The announcement of the Department of Education that they will include sex education in the basic curriculum stirred up a hornet's nest. Groups pro and anti started hurling arguements at each other. Lawsuits are even being filed to nullify the DepEd order. One proponent said that if the word sex is so offensive, maybe they can just call it gender education. The antis would not have it. A rose by any other name will still smell like a rose. Sex by any other name will still be malodorous to some nostrils. The antis want sex education to be the parents responsibility. I totally agree except for one good reason: my mother never talked to me about sex so how could I talk to my kids about it!
Well, actually, my mom did try to tell me the story of the birds and the bees when I was about 10. I remember she was reading a magazine and then called me over(in retrospect, she must have been reading an article on how to talk to your child about sex without offending them). She first asked me if I knew where babies come from. I told her no and I should have added, I don't really care because the thought never crossed my mind. Anyway, she started to tell me that daddy would plant an invisible seed in mommy's tummy and that seed would grow into a baby. While she was talking symbolically, I was thinking literally. I imagined my dad going really close to my mom, holding this invisible seed (from who knows where!) between his thumb and forefinger and pushing it in my mom's tummy. Much like a farmer planting a seed on the ground. Nine months after, a baby is born. My mom never asked me if I had any questions. If she did, I wouldn't know where to begin!
All I know is, after that little talk, I made sure I was never too close to a boy because he may plant a little invisible seed in my tummy without me knowing about it! What a tragedy that would be! Not knowing who the father of your baby is! With that as my introduction to sex, I knew I wasn't the expert who could talk to my kids about it.
Jonina later told me that one day in elementary school, a classmate bragged that she knew how babies are made. She then revealed the secret of copulation to the curious. Jonina was flabergasted! "What! My mom had 4 kids and she never did that!" Wow, the Virgin Mary could only boast of one immaculate conception. I had four!
Since I pleaded ignorance, like a good dad, Doug took the responsibility of educating our children about sex. He told me that his talk with them was brief and straight to the point. Like me, none of them had questions. I think they were thinking in their minds: why would anyone want to do that?
Amanda just started grade 5 and for their first science lesson, they had to learn the different sexual organs and the process of reproduction. Since they were going to have a test, I had to review her (I couldn't back out on this). I tried to be as clinical as possible. Except for a "ewwwhh, gross!" and covering a detailed picture of the male genitalia with her hands when I turned the page, she kept her thoughts to herself. When Jonina learned what Mandee's science lesson was all about, she teased her about already knowing about sex, Mandee looked perplexed and asked, "I do?"
Just what I suspected! The lesson just flew over her head and she had no idea what all those body parts were leading to. Maybe my mom's story about the invisible seed may interest her more...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Letters from Amanda
Amanda came into our lives like a P.S. in a letter. Our third child John was turning 4 and ready to tackle pre-school and I was turning 40 that year: too old to have babies and too young to be a grandma or so I thought. But a month before giving birth to John, I just had a great desire in my heart to have another baby girl whom I planned to name Amanda which meant "much loved." I kept that longing a secret in my heart and wondered if indeed the Lord would bless our household with another girl.
When I found out I was pregnant, the kids were so excited! Jonina (then 9 years old) put in her request for a baby girl. Ben (6) wanted a baby boy and John was happy enough to get a baby pig! When Amanda was born and Doug broke the news to the kids: Jonina was elated, Ben was disappointed, John shrugged his shoulders and suggested, "Let's call her skunk!" But as soon as they laid their eyes on her, Amanda (we also call her Mandee) was much loved by us all.
Today Mandee is 11 years old and is raring to be 18! She still likes to play jackstones, tag, Go fish and thinks wearing a bra is so embarrasing. She can't wait for her feet to grow so that she can wear my shoes. She loves Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, the Jonas Brothers and American Idol. She is always on facebook and chats with her classmates and friends on YM. She loves to sing and hopes one day to join the church worship team.
In the school where she goes, they have a diary which is used as a journal for the kids to jot down thoughts and happenings in their daily lives. Mandee always addresses her letters as: Dear Diary but actually, she is writing to her teacher. I love reading those letters because it gives me a glimpse of her heart. They are sometimes funny and amusing. Other times, they are thoughtful and revealing.
Let me let you in on some of her letters:
Dear Diary,
...Yahoo! We have PE today. I like PE. How about you teacher? You like PE? What was your favorite subject when you were a kid?
...It is my sister's birthday today. She is 18 now. I wish it was my birthday so I can be 10. I like to be 10.
...(do) you like to be with your boyfriend? Do you want to go on a date with him? Do you like to be with him often? (teacher replied: all yes! hahaha!)
...check what you like: ____cute boys ______cool boys _____smart boys
...Are you close to D (name of teacher's boyfriend)? Can you tell me more about him? I want to know more please. (If you do) I will tell you (who) my crush (is).
...I wonder what kind of pop star I look like? I would like to look like someone who is pretty!
...Teacher, do you want to get married soon? What age do you want to ge married? Me I want to get married at 28. My mom got married at 30! For me that is old.
...What did you like to do when you were small? Did you like to go to school or did you hate school? Me, I kind of hate school. I liked it when I was in pre-school because my mom was my teacher so it was fun. She has her own school and I went there.
...Today is a bad day. Tina cried. I feel sad for Tina --- always doing her best and people are not listening to her. I wish people would just listen.
...Do you like a husband who is kind or handsome or funny or all (that I mentioned)?
...Well I need to tell you something. My mom's tumor was getting smaller and smaller and that was good. But this month, it got bigger. I touched it and it is really big. Our family is giving out newsletters to the people who are praying for my mom. I am soooo sad :( but I know God will heal my mom. But please pray for my mom. She needs prayers. Our family needs people to fight the battle for my mom's life. I feel like crying teacher.
...Teacher, thank you for praying for my family. I love you teacher! I really hope my mom will get all better.
...I wonder why Korean singers are so popular. Their songs are so annoying for me.
...Today R hit me on the head (Mandee then describes in detail all that happened)...It hurt so much and then I choked him. The end.
...I wish I didn't need to go to Chinese tutor...but I (would) rather play with my friends because I am still a kid. I want to be free and enjoy life. Teacher do you think that's good for us kids?
The winds of time flip through the pages of our lives. Dust settles on teddy bears, Barbie dolls and pocelain tea sets. Very soon, high heels and make up will be her favorite things. In a blink of an eye, my little girl will give way to a lovely young lady. Someday she will fall in love, marry a lucky young man and have her own babies. When that happens, I pray that I will be around to share her happiness and cry myself silly at every happy occassion. When times are tough, I want to be there to hold her hand and tell her everything will be ok.
But until that time, I will cherish the little girl who still wants me to tuck her in bed and tell her stories of when she was a baby.
When I found out I was pregnant, the kids were so excited! Jonina (then 9 years old) put in her request for a baby girl. Ben (6) wanted a baby boy and John was happy enough to get a baby pig! When Amanda was born and Doug broke the news to the kids: Jonina was elated, Ben was disappointed, John shrugged his shoulders and suggested, "Let's call her skunk!" But as soon as they laid their eyes on her, Amanda (we also call her Mandee) was much loved by us all.
Today Mandee is 11 years old and is raring to be 18! She still likes to play jackstones, tag, Go fish and thinks wearing a bra is so embarrasing. She can't wait for her feet to grow so that she can wear my shoes. She loves Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, the Jonas Brothers and American Idol. She is always on facebook and chats with her classmates and friends on YM. She loves to sing and hopes one day to join the church worship team.
In the school where she goes, they have a diary which is used as a journal for the kids to jot down thoughts and happenings in their daily lives. Mandee always addresses her letters as: Dear Diary but actually, she is writing to her teacher. I love reading those letters because it gives me a glimpse of her heart. They are sometimes funny and amusing. Other times, they are thoughtful and revealing.
Let me let you in on some of her letters:
Dear Diary,
...Yahoo! We have PE today. I like PE. How about you teacher? You like PE? What was your favorite subject when you were a kid?
...It is my sister's birthday today. She is 18 now. I wish it was my birthday so I can be 10. I like to be 10.
...(do) you like to be with your boyfriend? Do you want to go on a date with him? Do you like to be with him often? (teacher replied: all yes! hahaha!)
...check what you like: ____cute boys ______cool boys _____smart boys
...Are you close to D (name of teacher's boyfriend)? Can you tell me more about him? I want to know more please. (If you do) I will tell you (who) my crush (is).
...I wonder what kind of pop star I look like? I would like to look like someone who is pretty!
...Teacher, do you want to get married soon? What age do you want to ge married? Me I want to get married at 28. My mom got married at 30! For me that is old.
...What did you like to do when you were small? Did you like to go to school or did you hate school? Me, I kind of hate school. I liked it when I was in pre-school because my mom was my teacher so it was fun. She has her own school and I went there.
...Today is a bad day. Tina cried. I feel sad for Tina --- always doing her best and people are not listening to her. I wish people would just listen.
...Do you like a husband who is kind or handsome or funny or all (that I mentioned)?
...Well I need to tell you something. My mom's tumor was getting smaller and smaller and that was good. But this month, it got bigger. I touched it and it is really big. Our family is giving out newsletters to the people who are praying for my mom. I am soooo sad :( but I know God will heal my mom. But please pray for my mom. She needs prayers. Our family needs people to fight the battle for my mom's life. I feel like crying teacher.
...Teacher, thank you for praying for my family. I love you teacher! I really hope my mom will get all better.
...I wonder why Korean singers are so popular. Their songs are so annoying for me.
...Today R hit me on the head (Mandee then describes in detail all that happened)...It hurt so much and then I choked him. The end.
...I wish I didn't need to go to Chinese tutor...but I (would) rather play with my friends because I am still a kid. I want to be free and enjoy life. Teacher do you think that's good for us kids?
The winds of time flip through the pages of our lives. Dust settles on teddy bears, Barbie dolls and pocelain tea sets. Very soon, high heels and make up will be her favorite things. In a blink of an eye, my little girl will give way to a lovely young lady. Someday she will fall in love, marry a lucky young man and have her own babies. When that happens, I pray that I will be around to share her happiness and cry myself silly at every happy occassion. When times are tough, I want to be there to hold her hand and tell her everything will be ok.
But until that time, I will cherish the little girl who still wants me to tuck her in bed and tell her stories of when she was a baby.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Raising Teenagers
My dear friend and fellow-blogger, Lolette suggested a topic for my next post: the joy of raising teenagers. Joy...teenagers? It seems like an oxymoron. Is there joy in raising teenagers? Challenge seems like a better word. Insanity is a close second.
Teenagers are bundles of contradictions. They want you to treat them like adults but they act like kids half their age. They want their freedom but don't give them any responsibilities because, "Mom, that's your job! I'm just a kid!" They think its ok when they walk around the house in their underwear like when they were toddlers. When it comes to their clothes, your opinions hold no candle to what they think is hip and acceptible.
Just recently our two teenage sons came home 2 hours after their curfew. Like any good parent, we discipline our children with the hope that they will learn to live within the boundaries we put around them, in order to protect them and help them make wise choices for themselves when they grow up. No matter what age, discipline is never fun for a kid. When I started having kids, people told me to beware of the terrible twos. When it comes to discipline, I would rather have 20 two year olds anytime instead of my 2 teenage sons for 3 reasons: first, most toddlers are less than 3 feet tall which makes it easier for a mom to take a child over her knee into spanking position. Secondly, you don't have to explain to a toddler why you are punishing him. All you have to do is blurt out a sharp "No!" and whack his little hand or his little behind. Thirdly, because a toddler's vocabulary is limited, he can't talk back to you.
Now, lets go to my 2 teenage sons: one is 6 ft. and the other 5'10" (includes spiked hair). It would be pretty cumbersome for me to try to pick them up and put them in spanking position. In fact, they could easily pick up my small 5'3" frame without much effort! Whacking their behinds? I may break my hand because after working out in the gym, they brag about having buns of steel! Secondly, they want a precise, logical explanation why they must be punished. I'm beginning to think a year of law school may be good training for mothers of future teeners. Thirdly, they can talk your head off, turning every stone to come up with every reason why they should not be punished. For every half sentence you give, expect 5 sentences from them. Before you know it, you're mentally exhausted and you can't remember why you were disciplining them in the first place! Give me those toddlers anytime!
Going back to their infraction of curfew-busting: my husband Doug talked to the boys a little at the breakfast table to remind them that their action the night before could not go without consequence. They would have to be grounded. He had to leave for work so I was left behind like Daniel in the lions den.
"Mom, how long is our grounding?" asked Ben.
"Well, I wanted it to be until you're 35 but dad thought I should be more merciful so we decided 1 month is enough."
"What! One month for coming home late only once!" Ben could not believe his fate.
"Actually, that covers all the other times when you should have been grounded in the past but we just let it go."
"Mom, isn't there a verse in the bible that says you can't do that!" All of a sudden, my son who doesn't read the bible unless we ask him to has become biblical! I remember when he was 5, I asked him, "What does the bible say about what you should do when someone hits you on one cheek?" Ben answered, "Hit him on the other!" I should have recognized the signs early on. Now, he wrinkled his forehead, trying to remember a verse.
"Do you mean the 11th commandment?," I tried to help him remember, "The one that says, Parents thou shalt not punish your children for more than 1 sin at a time? Sorry, that verse doesn't exist."
"I know: its don't keep a record of sins!" Ben sounded triumphant that he finally remembered something.
"Hmmm, that does not include parents! Parents have to remember their children's sins so that they can punish them," I concluded. If he can't give me the reference of the verse, I can just give him my interpretation of it!
"Mom, one month is not fair!" John blurted out. This son has a future as a trial lawyer at best or a police interrogator. Many times I long for the days when he was only 1 year old and all he could say was "mama." Then, it was like music to my ears. Now, when he calls my name, the hair on my nape stands on end and I hold my breath for what comes next!
"John, life is never fair so live with that!" I told him philosophically.
"Is that in the bible?" he asked.
"No, its from the School of Hard knocks!"
After going through more grumblings, I found my mind wandering. I looked at my two sons and asked myself: did I really give birth to these two? I was an obedient child so how could I give birth to two rebellious boys? I began to come up with a fantasy: maybe my "real sons" were switched at birth! Somewhere in the city, my "real sons" are obedient kids who never bust their curfew, they study without being nagged, read their books and fill their notebooks with notes (not graffiti), receive every academic award in school, never run out of allowance, are kind and considerate to their sisters...
All of a sudden, my mind goes back to the present when I feel a kiss on my cheek.
"I love you mom," says Ben.
"I love you too son."
A little later, I hear John call out, "Mom!" The hair on my nape stands and I am holding my breath for what comes next.
"Give me a hug, " John says.
I stretch out my arms and we hug. John gives me a kiss on the top of my head.
I smile and tell myself: until I get reunited with my "real sons," I think I'll just keep these two: they may not be so bad after all.
Teenagers are bundles of contradictions. They want you to treat them like adults but they act like kids half their age. They want their freedom but don't give them any responsibilities because, "Mom, that's your job! I'm just a kid!" They think its ok when they walk around the house in their underwear like when they were toddlers. When it comes to their clothes, your opinions hold no candle to what they think is hip and acceptible.
Just recently our two teenage sons came home 2 hours after their curfew. Like any good parent, we discipline our children with the hope that they will learn to live within the boundaries we put around them, in order to protect them and help them make wise choices for themselves when they grow up. No matter what age, discipline is never fun for a kid. When I started having kids, people told me to beware of the terrible twos. When it comes to discipline, I would rather have 20 two year olds anytime instead of my 2 teenage sons for 3 reasons: first, most toddlers are less than 3 feet tall which makes it easier for a mom to take a child over her knee into spanking position. Secondly, you don't have to explain to a toddler why you are punishing him. All you have to do is blurt out a sharp "No!" and whack his little hand or his little behind. Thirdly, because a toddler's vocabulary is limited, he can't talk back to you.
Now, lets go to my 2 teenage sons: one is 6 ft. and the other 5'10" (includes spiked hair). It would be pretty cumbersome for me to try to pick them up and put them in spanking position. In fact, they could easily pick up my small 5'3" frame without much effort! Whacking their behinds? I may break my hand because after working out in the gym, they brag about having buns of steel! Secondly, they want a precise, logical explanation why they must be punished. I'm beginning to think a year of law school may be good training for mothers of future teeners. Thirdly, they can talk your head off, turning every stone to come up with every reason why they should not be punished. For every half sentence you give, expect 5 sentences from them. Before you know it, you're mentally exhausted and you can't remember why you were disciplining them in the first place! Give me those toddlers anytime!
Going back to their infraction of curfew-busting: my husband Doug talked to the boys a little at the breakfast table to remind them that their action the night before could not go without consequence. They would have to be grounded. He had to leave for work so I was left behind like Daniel in the lions den.
"Mom, how long is our grounding?" asked Ben.
"Well, I wanted it to be until you're 35 but dad thought I should be more merciful so we decided 1 month is enough."
"What! One month for coming home late only once!" Ben could not believe his fate.
"Actually, that covers all the other times when you should have been grounded in the past but we just let it go."
"Mom, isn't there a verse in the bible that says you can't do that!" All of a sudden, my son who doesn't read the bible unless we ask him to has become biblical! I remember when he was 5, I asked him, "What does the bible say about what you should do when someone hits you on one cheek?" Ben answered, "Hit him on the other!" I should have recognized the signs early on. Now, he wrinkled his forehead, trying to remember a verse.
"Do you mean the 11th commandment?," I tried to help him remember, "The one that says, Parents thou shalt not punish your children for more than 1 sin at a time? Sorry, that verse doesn't exist."
"I know: its don't keep a record of sins!" Ben sounded triumphant that he finally remembered something.
"Hmmm, that does not include parents! Parents have to remember their children's sins so that they can punish them," I concluded. If he can't give me the reference of the verse, I can just give him my interpretation of it!
"Mom, one month is not fair!" John blurted out. This son has a future as a trial lawyer at best or a police interrogator. Many times I long for the days when he was only 1 year old and all he could say was "mama." Then, it was like music to my ears. Now, when he calls my name, the hair on my nape stands on end and I hold my breath for what comes next!
"John, life is never fair so live with that!" I told him philosophically.
"Is that in the bible?" he asked.
"No, its from the School of Hard knocks!"
After going through more grumblings, I found my mind wandering. I looked at my two sons and asked myself: did I really give birth to these two? I was an obedient child so how could I give birth to two rebellious boys? I began to come up with a fantasy: maybe my "real sons" were switched at birth! Somewhere in the city, my "real sons" are obedient kids who never bust their curfew, they study without being nagged, read their books and fill their notebooks with notes (not graffiti), receive every academic award in school, never run out of allowance, are kind and considerate to their sisters...
All of a sudden, my mind goes back to the present when I feel a kiss on my cheek.
"I love you mom," says Ben.
"I love you too son."
A little later, I hear John call out, "Mom!" The hair on my nape stands and I am holding my breath for what comes next.
"Give me a hug, " John says.
I stretch out my arms and we hug. John gives me a kiss on the top of my head.
I smile and tell myself: until I get reunited with my "real sons," I think I'll just keep these two: they may not be so bad after all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)