We have been attending Church of Our King (COOK)since 2002 after we returned from furlough. It has been our home church since then.
While we were in China, we did not have a chance to attend any worship services. Although Doug and I had daily times of prayer and worship, there is something dynamic about group worship. Today, I looked forward to seeing all our friends and to worship together. I was not disappointed. The worship was wonderful and I felt the Lord's presence from the very start.
Doug and I were given some time to share our testimonies of what the Lord has done for us while we were in China. This is what I had to say:
“How can we understand the road we travel? It is the Lord who directs our steps.” Prov. 20:24
I read this scripture after my mastectomy in Jan. 2008. The challenge of cancer has led me through many roads, side streets, detours and dead ends. Some roads were rough and difficult to travel and others were smooth and easy. As I have said before, during the last 2 years I always seemed to travel between death’s door and a miracle. My only comfort is knowing that it is the Lord who has been directing my steps. He has been with me and has never left me. I know that many times when my strength was gone, he carried me through.
Last month, the road led us to Guangzhou, China. Finally knowing the severity of my situation in direct, cold medical terms was very sobering. I was depressed after knowing the results of my pet scan but after many tears, I realized that the Lord is just setting up the scenario for a miracle.
I decided to put my diagnosis at the back of my head and plunged into my treatments. I had 2 cryosurgeries, 2 local chemotherapies and one comprehensive immunotherapy for cancer which intends to boost my immune system to fight off the metastasis --- all in 5 weeks. I had so many needle pricks, some of which were very painful. I have a high threshold for pain (I gave birth to 4 children lamaze style with no anesthesia!) but I began to have some kind of phobia for it. Inspite of the pain, I would always think: this is a small price to pay to see Amanda’s children. And it really is.
When you battle cancer, you choose who would be your companion: fear or faith. And its never an easy decision even if you have been a Christian for so long. Fear can overpower you and render you helpless and hopeless. Sometimes, it seems easy to give in to fear. But faith is what pleases the Father: Faith in what he has spoken and faith to believe that it will come to pass. It is not faith that I can generate in myself. It is faith that comes from allowing the Lord Jesus to live his life in me.
(A few months ago, I watched a movie that made an impact in my life, "Faith like Potatoes." A statement in the movie has become meaningful to me: the condition for a great miracle is not difficulty but impossibility. The Bible says: Nothing is impossible for God. I am still waiting for that miracle.)
I just want to thank all of you for joining your faith with ours during this journey and especially during the last 5 weeks. Thanks so much for your generous giving at such a short notice. Thanks for those who checked on the kids and treated them to meals or cooked meals for them. I heard that they ate very well while we were away! Thanks for your prayers and emails that encouraged Doug and I while we were in China.
The journey hasn’t ended yet. I will be returning to Guangzhou mid-April for a month to finish the last 2 cycles of chemo. Please pray that during this 1 month of rest, my inflamed lymph nodes will start to soften or grow smaller or disappear. Otherwise, they may have to give me stronger chemo meds for the last 2 cycles.
Thanks so much for the love you have shown in various practical ways to us as a family. We wouldn't have made it without your love and prayers!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Reality Check
I was so excited about flying home, I could not sleep a wink on Thursday night. Doug got up at 5 am and I thought I should too. After breakfast and saying good-bye to some friends, we left Fuda Hospital at 7 am.
We had a layover in Hong Kong for about 5 hours. Where we ate, there was a selection of Chinese noodle soup and other food. I stayed clear of the Chinese food. I don't want to even smell Chinese food for the next 10 years!
When we finally descended towards Cebu, I turned to Doug with tears in my eyes and said: We're home!
It was so great to be met by the girls and friends. The boys decided to stay home to study for exams.
Home sweet home. No matter how long you've been away, it is always good to come home --- to familiar, comfortable things, even if they are not perfect. The smells, the sights, the traffic, the tastes, the people --- I love them all! This is home for me.
After catching up with the kids on things they wanted to show us and hearing all their stories, I asked them to all go to bed to prepare for the exams tomorrow. I was tired and needed to plop into bed.
It was hot so I decided to take my cap off. While I undressed, I decided to take out the dressing to give a wound from my first cryosurgery a breather. I did this infront of a mirror in the dressing room. I must tell you that when I was in China, I avoided the mirror. I just did not have the courage to see with my eyes what was happening to me. But now I saw it all. I saw the scars of the surgery, scars where the tubes and needles were inserted. My skin on my chest has darkened like it was burned. I have bruises where they gave me multiple injections. I saw my bones sticking out and my muscles just hanging on to my frame which is now down to 40k. I looked at myself and could not believe what my eyes were seeing! Not too long ago, I thought of myself as an attractive woman. Now I look like an experiment that has gone terribly bad, a Frankenstein! I broke down and cried.
Doug did not know what was happening to me. Between my sobs and wails I poured out to him how I felt about seeing myself for the first time. He hugged and reassured me that things would get better. Still I cried --- I was devastated. In the midst of Doug telling me that my looks is not that important, a lovely lesson learned from Antoine de Saint Exupery's Little Prince came across my mind: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." Somehow that brought comfort to me. Bald and gaunt, I don't look like anything I was before, but deep inside, I am the essential me.
Then I thought about the vows we made 21 years ago on Jan. 28 --- for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do us part. When you are young, it sounds just like a cliche. After 21 years and facing life's challenges together, you realize that such vows are difficult to make and keep. Only God could give you the grace and strength to keep those vows and remain committed to each other --- no matter what life throws your way.
I washed my face and said: This is the last time I will feel sorry for myself. I know that the Lord is healing me and bringing complete restoration. He has promised to restore my health and bring fatness to my bones. He has promised to give me a new song of praise so that people will know and hear about him. This cancer may ravage my body and steal my looks, but it will never be able to extinguish the fire that the Lord has put inside of me.
Before I went to bed, I had to ask Doug: will you ever leave me? Of course not, he quickly answered. I fell asleep thankful.
We had a layover in Hong Kong for about 5 hours. Where we ate, there was a selection of Chinese noodle soup and other food. I stayed clear of the Chinese food. I don't want to even smell Chinese food for the next 10 years!
When we finally descended towards Cebu, I turned to Doug with tears in my eyes and said: We're home!
It was so great to be met by the girls and friends. The boys decided to stay home to study for exams.
Home sweet home. No matter how long you've been away, it is always good to come home --- to familiar, comfortable things, even if they are not perfect. The smells, the sights, the traffic, the tastes, the people --- I love them all! This is home for me.
After catching up with the kids on things they wanted to show us and hearing all their stories, I asked them to all go to bed to prepare for the exams tomorrow. I was tired and needed to plop into bed.
It was hot so I decided to take my cap off. While I undressed, I decided to take out the dressing to give a wound from my first cryosurgery a breather. I did this infront of a mirror in the dressing room. I must tell you that when I was in China, I avoided the mirror. I just did not have the courage to see with my eyes what was happening to me. But now I saw it all. I saw the scars of the surgery, scars where the tubes and needles were inserted. My skin on my chest has darkened like it was burned. I have bruises where they gave me multiple injections. I saw my bones sticking out and my muscles just hanging on to my frame which is now down to 40k. I looked at myself and could not believe what my eyes were seeing! Not too long ago, I thought of myself as an attractive woman. Now I look like an experiment that has gone terribly bad, a Frankenstein! I broke down and cried.
Doug did not know what was happening to me. Between my sobs and wails I poured out to him how I felt about seeing myself for the first time. He hugged and reassured me that things would get better. Still I cried --- I was devastated. In the midst of Doug telling me that my looks is not that important, a lovely lesson learned from Antoine de Saint Exupery's Little Prince came across my mind: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." Somehow that brought comfort to me. Bald and gaunt, I don't look like anything I was before, but deep inside, I am the essential me.
Then I thought about the vows we made 21 years ago on Jan. 28 --- for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do us part. When you are young, it sounds just like a cliche. After 21 years and facing life's challenges together, you realize that such vows are difficult to make and keep. Only God could give you the grace and strength to keep those vows and remain committed to each other --- no matter what life throws your way.
I washed my face and said: This is the last time I will feel sorry for myself. I know that the Lord is healing me and bringing complete restoration. He has promised to restore my health and bring fatness to my bones. He has promised to give me a new song of praise so that people will know and hear about him. This cancer may ravage my body and steal my looks, but it will never be able to extinguish the fire that the Lord has put inside of me.
Before I went to bed, I had to ask Doug: will you ever leave me? Of course not, he quickly answered. I fell asleep thankful.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Homeward Bound!
Hi Everyone,
Today is March 10 and we are counting the days until we leave on March 12! We are looking forward to seeing all the kids and be a family once again. We are happy that we can be home for Ben's high school graduation on March 25. We will be glad to eat some other cuisine besides Chinese! Doug was able to find a European bakeshop quite a ways from here which gave us a wonderful break from the usual food.
My siblings and mom from the US will be visiting us from March 20 to 27. This will be the first time all of us will be together since my brother's wedding in 2000. Since 4 of them live in 4 different states and my other brother in Manila, this will be a very special time for us to say the least! Although we live apart from each other, our bonds have remained strong through the years. What a blessing that is and a testament on how well we were raised by our mom.
We just want to take this time to thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! I sensed the Lord giving me strength during all the treatments that I underwent these last 5 weeks. My body was bombarded with so many drugs (both western and traditional Chinese) and I am thankful that the local chemo side effects have not been traumatic except for losing my hair.
After a month (around mid-April to mid-May), I will be returning to Guangzhou for the last 2 cycles of chemo and some follow up on the progress of my other treatments. I will be happy when this is all done. During this trip, we are thinking of letting Jonina travel with me to give her a break from all the responsibilities she had to take on while we were away this time. This will leave Doug to provide proper parental care for the other three kids and to attend to his other responsibilities as well.
I've had a lot of free time and have used this time to write in a blog. In case you would like to read more details of our stay here in Guangzhou, you may log in at http://marlasharpe.blogspot.com. I've enjoyed doing it and hope you enjoy reading it!
Thank you again for all your love, support and continued prayers! We can't make it without our family, friends and God's grace.
Today is March 10 and we are counting the days until we leave on March 12! We are looking forward to seeing all the kids and be a family once again. We are happy that we can be home for Ben's high school graduation on March 25. We will be glad to eat some other cuisine besides Chinese! Doug was able to find a European bakeshop quite a ways from here which gave us a wonderful break from the usual food.
My siblings and mom from the US will be visiting us from March 20 to 27. This will be the first time all of us will be together since my brother's wedding in 2000. Since 4 of them live in 4 different states and my other brother in Manila, this will be a very special time for us to say the least! Although we live apart from each other, our bonds have remained strong through the years. What a blessing that is and a testament on how well we were raised by our mom.
We just want to take this time to thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! I sensed the Lord giving me strength during all the treatments that I underwent these last 5 weeks. My body was bombarded with so many drugs (both western and traditional Chinese) and I am thankful that the local chemo side effects have not been traumatic except for losing my hair.
After a month (around mid-April to mid-May), I will be returning to Guangzhou for the last 2 cycles of chemo and some follow up on the progress of my other treatments. I will be happy when this is all done. During this trip, we are thinking of letting Jonina travel with me to give her a break from all the responsibilities she had to take on while we were away this time. This will leave Doug to provide proper parental care for the other three kids and to attend to his other responsibilities as well.
I've had a lot of free time and have used this time to write in a blog. In case you would like to read more details of our stay here in Guangzhou, you may log in at http://marlasharpe.blogspot.com. I've enjoyed doing it and hope you enjoy reading it!
Thank you again for all your love, support and continued prayers! We can't make it without our family, friends and God's grace.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Off with My Hair - March 7
Today was my day of reckoning. No more procrastination. No more excuses. I woke up this morning, surveyed what I looked like and decided I needed to do something about it. I asked Doug to help me shampoo my hair which just matted to my scalp. Even if most of my hair fell out, I still had this big knot at the top of my head. The people in Cebu know Budoy and can imagine what I looked like!
I asked Doug: please borrow the pair of scissors from our friend in 715. He came back with it and gave me one big snip! Then he proceeded to cut away the remaining strands. I put my hands over my face and just cried! After cutting, he tried to use his hand razor to give me a cleaner look but it didn't work. I look like a street kid who was given a bad haircut by the police for being in mischief!
I quickly put on a scarf. Doug looked at me and tried to reassure me that he always liked me with my hair up because "it accentuates my features." I told him: my hair isn't up: I don't have any hair! That's ok he said: it will grow back.
I haven't looked at myself since this morning. I don't think I can even take the scarf off. I know that its only hair but for a woman, I feel totally stripped of my dignity. I pray that soon doctors will find ways to treat breast cancer without having to dehumanize women.
I just hope I don't lose my eyebrows! I've never drawn eyebrows on my face so it will be a challenge if I lose them. Someone should make a stencil for eyebrows so that people like me can just plaster it on my face and fill in the spaces!
I remember what my mom said: its only hair. Yes, mom, its only hair but I want it back!
I asked Doug: please borrow the pair of scissors from our friend in 715. He came back with it and gave me one big snip! Then he proceeded to cut away the remaining strands. I put my hands over my face and just cried! After cutting, he tried to use his hand razor to give me a cleaner look but it didn't work. I look like a street kid who was given a bad haircut by the police for being in mischief!
I quickly put on a scarf. Doug looked at me and tried to reassure me that he always liked me with my hair up because "it accentuates my features." I told him: my hair isn't up: I don't have any hair! That's ok he said: it will grow back.
I haven't looked at myself since this morning. I don't think I can even take the scarf off. I know that its only hair but for a woman, I feel totally stripped of my dignity. I pray that soon doctors will find ways to treat breast cancer without having to dehumanize women.
I just hope I don't lose my eyebrows! I've never drawn eyebrows on my face so it will be a challenge if I lose them. Someone should make a stencil for eyebrows so that people like me can just plaster it on my face and fill in the spaces!
I remember what my mom said: its only hair. Yes, mom, its only hair but I want it back!
My Honey
When we arrived in Guangzhou last Feb. 6, there was another Filipina on the same flight who was also going for treatments at Fuda. Her name is Julie. She was alone. She was also diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006 and now it has metastasized to her bones. I asked her why she did not bring anyone with her. She said that her sister was supposed to go with her but later had to back out.
Later I found out that she is estranged from her husband. She has 3 kids with her (oldest being 12 and the youngest 8 if I remember right) in Saipan where she has been working as a waitress in a hotel for about 20 years. She had left all her kids with a friend.
When she got her PET scan results, she was heartbroken. The scan showed that she has some metastasis in the brain. The doctor here said that they cannot do any treatment regarding this situation and that she may have to go to Manila for radiation.
My heart goes out to Julie. She has only a young family and she is facing all these by herself. When we have a chance, we go down to see her (or she comes up to see us) just to chat or pray. She seems to be able to handle everything well and I am amazed at her resolve to do all she can for her children.
I then look at my situation and I feel extremely blessed. Doug has been with me through the difficult times especially after a treatment when I had to stay on my back for hours. He gets me my meals from elsewhere when I get sick of Chinese food. He buys fruit, nuts, bread and toiletries whenever he is out. He does the laundry and makes sure I always have clean pajamas. I am just thankful that I have him around.
As expected, he has become "the man" around here. The younger nurses fondly call him Uncle. When people want to go shopping or sight-seeing, they often ask him to come along. He introduced dimsum to some of the Fil-Ams and Fil-Cans here which they thoroughly enjoyed. He has become the friend of my doctor's husband and has baptized him with the English name John. He plays ping-pong with him, another Chinese and some Filipinos and is now the undisputed champ in the hospital!
I know that it hasn't been easy for him to not be so busy. Thank goodness for a gym that he found in a mall close by! The winter olympics provided great entertainment for him at times (except when they showed curling for hours on end!). I am beginning to think that boredom is slowly eating him up because the other day, I found him watching cartoons (he was happy to find Curious George!) and yesterday, he was intently watching a Chinese movie --- in Chinese without subtitles!
But it has been good just to be together. He hasn't commented on my looks even if I look like a mangy dog with my hair falling all over the place. I really appreciate that. Its been good just to have someone who is so solid when I am all melting in my emotional self at times. He reminds me of what the Lord has spoken and encourages me in my faith.
The proverb says: He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. I say: She who finds a good husband has hit the jackpot!
Later I found out that she is estranged from her husband. She has 3 kids with her (oldest being 12 and the youngest 8 if I remember right) in Saipan where she has been working as a waitress in a hotel for about 20 years. She had left all her kids with a friend.
When she got her PET scan results, she was heartbroken. The scan showed that she has some metastasis in the brain. The doctor here said that they cannot do any treatment regarding this situation and that she may have to go to Manila for radiation.
My heart goes out to Julie. She has only a young family and she is facing all these by herself. When we have a chance, we go down to see her (or she comes up to see us) just to chat or pray. She seems to be able to handle everything well and I am amazed at her resolve to do all she can for her children.
I then look at my situation and I feel extremely blessed. Doug has been with me through the difficult times especially after a treatment when I had to stay on my back for hours. He gets me my meals from elsewhere when I get sick of Chinese food. He buys fruit, nuts, bread and toiletries whenever he is out. He does the laundry and makes sure I always have clean pajamas. I am just thankful that I have him around.
As expected, he has become "the man" around here. The younger nurses fondly call him Uncle. When people want to go shopping or sight-seeing, they often ask him to come along. He introduced dimsum to some of the Fil-Ams and Fil-Cans here which they thoroughly enjoyed. He has become the friend of my doctor's husband and has baptized him with the English name John. He plays ping-pong with him, another Chinese and some Filipinos and is now the undisputed champ in the hospital!
I know that it hasn't been easy for him to not be so busy. Thank goodness for a gym that he found in a mall close by! The winter olympics provided great entertainment for him at times (except when they showed curling for hours on end!). I am beginning to think that boredom is slowly eating him up because the other day, I found him watching cartoons (he was happy to find Curious George!) and yesterday, he was intently watching a Chinese movie --- in Chinese without subtitles!
But it has been good just to be together. He hasn't commented on my looks even if I look like a mangy dog with my hair falling all over the place. I really appreciate that. Its been good just to have someone who is so solid when I am all melting in my emotional self at times. He reminds me of what the Lord has spoken and encourages me in my faith.
The proverb says: He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. I say: She who finds a good husband has hit the jackpot!
My second local chemo - March 4
I woke up at 2 am this morning and just felt the Lord embrace me with his peace. It was so comforting especially after all my raging emotions yesterday. I did not feel tired even if I stayed awake until 4 am. It was just so good to bask in the Lord's presence to lift up different loved ones in prayer.
The doctor came in and told me that I will be having my second chemo. What time, I asked. Sometime in the morning, she answered. I found out that the Chinese, like Filipinos, are more event oriented rather than time oriented --- but I found that maybe the Chinese are a bit more, especially in a hospital setting. You see, I like to prepare myself --- focus on the Lord, remembering his promises and my favorite verses. I really don't like to be taken by surprise especially when it comes to a treatment.
Anyway, a few minutes later, the doctor who would do the chemo and the interpreter came into my room and announced that I would be taken in at 3 pm. It was comforting to have some kind of time frame. But in the end, they took me in at about 2 pm.
It was a little disconcerting for me when I realized that the doctor who was doing the chemo did not speak a word of English. The nurse did but she was going in and out of the room. After my initial experience with my first chemo and my having difficulty in breathing, I would have felt more comfortable to know I could be understood in case I had problems. Thankfully, I did not have any adverse reactions today.
At one point, the nurse said something to me. After a few seconds, I realized that she asked me to hold my breath. I took a deep breath and held it. She told me not to do that, just hold my breath. So I did. I did not realize that she and the doctor were leaving the room (I had my eyes closed) to take an x-ray of the area where he was working on. So here I was holding my breath and wondering how long I would need to hold it. Just then, I heard the nurse's voice over a mike, asking me to hold my breath! I took a quick shallow and then held it for about 8 seconds but it felt like forever! I thought my lungs were going to explode! I am glad I survived.
I was back in my room after an hour. I had to keep my leg still for about 6 hours which wasn't fun but I tried to remind myself that it was nothing compared to the last cryo. I was hungry but just could eat only a little of the leftover food from lunch. I had one infusion after another. The doctor had given me a diuretic pill to help me get rid of the bloating in my stomach. It was like hitting 2 birds with 1 stone. You see, they advice you to drink lots of water after chemo so I don't have to suffer so much from the side effects. I could not do that because I always felt so bloated. So the pill was a blessing. But poor Doug had to fetch me the bed pan almost every 15 minutes! (to him it seemed like every 5 minutes!)
I ended the night just thanking the Lord for how well I was feeling. I had no fever and my body had adjusted to having the tube in my side. I did not feel too hot (although Doug said that the aircon was freezing!) and was really comfortable. The Lord is faithful! He has heard my cry and rescued me, delivering me from my fears! I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good --- over and over again!
Thank you so much for all your prayers and words of encouragement and hugs over cyberspace!
The doctor came in and told me that I will be having my second chemo. What time, I asked. Sometime in the morning, she answered. I found out that the Chinese, like Filipinos, are more event oriented rather than time oriented --- but I found that maybe the Chinese are a bit more, especially in a hospital setting. You see, I like to prepare myself --- focus on the Lord, remembering his promises and my favorite verses. I really don't like to be taken by surprise especially when it comes to a treatment.
Anyway, a few minutes later, the doctor who would do the chemo and the interpreter came into my room and announced that I would be taken in at 3 pm. It was comforting to have some kind of time frame. But in the end, they took me in at about 2 pm.
It was a little disconcerting for me when I realized that the doctor who was doing the chemo did not speak a word of English. The nurse did but she was going in and out of the room. After my initial experience with my first chemo and my having difficulty in breathing, I would have felt more comfortable to know I could be understood in case I had problems. Thankfully, I did not have any adverse reactions today.
At one point, the nurse said something to me. After a few seconds, I realized that she asked me to hold my breath. I took a deep breath and held it. She told me not to do that, just hold my breath. So I did. I did not realize that she and the doctor were leaving the room (I had my eyes closed) to take an x-ray of the area where he was working on. So here I was holding my breath and wondering how long I would need to hold it. Just then, I heard the nurse's voice over a mike, asking me to hold my breath! I took a quick shallow and then held it for about 8 seconds but it felt like forever! I thought my lungs were going to explode! I am glad I survived.
I was back in my room after an hour. I had to keep my leg still for about 6 hours which wasn't fun but I tried to remind myself that it was nothing compared to the last cryo. I was hungry but just could eat only a little of the leftover food from lunch. I had one infusion after another. The doctor had given me a diuretic pill to help me get rid of the bloating in my stomach. It was like hitting 2 birds with 1 stone. You see, they advice you to drink lots of water after chemo so I don't have to suffer so much from the side effects. I could not do that because I always felt so bloated. So the pill was a blessing. But poor Doug had to fetch me the bed pan almost every 15 minutes! (to him it seemed like every 5 minutes!)
I ended the night just thanking the Lord for how well I was feeling. I had no fever and my body had adjusted to having the tube in my side. I did not feel too hot (although Doug said that the aircon was freezing!) and was really comfortable. The Lord is faithful! He has heard my cry and rescued me, delivering me from my fears! I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good --- over and over again!
Thank you so much for all your prayers and words of encouragement and hugs over cyberspace!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Need your prayers - March 3
Yesterday, the ultrasound showed that my abdomen is filled with fluids. The doctor believes that this may be caused by low albumin in my blood. I would need 3 infusions of albumin and they will insert a tube in my abdomen to drain the fluids.
I am anxious about my next chemo which will be tomorrow. I am putting off the decision to shave off my hair and then this. I must admit that at this point, I am overwhelmed! I feel like I can't take it anymore. I just want to go home and forget about everything else. Right now my emotions are getting a hold on me.
Yet I know that the Lord sees me and knows what I am going through and he has comforted me with these words:
The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Ps. 32:8
For the word of the Lord holds true; and everything he does is worthy of our trust. Ps. 33:4
But the Lord's plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken. Ps. 33: 11
But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. Ps. 33:18-19
Many times the scripture in Joshua was shared to me: Be strong and courageous...for I am with you. Lord, help me to be strong and courageous. On my own, I can't be that. Only you are my source of strength and courage. Thank you Lord that you are with me and that your unfailing love is mine as I trust in you. Thank you that you are the one who keeps me from death even when I feel like it is tightening its grip on me. Thank you Lord that it is you who keeps me alive! You are leading me along this path and I know that your eye is ever upon me. I need not fear.
My dear family and friends, thank you for just listening to me and for all your prayers.
I am anxious about my next chemo which will be tomorrow. I am putting off the decision to shave off my hair and then this. I must admit that at this point, I am overwhelmed! I feel like I can't take it anymore. I just want to go home and forget about everything else. Right now my emotions are getting a hold on me.
Yet I know that the Lord sees me and knows what I am going through and he has comforted me with these words:
The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Ps. 32:8
For the word of the Lord holds true; and everything he does is worthy of our trust. Ps. 33:4
But the Lord's plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken. Ps. 33: 11
But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. Ps. 33:18-19
Many times the scripture in Joshua was shared to me: Be strong and courageous...for I am with you. Lord, help me to be strong and courageous. On my own, I can't be that. Only you are my source of strength and courage. Thank you Lord that you are with me and that your unfailing love is mine as I trust in you. Thank you that you are the one who keeps me from death even when I feel like it is tightening its grip on me. Thank you Lord that it is you who keeps me alive! You are leading me along this path and I know that your eye is ever upon me. I need not fear.
My dear family and friends, thank you for just listening to me and for all your prayers.
More on Guangzhou - March 2
We normally do not wake up to sunshine here in Guangzhou. It is usually foggy but it clears up towards the middle of the day or early afternoon. On Sunday, it was nice and warm. I had this craving for dimsum after watching a show last night so Doug and I decided that we would go out on a date after I was done my infusions.
A nurse wrote down the name of the hotel where she said they had good dimsum. We took a cab.
The cabs around here are not airconditioned. There is a railing between the driver and the passengers in the back. Usually, there is a TV screen attached to the back of the passenger seat infront which features commercials. The funny thing about the cab we took is that the driver found it inconvenient to make a u-turn to bring us right to the hotel. So he pointed out the hotel to Doug and dropped us off so that we could cross the highway and walk there ourselves! Hmmm, in the Phils. they drop us off right at the door!
Thankfully, it was not a long walk. We got to the restaurant and they handed us a Chinese menu. We asked if they had an English menu or at least a menu with pictures. No, they had none and the waitress could not speak a word in English. We had about 3 more personnel come to us and they too did not speak English. The only dish they could understand was hakao. We decided just to point at different dishes that people around us had ordered. I would have wanted to go all around the restaurant and look but the waitress kept on telling me to sit down. Oh well...
Whenever a waitress would bring us a dish, we would look at what other things she had on the tray and then order. Let me tell you, I left the place feeling 3 months pregnant but our taste buds were absolutely satisfied! I refuse to eat in Harbor City anymore. I am spoiled for the ordinary! Now I can't wait for another dimsum date!
Last night, Doug took me on the Pearl River Cruise. The Pearl River runs through the central part of Guangzhou.
To get there, we took a bus and rode on the Metro (Subway). I was really quite impressed with their mass transport system --- very much like Canada. Guangzhou is a very clean city. There are garbage bins everywhere. They have small malls --- nothing compared to SM or Ayala (or maybe I just haven't seen them) and they have lots of stand-alone shops all along the streets. There are many patches of green in the city --- little gardens, parks and trees. Residential buildings are often built close to each other, forming little communities with fruit stands, shops, hair salons, etc. close by.
The streets are wide, well paved and busy! Bicycles still abound and you really have to watch out for them! Sometimes they could be going the wrong way on the street which looks like its one way. I also noticed they have some tricyles --- more like the tuktuks in Malaysia. I just don't know their boundaries. Driving is much like the Philippines and honking the horn is acceptable.
We had quickly taken a meal at a Chinese fast food because at least they had pictures of their dishes. We boarded the boat and sat at the top deck. It was a nice leisurely trip, up and down the river. Many of the buildings were lighted up and we passed through 3 or 4 different kinds of bridges. The river itself is lined with trees. There are not too many billboards I noticed. If there are, size-wise, they are nothing compared to those in Manila!
A Chinese staff was probably talking about the different buildings and sites that we had passed but as expected, she only did it in Chinese. I thought: what a shame, it would have been nice to find out what she was talking about. Like most Filipinos, I am usually mistaken for a Chinese. People we encounter look to me and start yakking away in Chinese. I give them a bewildered look and tell them: English only. Actually, Doug knows more Chinese words than I do so this amuses them.
I am glad that I am able to see some of Guangzhou. Now, if I only had enough energy to go shopping...!
A nurse wrote down the name of the hotel where she said they had good dimsum. We took a cab.
The cabs around here are not airconditioned. There is a railing between the driver and the passengers in the back. Usually, there is a TV screen attached to the back of the passenger seat infront which features commercials. The funny thing about the cab we took is that the driver found it inconvenient to make a u-turn to bring us right to the hotel. So he pointed out the hotel to Doug and dropped us off so that we could cross the highway and walk there ourselves! Hmmm, in the Phils. they drop us off right at the door!
Thankfully, it was not a long walk. We got to the restaurant and they handed us a Chinese menu. We asked if they had an English menu or at least a menu with pictures. No, they had none and the waitress could not speak a word in English. We had about 3 more personnel come to us and they too did not speak English. The only dish they could understand was hakao. We decided just to point at different dishes that people around us had ordered. I would have wanted to go all around the restaurant and look but the waitress kept on telling me to sit down. Oh well...
Whenever a waitress would bring us a dish, we would look at what other things she had on the tray and then order. Let me tell you, I left the place feeling 3 months pregnant but our taste buds were absolutely satisfied! I refuse to eat in Harbor City anymore. I am spoiled for the ordinary! Now I can't wait for another dimsum date!
Last night, Doug took me on the Pearl River Cruise. The Pearl River runs through the central part of Guangzhou.
To get there, we took a bus and rode on the Metro (Subway). I was really quite impressed with their mass transport system --- very much like Canada. Guangzhou is a very clean city. There are garbage bins everywhere. They have small malls --- nothing compared to SM or Ayala (or maybe I just haven't seen them) and they have lots of stand-alone shops all along the streets. There are many patches of green in the city --- little gardens, parks and trees. Residential buildings are often built close to each other, forming little communities with fruit stands, shops, hair salons, etc. close by.
The streets are wide, well paved and busy! Bicycles still abound and you really have to watch out for them! Sometimes they could be going the wrong way on the street which looks like its one way. I also noticed they have some tricyles --- more like the tuktuks in Malaysia. I just don't know their boundaries. Driving is much like the Philippines and honking the horn is acceptable.
We had quickly taken a meal at a Chinese fast food because at least they had pictures of their dishes. We boarded the boat and sat at the top deck. It was a nice leisurely trip, up and down the river. Many of the buildings were lighted up and we passed through 3 or 4 different kinds of bridges. The river itself is lined with trees. There are not too many billboards I noticed. If there are, size-wise, they are nothing compared to those in Manila!
A Chinese staff was probably talking about the different buildings and sites that we had passed but as expected, she only did it in Chinese. I thought: what a shame, it would have been nice to find out what she was talking about. Like most Filipinos, I am usually mistaken for a Chinese. People we encounter look to me and start yakking away in Chinese. I give them a bewildered look and tell them: English only. Actually, Doug knows more Chinese words than I do so this amuses them.
I am glad that I am able to see some of Guangzhou. Now, if I only had enough energy to go shopping...!
Monday, March 1, 2010
For Hockey's Sake
Everyday its the same story. Doug wakes up the kids like a drill Sargent barking orders at 6 am for everyone to get up. But the troops are not cooperating. Amanda drags her feet to the bathroom, turns on the shower and just stands there, not even getting wet. The boys argue who should go first which depends on who slept earlier. When Ben finally gets his chance at the mirror, he takes time (I won't tell you how much time!) to make sure every strand of hair is carefully waxed and in place. On a bad hair day, John has been known to wax, wet, wax again his hair several times before he achieves his "look."
When the clock ticks after 7 am, Doug's volume is louder and his pitch higher. He sounds like he wants to evacuate a burning house but it has no effect at all for the turtles. Ben likes to read the sports page. John just remembered that he needs to print out an assignment. Amanda hasn't decided what to eat. In this volatile mix of stress and total indifference, Jonina likes to throw dagger looks to and fro. When she can't keep it in anymore, she spits out a stern, "Boys hurry up!" warning just to make her sentiments known.
After a few threats to leave them all behind, the turtles plod to the car. When the last door is shut and Doug speeds out of the driveway like an ambulance driver, it is not uncommon to hear, "Umm, Dad, do you have any mints? I forgot to brush my teeth."
But tomorrow, Monday, March 1, everything will be different. Those turtles will transform to energizer bunnies! They will wake up at 4 AM, shower, dress, eat and brush their teeth because at exactly 4:30 am, they will go over to our neighbor's house (thanks Andrey and Jen!) and watch the US vs. Canada Hockey game for Olympic Gold!
I couldn't believe it! Doug is not surprised. He said, "They're Canadians! Its in their blood!" Tonight, we skyped them at 8 pm and Ben who is the usual night owl is already asleep. John makes his bold prediction: Canada beats US 3 to 2 and then says good night. I don't even see Amanda's shadow --- all I hear is a hi and good night. The only one I could talk to about my adventures of the day was Jonina. I was excited to tell her that we found a cute nurse for Adrian Ding!
Monday, March 1
In our part of the world, Doug turned on the TV at 4:30 am and was happy to find out that they were covering the US vs. Canada game live! Let me just say it was a high energy, heart stopping, let-me-bash-you-hard-on-the-boards-with-intent-to-maim kind of play! After overtime, our son John's prediction came true: Canada beat the US 3 to 2 to win the gold medal! We can imagine that Andrey's house was the noisiest on the street where we live!
That was quite a game! Really enjoyed it!
When the clock ticks after 7 am, Doug's volume is louder and his pitch higher. He sounds like he wants to evacuate a burning house but it has no effect at all for the turtles. Ben likes to read the sports page. John just remembered that he needs to print out an assignment. Amanda hasn't decided what to eat. In this volatile mix of stress and total indifference, Jonina likes to throw dagger looks to and fro. When she can't keep it in anymore, she spits out a stern, "Boys hurry up!" warning just to make her sentiments known.
After a few threats to leave them all behind, the turtles plod to the car. When the last door is shut and Doug speeds out of the driveway like an ambulance driver, it is not uncommon to hear, "Umm, Dad, do you have any mints? I forgot to brush my teeth."
But tomorrow, Monday, March 1, everything will be different. Those turtles will transform to energizer bunnies! They will wake up at 4 AM, shower, dress, eat and brush their teeth because at exactly 4:30 am, they will go over to our neighbor's house (thanks Andrey and Jen!) and watch the US vs. Canada Hockey game for Olympic Gold!
I couldn't believe it! Doug is not surprised. He said, "They're Canadians! Its in their blood!" Tonight, we skyped them at 8 pm and Ben who is the usual night owl is already asleep. John makes his bold prediction: Canada beats US 3 to 2 and then says good night. I don't even see Amanda's shadow --- all I hear is a hi and good night. The only one I could talk to about my adventures of the day was Jonina. I was excited to tell her that we found a cute nurse for Adrian Ding!
Monday, March 1
In our part of the world, Doug turned on the TV at 4:30 am and was happy to find out that they were covering the US vs. Canada game live! Let me just say it was a high energy, heart stopping, let-me-bash-you-hard-on-the-boards-with-intent-to-maim kind of play! After overtime, our son John's prediction came true: Canada beat the US 3 to 2 to win the gold medal! We can imagine that Andrey's house was the noisiest on the street where we live!
That was quite a game! Really enjoyed it!
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