The announcement of the Department of Education that they will include sex education in the basic curriculum stirred up a hornet's nest. Groups pro and anti started hurling arguements at each other. Lawsuits are even being filed to nullify the DepEd order. One proponent said that if the word sex is so offensive, maybe they can just call it gender education. The antis would not have it. A rose by any other name will still smell like a rose. Sex by any other name will still be malodorous to some nostrils. The antis want sex education to be the parents responsibility. I totally agree except for one good reason: my mother never talked to me about sex so how could I talk to my kids about it!
Well, actually, my mom did try to tell me the story of the birds and the bees when I was about 10. I remember she was reading a magazine and then called me over(in retrospect, she must have been reading an article on how to talk to your child about sex without offending them). She first asked me if I knew where babies come from. I told her no and I should have added, I don't really care because the thought never crossed my mind. Anyway, she started to tell me that daddy would plant an invisible seed in mommy's tummy and that seed would grow into a baby. While she was talking symbolically, I was thinking literally. I imagined my dad going really close to my mom, holding this invisible seed (from who knows where!) between his thumb and forefinger and pushing it in my mom's tummy. Much like a farmer planting a seed on the ground. Nine months after, a baby is born. My mom never asked me if I had any questions. If she did, I wouldn't know where to begin!
All I know is, after that little talk, I made sure I was never too close to a boy because he may plant a little invisible seed in my tummy without me knowing about it! What a tragedy that would be! Not knowing who the father of your baby is! With that as my introduction to sex, I knew I wasn't the expert who could talk to my kids about it.
Jonina later told me that one day in elementary school, a classmate bragged that she knew how babies are made. She then revealed the secret of copulation to the curious. Jonina was flabergasted! "What! My mom had 4 kids and she never did that!" Wow, the Virgin Mary could only boast of one immaculate conception. I had four!
Since I pleaded ignorance, like a good dad, Doug took the responsibility of educating our children about sex. He told me that his talk with them was brief and straight to the point. Like me, none of them had questions. I think they were thinking in their minds: why would anyone want to do that?
Amanda just started grade 5 and for their first science lesson, they had to learn the different sexual organs and the process of reproduction. Since they were going to have a test, I had to review her (I couldn't back out on this). I tried to be as clinical as possible. Except for a "ewwwhh, gross!" and covering a detailed picture of the male genitalia with her hands when I turned the page, she kept her thoughts to herself. When Jonina learned what Mandee's science lesson was all about, she teased her about already knowing about sex, Mandee looked perplexed and asked, "I do?"
Just what I suspected! The lesson just flew over her head and she had no idea what all those body parts were leading to. Maybe my mom's story about the invisible seed may interest her more...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Letters from Amanda
Amanda came into our lives like a P.S. in a letter. Our third child John was turning 4 and ready to tackle pre-school and I was turning 40 that year: too old to have babies and too young to be a grandma or so I thought. But a month before giving birth to John, I just had a great desire in my heart to have another baby girl whom I planned to name Amanda which meant "much loved." I kept that longing a secret in my heart and wondered if indeed the Lord would bless our household with another girl.
When I found out I was pregnant, the kids were so excited! Jonina (then 9 years old) put in her request for a baby girl. Ben (6) wanted a baby boy and John was happy enough to get a baby pig! When Amanda was born and Doug broke the news to the kids: Jonina was elated, Ben was disappointed, John shrugged his shoulders and suggested, "Let's call her skunk!" But as soon as they laid their eyes on her, Amanda (we also call her Mandee) was much loved by us all.
Today Mandee is 11 years old and is raring to be 18! She still likes to play jackstones, tag, Go fish and thinks wearing a bra is so embarrasing. She can't wait for her feet to grow so that she can wear my shoes. She loves Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, the Jonas Brothers and American Idol. She is always on facebook and chats with her classmates and friends on YM. She loves to sing and hopes one day to join the church worship team.
In the school where she goes, they have a diary which is used as a journal for the kids to jot down thoughts and happenings in their daily lives. Mandee always addresses her letters as: Dear Diary but actually, she is writing to her teacher. I love reading those letters because it gives me a glimpse of her heart. They are sometimes funny and amusing. Other times, they are thoughtful and revealing.
Let me let you in on some of her letters:
Dear Diary,
...Yahoo! We have PE today. I like PE. How about you teacher? You like PE? What was your favorite subject when you were a kid?
...It is my sister's birthday today. She is 18 now. I wish it was my birthday so I can be 10. I like to be 10.
...(do) you like to be with your boyfriend? Do you want to go on a date with him? Do you like to be with him often? (teacher replied: all yes! hahaha!)
...check what you like: ____cute boys ______cool boys _____smart boys
...Are you close to D (name of teacher's boyfriend)? Can you tell me more about him? I want to know more please. (If you do) I will tell you (who) my crush (is).
...I wonder what kind of pop star I look like? I would like to look like someone who is pretty!
...Teacher, do you want to get married soon? What age do you want to ge married? Me I want to get married at 28. My mom got married at 30! For me that is old.
...What did you like to do when you were small? Did you like to go to school or did you hate school? Me, I kind of hate school. I liked it when I was in pre-school because my mom was my teacher so it was fun. She has her own school and I went there.
...Today is a bad day. Tina cried. I feel sad for Tina --- always doing her best and people are not listening to her. I wish people would just listen.
...Do you like a husband who is kind or handsome or funny or all (that I mentioned)?
...Well I need to tell you something. My mom's tumor was getting smaller and smaller and that was good. But this month, it got bigger. I touched it and it is really big. Our family is giving out newsletters to the people who are praying for my mom. I am soooo sad :( but I know God will heal my mom. But please pray for my mom. She needs prayers. Our family needs people to fight the battle for my mom's life. I feel like crying teacher.
...Teacher, thank you for praying for my family. I love you teacher! I really hope my mom will get all better.
...I wonder why Korean singers are so popular. Their songs are so annoying for me.
...Today R hit me on the head (Mandee then describes in detail all that happened)...It hurt so much and then I choked him. The end.
...I wish I didn't need to go to Chinese tutor...but I (would) rather play with my friends because I am still a kid. I want to be free and enjoy life. Teacher do you think that's good for us kids?
The winds of time flip through the pages of our lives. Dust settles on teddy bears, Barbie dolls and pocelain tea sets. Very soon, high heels and make up will be her favorite things. In a blink of an eye, my little girl will give way to a lovely young lady. Someday she will fall in love, marry a lucky young man and have her own babies. When that happens, I pray that I will be around to share her happiness and cry myself silly at every happy occassion. When times are tough, I want to be there to hold her hand and tell her everything will be ok.
But until that time, I will cherish the little girl who still wants me to tuck her in bed and tell her stories of when she was a baby.
When I found out I was pregnant, the kids were so excited! Jonina (then 9 years old) put in her request for a baby girl. Ben (6) wanted a baby boy and John was happy enough to get a baby pig! When Amanda was born and Doug broke the news to the kids: Jonina was elated, Ben was disappointed, John shrugged his shoulders and suggested, "Let's call her skunk!" But as soon as they laid their eyes on her, Amanda (we also call her Mandee) was much loved by us all.
Today Mandee is 11 years old and is raring to be 18! She still likes to play jackstones, tag, Go fish and thinks wearing a bra is so embarrasing. She can't wait for her feet to grow so that she can wear my shoes. She loves Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, the Jonas Brothers and American Idol. She is always on facebook and chats with her classmates and friends on YM. She loves to sing and hopes one day to join the church worship team.
In the school where she goes, they have a diary which is used as a journal for the kids to jot down thoughts and happenings in their daily lives. Mandee always addresses her letters as: Dear Diary but actually, she is writing to her teacher. I love reading those letters because it gives me a glimpse of her heart. They are sometimes funny and amusing. Other times, they are thoughtful and revealing.
Let me let you in on some of her letters:
Dear Diary,
...Yahoo! We have PE today. I like PE. How about you teacher? You like PE? What was your favorite subject when you were a kid?
...It is my sister's birthday today. She is 18 now. I wish it was my birthday so I can be 10. I like to be 10.
...(do) you like to be with your boyfriend? Do you want to go on a date with him? Do you like to be with him often? (teacher replied: all yes! hahaha!)
...check what you like: ____cute boys ______cool boys _____smart boys
...Are you close to D (name of teacher's boyfriend)? Can you tell me more about him? I want to know more please. (If you do) I will tell you (who) my crush (is).
...I wonder what kind of pop star I look like? I would like to look like someone who is pretty!
...Teacher, do you want to get married soon? What age do you want to ge married? Me I want to get married at 28. My mom got married at 30! For me that is old.
...What did you like to do when you were small? Did you like to go to school or did you hate school? Me, I kind of hate school. I liked it when I was in pre-school because my mom was my teacher so it was fun. She has her own school and I went there.
...Today is a bad day. Tina cried. I feel sad for Tina --- always doing her best and people are not listening to her. I wish people would just listen.
...Do you like a husband who is kind or handsome or funny or all (that I mentioned)?
...Well I need to tell you something. My mom's tumor was getting smaller and smaller and that was good. But this month, it got bigger. I touched it and it is really big. Our family is giving out newsletters to the people who are praying for my mom. I am soooo sad :( but I know God will heal my mom. But please pray for my mom. She needs prayers. Our family needs people to fight the battle for my mom's life. I feel like crying teacher.
...Teacher, thank you for praying for my family. I love you teacher! I really hope my mom will get all better.
...I wonder why Korean singers are so popular. Their songs are so annoying for me.
...Today R hit me on the head (Mandee then describes in detail all that happened)...It hurt so much and then I choked him. The end.
...I wish I didn't need to go to Chinese tutor...but I (would) rather play with my friends because I am still a kid. I want to be free and enjoy life. Teacher do you think that's good for us kids?
The winds of time flip through the pages of our lives. Dust settles on teddy bears, Barbie dolls and pocelain tea sets. Very soon, high heels and make up will be her favorite things. In a blink of an eye, my little girl will give way to a lovely young lady. Someday she will fall in love, marry a lucky young man and have her own babies. When that happens, I pray that I will be around to share her happiness and cry myself silly at every happy occassion. When times are tough, I want to be there to hold her hand and tell her everything will be ok.
But until that time, I will cherish the little girl who still wants me to tuck her in bed and tell her stories of when she was a baby.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Raising Teenagers
My dear friend and fellow-blogger, Lolette suggested a topic for my next post: the joy of raising teenagers. Joy...teenagers? It seems like an oxymoron. Is there joy in raising teenagers? Challenge seems like a better word. Insanity is a close second.
Teenagers are bundles of contradictions. They want you to treat them like adults but they act like kids half their age. They want their freedom but don't give them any responsibilities because, "Mom, that's your job! I'm just a kid!" They think its ok when they walk around the house in their underwear like when they were toddlers. When it comes to their clothes, your opinions hold no candle to what they think is hip and acceptible.
Just recently our two teenage sons came home 2 hours after their curfew. Like any good parent, we discipline our children with the hope that they will learn to live within the boundaries we put around them, in order to protect them and help them make wise choices for themselves when they grow up. No matter what age, discipline is never fun for a kid. When I started having kids, people told me to beware of the terrible twos. When it comes to discipline, I would rather have 20 two year olds anytime instead of my 2 teenage sons for 3 reasons: first, most toddlers are less than 3 feet tall which makes it easier for a mom to take a child over her knee into spanking position. Secondly, you don't have to explain to a toddler why you are punishing him. All you have to do is blurt out a sharp "No!" and whack his little hand or his little behind. Thirdly, because a toddler's vocabulary is limited, he can't talk back to you.
Now, lets go to my 2 teenage sons: one is 6 ft. and the other 5'10" (includes spiked hair). It would be pretty cumbersome for me to try to pick them up and put them in spanking position. In fact, they could easily pick up my small 5'3" frame without much effort! Whacking their behinds? I may break my hand because after working out in the gym, they brag about having buns of steel! Secondly, they want a precise, logical explanation why they must be punished. I'm beginning to think a year of law school may be good training for mothers of future teeners. Thirdly, they can talk your head off, turning every stone to come up with every reason why they should not be punished. For every half sentence you give, expect 5 sentences from them. Before you know it, you're mentally exhausted and you can't remember why you were disciplining them in the first place! Give me those toddlers anytime!
Going back to their infraction of curfew-busting: my husband Doug talked to the boys a little at the breakfast table to remind them that their action the night before could not go without consequence. They would have to be grounded. He had to leave for work so I was left behind like Daniel in the lions den.
"Mom, how long is our grounding?" asked Ben.
"Well, I wanted it to be until you're 35 but dad thought I should be more merciful so we decided 1 month is enough."
"What! One month for coming home late only once!" Ben could not believe his fate.
"Actually, that covers all the other times when you should have been grounded in the past but we just let it go."
"Mom, isn't there a verse in the bible that says you can't do that!" All of a sudden, my son who doesn't read the bible unless we ask him to has become biblical! I remember when he was 5, I asked him, "What does the bible say about what you should do when someone hits you on one cheek?" Ben answered, "Hit him on the other!" I should have recognized the signs early on. Now, he wrinkled his forehead, trying to remember a verse.
"Do you mean the 11th commandment?," I tried to help him remember, "The one that says, Parents thou shalt not punish your children for more than 1 sin at a time? Sorry, that verse doesn't exist."
"I know: its don't keep a record of sins!" Ben sounded triumphant that he finally remembered something.
"Hmmm, that does not include parents! Parents have to remember their children's sins so that they can punish them," I concluded. If he can't give me the reference of the verse, I can just give him my interpretation of it!
"Mom, one month is not fair!" John blurted out. This son has a future as a trial lawyer at best or a police interrogator. Many times I long for the days when he was only 1 year old and all he could say was "mama." Then, it was like music to my ears. Now, when he calls my name, the hair on my nape stands on end and I hold my breath for what comes next!
"John, life is never fair so live with that!" I told him philosophically.
"Is that in the bible?" he asked.
"No, its from the School of Hard knocks!"
After going through more grumblings, I found my mind wandering. I looked at my two sons and asked myself: did I really give birth to these two? I was an obedient child so how could I give birth to two rebellious boys? I began to come up with a fantasy: maybe my "real sons" were switched at birth! Somewhere in the city, my "real sons" are obedient kids who never bust their curfew, they study without being nagged, read their books and fill their notebooks with notes (not graffiti), receive every academic award in school, never run out of allowance, are kind and considerate to their sisters...
All of a sudden, my mind goes back to the present when I feel a kiss on my cheek.
"I love you mom," says Ben.
"I love you too son."
A little later, I hear John call out, "Mom!" The hair on my nape stands and I am holding my breath for what comes next.
"Give me a hug, " John says.
I stretch out my arms and we hug. John gives me a kiss on the top of my head.
I smile and tell myself: until I get reunited with my "real sons," I think I'll just keep these two: they may not be so bad after all.
Teenagers are bundles of contradictions. They want you to treat them like adults but they act like kids half their age. They want their freedom but don't give them any responsibilities because, "Mom, that's your job! I'm just a kid!" They think its ok when they walk around the house in their underwear like when they were toddlers. When it comes to their clothes, your opinions hold no candle to what they think is hip and acceptible.
Just recently our two teenage sons came home 2 hours after their curfew. Like any good parent, we discipline our children with the hope that they will learn to live within the boundaries we put around them, in order to protect them and help them make wise choices for themselves when they grow up. No matter what age, discipline is never fun for a kid. When I started having kids, people told me to beware of the terrible twos. When it comes to discipline, I would rather have 20 two year olds anytime instead of my 2 teenage sons for 3 reasons: first, most toddlers are less than 3 feet tall which makes it easier for a mom to take a child over her knee into spanking position. Secondly, you don't have to explain to a toddler why you are punishing him. All you have to do is blurt out a sharp "No!" and whack his little hand or his little behind. Thirdly, because a toddler's vocabulary is limited, he can't talk back to you.
Now, lets go to my 2 teenage sons: one is 6 ft. and the other 5'10" (includes spiked hair). It would be pretty cumbersome for me to try to pick them up and put them in spanking position. In fact, they could easily pick up my small 5'3" frame without much effort! Whacking their behinds? I may break my hand because after working out in the gym, they brag about having buns of steel! Secondly, they want a precise, logical explanation why they must be punished. I'm beginning to think a year of law school may be good training for mothers of future teeners. Thirdly, they can talk your head off, turning every stone to come up with every reason why they should not be punished. For every half sentence you give, expect 5 sentences from them. Before you know it, you're mentally exhausted and you can't remember why you were disciplining them in the first place! Give me those toddlers anytime!
Going back to their infraction of curfew-busting: my husband Doug talked to the boys a little at the breakfast table to remind them that their action the night before could not go without consequence. They would have to be grounded. He had to leave for work so I was left behind like Daniel in the lions den.
"Mom, how long is our grounding?" asked Ben.
"Well, I wanted it to be until you're 35 but dad thought I should be more merciful so we decided 1 month is enough."
"What! One month for coming home late only once!" Ben could not believe his fate.
"Actually, that covers all the other times when you should have been grounded in the past but we just let it go."
"Mom, isn't there a verse in the bible that says you can't do that!" All of a sudden, my son who doesn't read the bible unless we ask him to has become biblical! I remember when he was 5, I asked him, "What does the bible say about what you should do when someone hits you on one cheek?" Ben answered, "Hit him on the other!" I should have recognized the signs early on. Now, he wrinkled his forehead, trying to remember a verse.
"Do you mean the 11th commandment?," I tried to help him remember, "The one that says, Parents thou shalt not punish your children for more than 1 sin at a time? Sorry, that verse doesn't exist."
"I know: its don't keep a record of sins!" Ben sounded triumphant that he finally remembered something.
"Hmmm, that does not include parents! Parents have to remember their children's sins so that they can punish them," I concluded. If he can't give me the reference of the verse, I can just give him my interpretation of it!
"Mom, one month is not fair!" John blurted out. This son has a future as a trial lawyer at best or a police interrogator. Many times I long for the days when he was only 1 year old and all he could say was "mama." Then, it was like music to my ears. Now, when he calls my name, the hair on my nape stands on end and I hold my breath for what comes next!
"John, life is never fair so live with that!" I told him philosophically.
"Is that in the bible?" he asked.
"No, its from the School of Hard knocks!"
After going through more grumblings, I found my mind wandering. I looked at my two sons and asked myself: did I really give birth to these two? I was an obedient child so how could I give birth to two rebellious boys? I began to come up with a fantasy: maybe my "real sons" were switched at birth! Somewhere in the city, my "real sons" are obedient kids who never bust their curfew, they study without being nagged, read their books and fill their notebooks with notes (not graffiti), receive every academic award in school, never run out of allowance, are kind and considerate to their sisters...
All of a sudden, my mind goes back to the present when I feel a kiss on my cheek.
"I love you mom," says Ben.
"I love you too son."
A little later, I hear John call out, "Mom!" The hair on my nape stands and I am holding my breath for what comes next.
"Give me a hug, " John says.
I stretch out my arms and we hug. John gives me a kiss on the top of my head.
I smile and tell myself: until I get reunited with my "real sons," I think I'll just keep these two: they may not be so bad after all.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Being a Mom means
Here's a belated Mother's Day post. In a span of 10 years, I was either pregnant, breastfeeding or potty training. After 4 kids, I realize I'm no expert and there were times I wondered: Lord, what have I done to deserve this! Is there any sin I haven't confessed? But I have many good memories too and I would never trade those for anything else in this world! So here's to you moms:
Being a mom means...
...getting rid of those high heels that you love wearing because its impossible to run after a toddler in the mall with them on
...forgetting to match your shoes with the baby bag which has become your all year round accessory
...learning to do everything with one arm, even cooking a meal because you need to hold a child with your hip and other arm
...stop eating in the middle of your meal, picking up the stinky baby, changing a diaper and returning to your meal with the same gusto as if nothing happened at all
...walking in your sleep to the crib to pick up the crying baby because your husband who is normally sensitive to noise is all of a sudden deaf
...letting the kids get the best parts of the chicken and learning to really enjoy eating what's left
...having a baby who farts really loud and saying, "excuse me" when everyone looks your way
...trying to explain to your daughter that her new baby brother has different private parts
...taking pictures of your naked babies with the intention of showing these during their wedding reception
...playing monopoly with your kids and giving them all your money when they run out of theirs
...not acting surprised or raising your eyebrows when your child receives the Most Behaved certificate in school
...keeping cool when your son has a gash on his head and you can see his skull when you clean up the blood
...learning to skillfully manuever a stroller on the up or down escalator without causing an accident
...asking help from the Lord when your one year old stuffs a bean up his nostril (thank God he sneezed!)
...mastering the art of pulling out your breast in public to feed a baby without catching everyone's attention
...realizing that with the addition of each child, your love is not divided but multiplied
...even if you fumble big time and ask for your child's forgiveness, he/she is always willing to forgive
...loving every home made card with stick figures and scribblings that say you are the best mom in the world (Hallmark cards could not compare with these!)
...feeling every hurt in your heart when your child is bullied or unjustly treated by others
...hearing a small voice say, "Mom you're talking in your sleep!" when you realize that you had fallen asleep while reading a bedtime story
...believing that even if your child's ranking is 17 out of 24 students in his class, he will someday grow up and do important things for this world
...making a big thing out of their birthdays because you're just glad they were born
...blowing into fat tummies and hearing laughter peal from tickled babies
...understanding what God's unconditional love is about because there is nothing your child can do to make you love them more
...giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and ...
...even if all your kids grow up to be taller than you, you will always remember the time when they were small enough to sit on your lap and you could give them lots of hugs and kisses whether they liked it or not
...even if the day has been horrible and yet you gave it your best shot, you know that the Lord's love and grace will patch up the holes
...loving the child with all your being the very minute you learned you were pregnant
...realizing how much your own mom loves you and appreciating her for all she has done for you
...investing your love, time and life on a child without expecting anything in return
and the list goes on...
Being a mom means...
...getting rid of those high heels that you love wearing because its impossible to run after a toddler in the mall with them on
...forgetting to match your shoes with the baby bag which has become your all year round accessory
...learning to do everything with one arm, even cooking a meal because you need to hold a child with your hip and other arm
...stop eating in the middle of your meal, picking up the stinky baby, changing a diaper and returning to your meal with the same gusto as if nothing happened at all
...walking in your sleep to the crib to pick up the crying baby because your husband who is normally sensitive to noise is all of a sudden deaf
...letting the kids get the best parts of the chicken and learning to really enjoy eating what's left
...having a baby who farts really loud and saying, "excuse me" when everyone looks your way
...trying to explain to your daughter that her new baby brother has different private parts
...taking pictures of your naked babies with the intention of showing these during their wedding reception
...playing monopoly with your kids and giving them all your money when they run out of theirs
...not acting surprised or raising your eyebrows when your child receives the Most Behaved certificate in school
...keeping cool when your son has a gash on his head and you can see his skull when you clean up the blood
...learning to skillfully manuever a stroller on the up or down escalator without causing an accident
...asking help from the Lord when your one year old stuffs a bean up his nostril (thank God he sneezed!)
...mastering the art of pulling out your breast in public to feed a baby without catching everyone's attention
...realizing that with the addition of each child, your love is not divided but multiplied
...even if you fumble big time and ask for your child's forgiveness, he/she is always willing to forgive
...loving every home made card with stick figures and scribblings that say you are the best mom in the world (Hallmark cards could not compare with these!)
...feeling every hurt in your heart when your child is bullied or unjustly treated by others
...hearing a small voice say, "Mom you're talking in your sleep!" when you realize that you had fallen asleep while reading a bedtime story
...believing that even if your child's ranking is 17 out of 24 students in his class, he will someday grow up and do important things for this world
...making a big thing out of their birthdays because you're just glad they were born
...blowing into fat tummies and hearing laughter peal from tickled babies
...understanding what God's unconditional love is about because there is nothing your child can do to make you love them more
...giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and ...
...even if all your kids grow up to be taller than you, you will always remember the time when they were small enough to sit on your lap and you could give them lots of hugs and kisses whether they liked it or not
...even if the day has been horrible and yet you gave it your best shot, you know that the Lord's love and grace will patch up the holes
...loving the child with all your being the very minute you learned you were pregnant
...realizing how much your own mom loves you and appreciating her for all she has done for you
...investing your love, time and life on a child without expecting anything in return
and the list goes on...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Family Reunions
I love family reunions! I love it when we are all together, flipping pages of our memories: our childhood days, people we love and meaningful events --- all these forever etched in our hearts. Our memories become like pieces of jewelry that we lovingly show off to each other.
I guess I am fond of reunions because I have lived away from my family since I was 14. When my dad and mom decided to relocate to Pagadian after living many years in Manila, my sister Sandra and I ended up with my Uncle Rudy and Auntie Letty in Cebu while we pursued our high school studies in St. Theresa's College.
My dad died suddenly of a heart attack that same year we moved. Since then, I found myself living with relatives or staying in dorms as I finished my high school and obtained a university degree. I found employment in Manila and was later joined by my siblings as they graduated from high school and took their college courses in Manila. At one point, four of us stayed in one apartment.
In the meantime, my mom met my stepdad Landon. They got married and mom and my youngest brother Alvin moved to the US in 1983. My youngest sister Vivien joined them the next year. For the longest time, half of our family was in Manila and the other half in Los Angeles: separated by distance but held together by the telephone wires! The only time we were all together was during my wedding in 1989 and then during Dino's wedding in 2000. Those were special times because we were complete then: all the spouses and children were present.
It always seemed difficult to get everyone's schedule synchronized and we were at different levels in our finances which made it challenging to get everyone together. So it was a wonderful gift from the Lord when my mom and all my siblings from the US and Manila flew to Cebu to spend time together while I had a break in my treatments. Although my 2 brothers-in-law did not make it and the only cousins that came were the 2 sons of my 2 brothers, we had a grand time!
We spent a week at a resort in Mactan. The amenities and the food were great but nothing compared to the stories and the laughter that we all shared. Somehow when we are all together, we are young once again, life is uncomplicated and even if it wasn't perfect, it was good. We would laugh at the crazy things we did, remember fondly those who are no longer with us and make fun of ourselves now. We caught up on everyone's lives, listened to our hopes and dreams for the future, shared our pains. We have lived many years apart from each other but when we are together, even for a brief moment, we are "home."
My cousin Chris puts it succinctly: the biggest blessing in our lives is simply the presence of people who care much, whose love is real and who see us beyond ourselves.
I wish I had my mom and siblings closer to me but we don't live in a perfect world where we get everything we wish for. My only consolation is that the love we share will always transcend time and space. Other people may boast of many things they have. I can boast of my family's love and know that I am overwhelmingly blessed!
I guess I am fond of reunions because I have lived away from my family since I was 14. When my dad and mom decided to relocate to Pagadian after living many years in Manila, my sister Sandra and I ended up with my Uncle Rudy and Auntie Letty in Cebu while we pursued our high school studies in St. Theresa's College.
My dad died suddenly of a heart attack that same year we moved. Since then, I found myself living with relatives or staying in dorms as I finished my high school and obtained a university degree. I found employment in Manila and was later joined by my siblings as they graduated from high school and took their college courses in Manila. At one point, four of us stayed in one apartment.
In the meantime, my mom met my stepdad Landon. They got married and mom and my youngest brother Alvin moved to the US in 1983. My youngest sister Vivien joined them the next year. For the longest time, half of our family was in Manila and the other half in Los Angeles: separated by distance but held together by the telephone wires! The only time we were all together was during my wedding in 1989 and then during Dino's wedding in 2000. Those were special times because we were complete then: all the spouses and children were present.
It always seemed difficult to get everyone's schedule synchronized and we were at different levels in our finances which made it challenging to get everyone together. So it was a wonderful gift from the Lord when my mom and all my siblings from the US and Manila flew to Cebu to spend time together while I had a break in my treatments. Although my 2 brothers-in-law did not make it and the only cousins that came were the 2 sons of my 2 brothers, we had a grand time!
We spent a week at a resort in Mactan. The amenities and the food were great but nothing compared to the stories and the laughter that we all shared. Somehow when we are all together, we are young once again, life is uncomplicated and even if it wasn't perfect, it was good. We would laugh at the crazy things we did, remember fondly those who are no longer with us and make fun of ourselves now. We caught up on everyone's lives, listened to our hopes and dreams for the future, shared our pains. We have lived many years apart from each other but when we are together, even for a brief moment, we are "home."
My cousin Chris puts it succinctly: the biggest blessing in our lives is simply the presence of people who care much, whose love is real and who see us beyond ourselves.
I wish I had my mom and siblings closer to me but we don't live in a perfect world where we get everything we wish for. My only consolation is that the love we share will always transcend time and space. Other people may boast of many things they have. I can boast of my family's love and know that I am overwhelmingly blessed!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I'm Home!
On Sunday, April 25, Dr. Zhang and Dr. Wen (the head doctor) met with me. From their assessment, my body has not responded as expected to the 3 cycles of localized chemotherapy. Although the one tumor under my armpit did reduce in size slightly, the other new tumors are still the same size. They had planned to do a cryosurgery on me on Tuesday, April 27 but decided against it because at present, the area where the tumors are is quite extensive. They decided to put me on oral chemo meds instead with hopes that the smaller tumors will shrink. If that happens, then I have the option to have cryosurgery on the remaining tumors in the future.
Since the meds are cheaper here in the Phils. and they do not expect the side effects to be severe, they suggested that I go home and do 2 cycles of oral chemo (2 weeks on the meds and 1 week rest is one cycle). I have to observe the tumors reaction to the drug, as well as have a blood test to make sure that my white blood cell count is not too low.
My initial reaction was a mixture of disbelief and relief that I could go home so soon and yet there was some sadness and disappointment in realizing that their treatments did not produce the results they expected. I asked, what if this oral chemo does not work? They said that then I would have to try hormonal treatments.
I was glad that there were enough seats on the flight on Wednesday, April 28. We spent a few hours in my brother's home in Manila to sleep, eat and visit. Later that day, we were back home. It's great to be back --- to see the Doug and the kids. Even if the temperature is unconfortable (its a blessing not to have hair at this time!), I am happy just to be here.
There was just a glitch in my early return. Doug and Mandee wanted to surprise me and planned to fly to Guangzhou for my last week there. Unfortunately, the change of plans dampened their spontaneous show of love and support for me.
How do I feel about all this? The doctors told me that indeed there are cases of some cancers that are not responsive to chemotherapy. There have been times when I would second guess myself and wonder if I had made a mistake about not opting to have chemo the very first time I was diagnosed. I know now that it would not have made any difference. In a way, I am more confident that it really was the Lord who lead me to try the alternative and more natural approach to this disease. I will be following the doctors' orders to try this oral chemo drug and trust that it will benefit my body. My journey towards health continues.
Although I am tempted to sucumb to depression and lose heart, the Lord has made too many promises to me that I cannot ignore. I have a long history of his faithfulness and have seen him work wonders in our lives --- making a way when there seemed to be none. As I move on, I am more dependent on the Lord's leading. He who has made me, knows my body and what it needs to heal completely. I continue to believe that a miracle is coming and that I will see the Lord resurrect this body from this terrible disease.
You are all a part of this journey. Your prayers and messages have strengthened me and caused me to press on despite set-backs. Thank you.
A dear friend told me that when she read Psalm 116, she felt it was for me. Let me just share a few verses in closing:
"I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!...
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling
And so I walk in the Lord's presence
as I live here on earth..."
Since the meds are cheaper here in the Phils. and they do not expect the side effects to be severe, they suggested that I go home and do 2 cycles of oral chemo (2 weeks on the meds and 1 week rest is one cycle). I have to observe the tumors reaction to the drug, as well as have a blood test to make sure that my white blood cell count is not too low.
My initial reaction was a mixture of disbelief and relief that I could go home so soon and yet there was some sadness and disappointment in realizing that their treatments did not produce the results they expected. I asked, what if this oral chemo does not work? They said that then I would have to try hormonal treatments.
I was glad that there were enough seats on the flight on Wednesday, April 28. We spent a few hours in my brother's home in Manila to sleep, eat and visit. Later that day, we were back home. It's great to be back --- to see the Doug and the kids. Even if the temperature is unconfortable (its a blessing not to have hair at this time!), I am happy just to be here.
There was just a glitch in my early return. Doug and Mandee wanted to surprise me and planned to fly to Guangzhou for my last week there. Unfortunately, the change of plans dampened their spontaneous show of love and support for me.
How do I feel about all this? The doctors told me that indeed there are cases of some cancers that are not responsive to chemotherapy. There have been times when I would second guess myself and wonder if I had made a mistake about not opting to have chemo the very first time I was diagnosed. I know now that it would not have made any difference. In a way, I am more confident that it really was the Lord who lead me to try the alternative and more natural approach to this disease. I will be following the doctors' orders to try this oral chemo drug and trust that it will benefit my body. My journey towards health continues.
Although I am tempted to sucumb to depression and lose heart, the Lord has made too many promises to me that I cannot ignore. I have a long history of his faithfulness and have seen him work wonders in our lives --- making a way when there seemed to be none. As I move on, I am more dependent on the Lord's leading. He who has made me, knows my body and what it needs to heal completely. I continue to believe that a miracle is coming and that I will see the Lord resurrect this body from this terrible disease.
You are all a part of this journey. Your prayers and messages have strengthened me and caused me to press on despite set-backs. Thank you.
A dear friend told me that when she read Psalm 116, she felt it was for me. Let me just share a few verses in closing:
"I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!...
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling
And so I walk in the Lord's presence
as I live here on earth..."
Friday, April 23, 2010
Back in Guangzhou
Jonina and I flew out of Cebu around noon on April 12. We had a five hour lay over in Manila which did not seem like eternity because my sister and brother-in-law, Sandra and Carlo Ratilla, met us in the airport. It was good to see Carlo because he was unable to join us when the rest of my siblings and mom were in Cebu. We had a good time eating, sharing stories, and praying for each other.
We left Manila around 7:20pm and reached Guangzhou about 2 hours later. Since I was on a wheel chair immigration and customs went quickly. We saw the Fuda rep. frantically trying to hold up 5 signs with names on 2 hands. We found out that he was waiting for 9 patients to arrive that night coming in from different airlines. Our small group which arrived on Cebu Pacific sat down in a corner and waited for another 2 hours for the rest of the patients to arrive. It was not hard to start up a conversation with anyone. We were like kindred spirits, facing the same enemy and sharing common experiences. We talked about our treatments and what else we had to face, each of us wondering what the future would hold. I thought man and medicine can only do so much, but only God can heal. In the midst of our common pain, God is our only hope.
When everyone finally arrived, we were a group of 23. We filled half a tourist bus but this bus was not taking us on a tour, it was taking us to our “home:” the Fuda cancer hospital. It was 1am when we finally arrived. When we finally got to the 7th floor, the nurse on duty recognized me and asked where "uncle" was. It was a question I had to answer many times later as I met the other nurses.
The next day, Jonina and I decided to explore the neighborhood. I showed her the bakeries, fruit stands and grocery. After exchanging some money, we decided to have luch in KFC much to her disgust. She said, "We did not travel all the way from the Philippines to eat KFC!" I said, "Well, I’m putting off eating Chinese food as long as I can!"
On Wednesday I had my CT scan. Doctor Zhang told me that there was only a slight improvement between my first PET scan and this latest one. It seems like the first 2 rounds of chemo only had minimal effect on the cancer so they decided to give me a stronger chemo med. This wasn’t the news I was wanting to hear.
I had my localized chemo the next day. You would think that after doing it twice, I should be used to this but I’m not. Just the sight of the operating room makes me queasy. At first they had a problem finding my files and almost put up another person's file for reference. It's good I’m far sighted and could see that it was not my name on the screen. It took some time for them to locate it and I had to instruct the nurse where my name was on the screen’s list of patients.
When it was almost finished the nurse asked me, "How do you feel?" I said, "My knee is numb." She asked, "Knee?" She then pulled down the cover from my chest thinking my “knee” was somewhere there. I repeated, "My knee is numb," trying to point to it. A doctor came in to ask me what I had just said. So I repeated myself. The nurse moved to my right foot, touched it and commanded me, “Move!” I wiggled my toes in compliance but in my mind I was screaming, "It's my knee, not my foot!" Finally after a while, they asked me to bend my right leg and the nurse touched my knee. I said, "Yah, that's the one."
As could be expected, the discomforts of the new chemo med is more. I feel like I have a mouthful of teeth with cavities. Eating is not a pleasurable experience. I sometimes have a headache or ear aches or aches in my joints. I have had 3 days of infusions, about nine each time. I have somehow felt that the tumor in my right armpit has become smaller but at other times I wonder if it is all my imagination. To make things worse Dr. Zhang just told me that I will have an infusion of the chemo med in a few days because the initial doze is not enough.
At this point, I am rather discouraged and wonder why I am still here if the treatments are not working as expected. I skyped Doug and he told me that he had received a letter from Linda, a member of our church in Peterborough, Canada. She started the letter by telling me that I did not know her but she was touched when she heard I was battling with cancer. A sister who was close to her faced the same battle. When she would go on walks, the Lord would bring me to her mind and tell her that I had angels with me, not one or two but many! The Lord also gave her a message to me that he would be the one who would give me the comfort I was seeking – 100% of it! She ended her letter by saying, “In our Father’s caring arms, all is peaceful, all is safe, all is well.”
The letter touched me at my deepest need at that very moment. Like a soothing balm on my weary heart, I experienced a loving touch from my Father. He knows what I am going through and he can provide all that I need to sustain me during this time. I don’t understand all that is happening but I am sure: he is all I need.
Thank you Linda.
We left Manila around 7:20pm and reached Guangzhou about 2 hours later. Since I was on a wheel chair immigration and customs went quickly. We saw the Fuda rep. frantically trying to hold up 5 signs with names on 2 hands. We found out that he was waiting for 9 patients to arrive that night coming in from different airlines. Our small group which arrived on Cebu Pacific sat down in a corner and waited for another 2 hours for the rest of the patients to arrive. It was not hard to start up a conversation with anyone. We were like kindred spirits, facing the same enemy and sharing common experiences. We talked about our treatments and what else we had to face, each of us wondering what the future would hold. I thought man and medicine can only do so much, but only God can heal. In the midst of our common pain, God is our only hope.
When everyone finally arrived, we were a group of 23. We filled half a tourist bus but this bus was not taking us on a tour, it was taking us to our “home:” the Fuda cancer hospital. It was 1am when we finally arrived. When we finally got to the 7th floor, the nurse on duty recognized me and asked where "uncle" was. It was a question I had to answer many times later as I met the other nurses.
The next day, Jonina and I decided to explore the neighborhood. I showed her the bakeries, fruit stands and grocery. After exchanging some money, we decided to have luch in KFC much to her disgust. She said, "We did not travel all the way from the Philippines to eat KFC!" I said, "Well, I’m putting off eating Chinese food as long as I can!"
On Wednesday I had my CT scan. Doctor Zhang told me that there was only a slight improvement between my first PET scan and this latest one. It seems like the first 2 rounds of chemo only had minimal effect on the cancer so they decided to give me a stronger chemo med. This wasn’t the news I was wanting to hear.
I had my localized chemo the next day. You would think that after doing it twice, I should be used to this but I’m not. Just the sight of the operating room makes me queasy. At first they had a problem finding my files and almost put up another person's file for reference. It's good I’m far sighted and could see that it was not my name on the screen. It took some time for them to locate it and I had to instruct the nurse where my name was on the screen’s list of patients.
When it was almost finished the nurse asked me, "How do you feel?" I said, "My knee is numb." She asked, "Knee?" She then pulled down the cover from my chest thinking my “knee” was somewhere there. I repeated, "My knee is numb," trying to point to it. A doctor came in to ask me what I had just said. So I repeated myself. The nurse moved to my right foot, touched it and commanded me, “Move!” I wiggled my toes in compliance but in my mind I was screaming, "It's my knee, not my foot!" Finally after a while, they asked me to bend my right leg and the nurse touched my knee. I said, "Yah, that's the one."
As could be expected, the discomforts of the new chemo med is more. I feel like I have a mouthful of teeth with cavities. Eating is not a pleasurable experience. I sometimes have a headache or ear aches or aches in my joints. I have had 3 days of infusions, about nine each time. I have somehow felt that the tumor in my right armpit has become smaller but at other times I wonder if it is all my imagination. To make things worse Dr. Zhang just told me that I will have an infusion of the chemo med in a few days because the initial doze is not enough.
At this point, I am rather discouraged and wonder why I am still here if the treatments are not working as expected. I skyped Doug and he told me that he had received a letter from Linda, a member of our church in Peterborough, Canada. She started the letter by telling me that I did not know her but she was touched when she heard I was battling with cancer. A sister who was close to her faced the same battle. When she would go on walks, the Lord would bring me to her mind and tell her that I had angels with me, not one or two but many! The Lord also gave her a message to me that he would be the one who would give me the comfort I was seeking – 100% of it! She ended her letter by saying, “In our Father’s caring arms, all is peaceful, all is safe, all is well.”
The letter touched me at my deepest need at that very moment. Like a soothing balm on my weary heart, I experienced a loving touch from my Father. He knows what I am going through and he can provide all that I need to sustain me during this time. I don’t understand all that is happening but I am sure: he is all I need.
Thank you Linda.
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