I'm Home!

On Sunday, April 25, Dr. Zhang and Dr. Wen (the head doctor) met with me. From their assessment, my body has not responded as expected to the 3 cycles of localized chemotherapy. Although the one tumor under my armpit did reduce in size slightly, the other new tumors are still the same size. They had planned to do a cryosurgery on me on Tuesday, April 27 but decided against it because at present, the area where the tumors are is quite extensive. They decided to put me on oral chemo meds instead with hopes that the smaller tumors will shrink. If that happens, then I have the option to have cryosurgery on the remaining tumors in the future.
Since the meds are cheaper here in the Phils. and they do not expect the side effects to be severe, they suggested that I go home and do 2 cycles of oral chemo (2 weeks on the meds and 1 week rest is one cycle). I have to observe the tumors reaction to the drug, as well as have a blood test to make sure that my white blood cell count is not too low.

My initial reaction was a mixture of disbelief and relief that I could go home so soon and yet there was some sadness and disappointment in realizing that their treatments did not produce the results they expected. I asked, what if this oral chemo does not work? They said that then I would have to try hormonal treatments.

I was glad that there were enough seats on the flight on Wednesday, April 28. We spent a few hours in my brother's home in Manila to sleep, eat and visit. Later that day, we were back home. It's great to be back --- to see the Doug and the kids. Even if the temperature is unconfortable (its a blessing not to have hair at this time!), I am happy just to be here.

There was just a glitch in my early return. Doug and Mandee wanted to surprise me and planned to fly to Guangzhou for my last week there. Unfortunately, the change of plans dampened their spontaneous show of love and support for me.

How do I feel about all this? The doctors told me that indeed there are cases of some cancers that are not responsive to chemotherapy. There have been times when I would second guess myself and wonder if I had made a mistake about not opting to have chemo the very first time I was diagnosed. I know now that it would not have made any difference. In a way, I am more confident that it really was the Lord who lead me to try the alternative and more natural approach to this disease. I will be following the doctors' orders to try this oral chemo drug and trust that it will benefit my body. My journey towards health continues.

Although I am tempted to sucumb to depression and lose heart, the Lord has made too many promises to me that I cannot ignore. I have a long history of his faithfulness and have seen him work wonders in our lives --- making a way when there seemed to be none. As I move on, I am more dependent on the Lord's leading. He who has made me, knows my body and what it needs to heal completely. I continue to believe that a miracle is coming and that I will see the Lord resurrect this body from this terrible disease.

You are all a part of this journey. Your prayers and messages have strengthened me and caused me to press on despite set-backs. Thank you.

A dear friend told me that when she read Psalm 116, she felt it was for me. Let me just share a few verses in closing:

"I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!...
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling
And so I walk in the Lord's presence
as I live here on earth..."