Raising Teenagers

My dear friend and fellow-blogger, Lolette suggested a topic for my next post: the joy of raising teenagers. Joy...teenagers? It seems like an oxymoron. Is there joy in raising teenagers? Challenge seems like a better word. Insanity is a close second.

Teenagers are bundles of contradictions. They want you to treat them like adults but they act like kids half their age. They want their freedom but don't give them any responsibilities because, "Mom, that's your job! I'm just a kid!" They think its ok when they walk around the house in their underwear like when they were toddlers. When it comes to their clothes, your opinions hold no candle to what they think is hip and acceptible.

Just recently our two teenage sons came home 2 hours after their curfew. Like any good parent, we discipline our children with the hope that they will learn to live within the boundaries we put around them, in order to protect them and help them make wise choices for themselves when they grow up. No matter what age, discipline is never fun for a kid. When I started having kids, people told me to beware of the terrible twos. When it comes to discipline, I would rather have 20 two year olds anytime instead of my 2 teenage sons for 3 reasons: first, most toddlers are less than 3 feet tall which makes it easier for a mom to take a child over her knee into spanking position. Secondly, you don't have to explain to a toddler why you are punishing him. All you have to do is blurt out a sharp "No!" and whack his little hand or his little behind. Thirdly, because a toddler's vocabulary is limited, he can't talk back to you.

Now, lets go to my 2 teenage sons: one is 6 ft. and the other 5'10" (includes spiked hair). It would be pretty cumbersome for me to try to pick them up and put them in spanking position. In fact, they could easily pick up my small 5'3" frame without much effort! Whacking their behinds? I may break my hand because after working out in the gym, they brag about having buns of steel! Secondly, they want a precise, logical explanation why they must be punished. I'm beginning to think a year of law school may be good training for mothers of future teeners. Thirdly, they can talk your head off, turning every stone to come up with every reason why they should not be punished. For every half sentence you give, expect 5 sentences from them. Before you know it, you're mentally exhausted and you can't remember why you were disciplining them in the first place! Give me those toddlers anytime!

Going back to their infraction of curfew-busting: my husband Doug talked to the boys a little at the breakfast table to remind them that their action the night before could not go without consequence. They would have to be grounded. He had to leave for work so I was left behind like Daniel in the lions den.

"Mom, how long is our grounding?" asked Ben.

"Well, I wanted it to be until you're 35 but dad thought I should be more merciful so we decided 1 month is enough."

"What! One month for coming home late only once!" Ben could not believe his fate.

"Actually, that covers all the other times when you should have been grounded in the past but we just let it go."

"Mom, isn't there a verse in the bible that says you can't do that!" All of a sudden, my son who doesn't read the bible unless we ask him to has become biblical! I remember when he was 5, I asked him, "What does the bible say about what you should do when someone hits you on one cheek?" Ben answered, "Hit him on the other!" I should have recognized the signs early on. Now, he wrinkled his forehead, trying to remember a verse.

"Do you mean the 11th commandment?," I tried to help him remember, "The one that says, Parents thou shalt not punish your children for more than 1 sin at a time? Sorry, that verse doesn't exist."

"I know: its don't keep a record of sins!" Ben sounded triumphant that he finally remembered something.

"Hmmm, that does not include parents! Parents have to remember their children's sins so that they can punish them," I concluded. If he can't give me the reference of the verse, I can just give him my interpretation of it!

"Mom, one month is not fair!" John blurted out. This son has a future as a trial lawyer at best or a police interrogator. Many times I long for the days when he was only 1 year old and all he could say was "mama." Then, it was like music to my ears. Now, when he calls my name, the hair on my nape stands on end and I hold my breath for what comes next!

"John, life is never fair so live with that!" I told him philosophically.

"Is that in the bible?" he asked.

"No, its from the School of Hard knocks!"

After going through more grumblings, I found my mind wandering. I looked at my two sons and asked myself: did I really give birth to these two? I was an obedient child so how could I give birth to two rebellious boys? I began to come up with a fantasy: maybe my "real sons" were switched at birth! Somewhere in the city, my "real sons" are obedient kids who never bust their curfew, they study without being nagged, read their books and fill their notebooks with notes (not graffiti), receive every academic award in school, never run out of allowance, are kind and considerate to their sisters...

All of a sudden, my mind goes back to the present when I feel a kiss on my cheek.
"I love you mom," says Ben.

"I love you too son."

A little later, I hear John call out, "Mom!" The hair on my nape stands and I am holding my breath for what comes next.

"Give me a hug, " John says.

I stretch out my arms and we hug. John gives me a kiss on the top of my head.

I smile and tell myself: until I get reunited with my "real sons," I think I'll just keep these two: they may not be so bad after all.