocked to find out that lotus seeds look like little eyeballs! It was kinda freaky eating soup with eyeballs staring at you! I did try a few lotus seeds and it tasted like chickpeas but I could only stomach a few. No thanks!

Waiting

2010-02-17T03:47:00.001-08:00

It's the 17th and I am waiting. My white blood cell (wbc) count is actually normal (4.6) but since the effect of the chemo is to depress the production of wbc, they want to keep it high (around 10). So they keep injecting me to produce more wbc.

I haven't had a fever but today I am tired. I have had quite an energy spurt the past two or three days so I am glad to be able to wind down a bit. Its been quite cold lately --- like 5 deg. C. I would like to go around and explore the neighborhood but I will have to wait for a warmer day. The cold does not deter Doug at all. He continues his daily trip to the gym to keep him fit and sane. I look forward to his return when he brings me a pasalubong --- some fruit, nuts, chips, etc. Today, even if it is cold, I hope he brings some ice cream home! I've had this craving for days!

We found a Chinese channel that features some of the winter Olympic events which makes Doug a happy man! He hasn't watched a hockey game since we left Canada and so he is looking forward to it. Go Canada!

In the meantime, I comfort myself with an old proverb: good things come to those who wait.

Jonina

2010-02-17T03:46:00.000-08:00

Jonina wants to have a boyfriend and I can't imagine why! It's not like she needs to have her looks validated. She is a pretty girl. Whenever I am in the mall with her, people always give her a second look. Strange guys try to start conversations with her or get her cel no. Not the usual thing that happens to an ordinary girl.

She is smart and talented. She can keep a conversation going. She is creative and loves to read and write plays, essays, short stories, etc. She is well traveled and has learned about people in other cultures. She has lots of friends and to my knowledge, none of her really close friends have boyfriends so its not like she is jealous of anyone. She loves the Lord and is quite mature in her faith. So why would she need a boyfriend?

A boy will only distract her from the things that she likes to do. He will demand her time and want her to spend it with him exclusively. He will hinder her from meeting other men who might be, well, better husband material in the future. He may not be so mature in his spiritual leadership and may dampen her passion for the Lord.

But Jonina wants to have a boyfriend. Being a good mom, I decided to set the bar: "Ok," I told her, "you can have a boyfriend if you win the Ms. Cebu contest!"

"Mom," she protested,"that will never happen!"

I smiled: that's the whole idea!

Happy Chinese New Year

2010-02-15T01:06:00.002-08:00

I spent Chinese New Year's eve and day with a fever. I was sleepy the whole day while they infused me with white blood cells and whatever else. There were some firecrackers but surprisingly, I think we have more back in the Philippines. Maybe it's our location.

It was cold and dreary on New Year's day but the smiles and cheerfulness of the staff more than made up for the depressing climate. The head doctor came in with the other doctors and brought a large tin of butter cookies as a gift for the New Year. We thought it was very kind of them. Doug had bought me a box of chocolates for Valentines (my favorite treat!) but since I had a fever I told him that I would probably just have one so I won't depress my immune system. So Doug offered chocolates to the nurses and the doctors.

Some Filipino guys came over and invited us to do the Pearl Cruise tomorrow night. Sounds like fun but since its been cold and wet, I doubt if I should be going out especially since I just got over my fever. I think Doug would enjoy it. He needs the fellowship and interaction. They also told us that they've worked out a system in their floor that they just buy the raw ingredients for a dish (like sinigang) and then give it to some Filipino lady in another room who cooks it up for them! Bayanihan talaga. I've been craving pinakbet for some reason. Can't wait to get home and eat some comfort food!

Finally, my first chemo: Feb. 11

2010-02-15T01:06:00.001-08:00

It was 3 pm when the nurse went to my room and told me that she was taking me down to have my first local chemo. I had just told Doug to go to the gym since I did not think anything would happen today.

I dutifully followed the nurse and began praying. I was thankful for the Lord's presence. I was immediately attended to. After local anesthesia on my leg they inserted a tube into my artery. With the help of a machine, the doctor tried to locate the network of blood vessels that was feeding the tumors. He then followed this network with a tube through which the chemo drug would be injected.

A few minutes after injecting, I realized that I had some difficult in breathing. The doctor immediately noticed my reaction and I was so glad that nothing was lost in the translation when I told them how I felt! The nurse immediately gave me an oxygen tube and another doctor checked on my heart rate. Thanks to my lamaze training, instead of panicking, I took deep breaths until my heart beat normalized.

The procedure lasted about 40 minutes and then I was wheeled back to my room. Right after, I was then infused one after another with ivies to protect my heart, liver, stomach, reduce the side effects, etc. I found it ironic that after putting toxic drugs in my body to kill the cancer, they now have to make sure the rest of my body is protected! I thought that there must be a more logical way to deal with cancer in the future!

I was advised by the doctor not to move my leg which still had the tube in my artery. I was also advised to drink as much water as I can so that I will not suffer too much the side effects of the chemo drug. In order to do this, I had the distinct privilege of learning how to use a bed pan!

The sensation of peeing in a bed pan is like no other. When you are used to the toilet, you know that gravity will let your urine flow down. When you use a bed pan, you feel like gravity has played a trick on you and instead of flowing down, your urine flows all the way to your back before making a u-turn back to the pan! I never got used to that feeling even if I had to use it several times!

One thing I learned, never measure your husband's love using a bed pan! "I have proven my love to you in many ways," said Doug, "This doesn't count." So don't take it personally if he refuses to wake up in the middle of the night so that you can use the bed pan. Men are not genetically wired to do things like that (just like they don't hear the baby cry at night!). Thank goodness they have nurses here who answer every beep you send to their station.

My mother

2010-02-15T01:05:00.000-08:00

I love my mom. She was not the typical hands-on mom. I don't think she ever prepared our formulas or fed us when we could eat, much less changed our diapers. You see, after she got married to my dad, she was thrust into the world of politicians' wives. She campaigned for dad, met leaders, socialized, did charity work and what have you.

I never knew her as I was growing up. She was just this beautiful lady who dutifully attended our school functions. My classmates would look at her and gasp: is that your mom? I would self-consciously nod yes because in no way did I resemble her.

But I discovered my mom when I started to like boys. I found that I could talk to her openly about it and she listened without judgment. She talked about her boyfriends and I felt privileged to be confided with such information. I not only found my mom, I found a friend too.

And so our friendship and relationship grew as I passed through the different phases of my adult life. Since we lived apart for many years, the telephone was our special friend. When mom remarried and moved to the States, she called almost every week for the first few months from Los Angeles. Landon, our step-dad was so gracious not to show her the phone bills. He knew it was difficult for her to leave 4 kids behind.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007 while in Canada for furlough, I remember walking with Doug to the parking lot. There was silence between us because of the heaviness of the news. I then said, "I hope mom doesn't call."

Well, she did. It was light banter for a while as she told me how her day went. Then she asked the question that I dreaded: "So, how are you?" I broke down and told her about the diagnosis. Mom listened intently and hardly said anything. I tried to compose myself and say: "Mom, please don't worry about me," but it was difficult to break through my sobs. Mom only replied: "How can I not worry about you." Mom never broke down that day and I don't think I ever heard her breakdown in my presence. But when my sisters called, they told me of how mom cried when she talked about me. I guess mom wanted to be strong for me. Maybe I did need her to be just that.

She flew to Peterborough to be with me when I had my mastectomy. She kept reminding me: "put me to work. I'm here to help." But it was hard to do that --- besides Doug had everything in control. It was just great to have her around. I thought it was important for her to be with the kids when I was in the hospital for the night --- especially for Mandee who did not want to go to school that day but wait in the car until the surgery was done.

It was my brother Dino and mom who collaborated together to help out with my treatments when we got back to Cebu. Later, they discussed the possibility of sending me to Fuda when it seemed like we had exhausted everything else. They made me feel that my health issues were not a burden to the family. Doug and I are so grateful for that.

When we got the results of the PET scan and the treatment options, I talked to mom and Dino. I began to tell her that it would cost more than we originally thought it would. She simply said: "Don't worry about it." When I told her about having chemo and the other treatments, she plainly told me, "Be positive about it Marla and remember, it's just hair."

I thought about those three statements and realized that mom had reduced all those complicated issues into 3 profound truths. It couldn't have been simpler or more loving.

Waiting for my first local chemo

2010-02-11T04:15:00.000-08:00

When I realized that I could no longer avoid chemo, I just braced myself and reminded myself that the Lord has not missed one step with me in all my years of following him. The doctor said that since it is localized, the side effects may not be as severe. "Will I lose my hair?, " I asked her. "Yes you may." I bit my lip.

With the severity of my condition, I knew that I had to submit to all that they suggested. The doctor understood when I asked for more time to think about the treatment options. I don't even know why I asked for more time --- maybe I wanted some semblance of control even if I knew in my heart, I had absolutely no more control over this disease that has ravaged my body. My only consolation is that the Lord is there: sovereign, high and lifted up.

I allowed myself to grieve and let all my fears out through my tears. Sometimes I had to laugh at the irony of it all: chemo, side effects, general anaesthesia, pain --- all my fears coming to a head in the 5 weeks we will be here! I can't run away from it. I have to face it but I don't face it alone.

I am so glad that Doug is with me. When my emotions go crazy, he leads me back to where I should be. He prays for me even when I am too tired to lift up my voice. He plays music on the ipod which I haven't figured out to work. He takes away the stress of choosing our meals and massages me when I feel so worn out from the day. Its good he has lots of friends and is not afraid to take the local buses to places away from here. As for me, I feel like I'm in a cocoon. I like it though. I have time to read, to pray and just de-stress. And write.

I was ready since 7 am today for the chemo. I asked the nurse if I had to change into a hospital gown. She pointed to the pair of white pajamas with blue stripes they had in the room. I held it up for her to see. It was XXXL. My whole body could fit into 1 pant leg! Thankfully, they come back with the smallest one they could find. I try it on and look at myself --- I look like a survivor from the holocaust! I don't know if I prefer the hospital gowns back home where your butt sticks out!

The doctor came at 9 and told me that I will have it around 10:30 to 11. Later, she returned to apologize that their machine is out of order and that I may have the chemo either this afternoon or tomorrow. It will be their last working day tom. before the chinese new year.

In the meantime, I'm waiting in my pajamas.

February 10, 2010

2010-02-11T04:12:00.000-08:00

Dear family and friends,
We arrived safely at the Fuda hospital at around midnight on Feb. 6. It was a long day and we thank God for His grace. The staff immediately arranged for tests the next day. On Monday I was scheduled for a PET/CT scan. I got the results on Tuesday.
Not a pretty picture…
The scan showed that the cancer has metastasized in various parts of my bones, such as my spine, ribs, pelvic area etc.. They also found cancer in some lymph nodes and a tumor on my liver. The Doctor is amazed that I am feeling well and have no pain despite my condition. “Truly God is my helper, He is the one who keeps me alive.” (Ps.30:2)
The Doctor has suggested I go through 4 cycles of localized chemo to address the metastases in various parts of my body. She is also suggesting Cryosurgery to remove the large tumor on my chest and the one on my liver. For my immune system I have a treatment called comprehensive immuno-therapy for cancer. We are in full agreement with the Doctor’s suggestions and would like to share an outline of the treatment schedule with you so you can pray specifically.
February 10 Immunotherapy begins
February 11 Local chemo
February 12 Zoledronic acid to stop further metastasis in the bones
February 20 cryosurgery on breast tumor (Doug’s birthday!)
February 26 cryosurgery on liver tumor
March 4 Local chemo
They are suggesting I will return to the Philippines on March 10 and return a month later for 2 more cycles of local chemo.
But those who trust in Him will never be disappointed!
The PET/CT scan gave us a clear picture of the extent and spread of cancer throughout my body and will be an even clearer evidence of God’s healing power and presence in my life as He continues to touch, sustain and heal me of this cursed disease. As the Doctor’s fight the physical effect of cancer in my body we will fight with the weapons of faith and persistent prayer. We know that He has already won this battle for us at the cross and He will fight for us and bring us through to victory! Please help us to hold up our hands in prayer without doubting because the battle is raging and we need His grace to see us through. (Exodus 17:10-16)

Got to Guangzhou!

2010-02-09T05:59:00.000-08:00

Feb. 6 was a long travel day. We left home at 9 am and finally reached Fuda Hospital at midnight. I was so thankful for the Lord's grace and the chance I had to rest while in Hong Kong for a 6 hour lay-over. I was obviously sad leaving the kids behind. As I thought of each of them, I could only cry and pray that the Lord will take care of each of them. They are all so precious to me. Cards from dear friends also added to my sadness. I knew that if I succumb to all my sad feelings, I would feel even more tired. I laid it all down: Lord you are in control.

I had requested a wheel chair because my legs were not exactly working properly 2 days prior to our departure. It was a bit embarrasing to be not so old and requesting a wheel-chair but I knew that I did not want to tire myself too much. I found out something that day: wheel-chair pushers (WCP) are related to taxi drivers! On the thoroughfares of airport terminals, they push their way past anyone going slower than 5 km/hr, they can cut infront of you without apology, they expect you to make way for them, they know every short cut. Despite my fear of collision, I did not mind the perks: we skipped queues, were attended to immediately by security and immigration personnel and boarded the plane before everyone else. When we were in Hong Kong, Doug must have tipped the first WCP really well bec. when it was time for us to go to the gate for our last flight, we had 2 wheel chairs! One for him and one for me! After some arguement between the WCP (at least it sounded like they were arguing), one got to push me and the other one got candy from the terminal lounge receptionist. The scariest was the WCP in Guangzhou. He wheeled me from the airport gate, on to the street and brought me to my pick-up limo: an ambulance from Fuda Hospital! Doug who was following him closely almost got run over by a taxi! I was thankful to get into the ambulance and to find that it had seats. We are in Guangzhou!

First Lazy Day
A nurse came in at 7 am to draw some blood from me. I waved at her when she came in. You see, Doug was in the patient bed which is larger and I was in the extra bed. I wanted to make sure she did not make a mistake.

I hardly slept at all last night. Not unusual for me. At about 9, a young female doctor Dr. Zhang who will be my attending physician came to ask about my medical history. We did not have much problem understanding each other. She said that she will see if she can schedule me for a PET scan tomorrow. The results come the day after and on Wednesday, we can talk more about treatment options. I am glad that things are moving quickly.

I spent most of the day just sleeping and eating. Doug has made his presence known already and now has many new friends. He hasn't been through the length and breath of Fuda Hospital yet but then 5 weeks is a long time. There seems to be a Filipino community in the hospital.

Doug ventured out this morning to find a store and was able to find his way using the 5 Chinese sentences he learned in university. He wants to find a fitness club that has a pool so that he can go back to his exercise routine. After our first day, he decided that he is bored already! In fact, he was so bored, he decided to shave his mustache!
I looked at him in disbelief and thought: Oh my goodness, for the last 21 years I've been married to Mr. Clean and did not even know it!

We had our first full Chinese meal this evening. I have to fast after midnight for the PET scan. I tried to eat so much and decided that I don't want to eat Chinese food for the next month! Lord we need your grace!