Off with My Hair - March 7

Today was my day of reckoning. No more procrastination. No more excuses. I woke up this morning, surveyed what I looked like and decided I needed to do something about it. I asked Doug to help me shampoo my hair which just matted to my scalp. Even if most of my hair fell out, I still had this big knot at the top of my head. The people in Cebu know Budoy and can imagine what I looked like!

I asked Doug: please borrow the pair of scissors from our friend in 715. He came back with it and gave me one big snip! Then he proceeded to cut away the remaining strands. I put my hands over my face and just cried! After cutting, he tried to use his hand razor to give me a cleaner look but it didn't work. I look like a street kid who was given a bad haircut by the police for being in mischief!

I quickly put on a scarf. Doug looked at me and tried to reassure me that he always liked me with my hair up because "it accentuates my features." I told him: my hair isn't up: I don't have any hair! That's ok he said: it will grow back.

I haven't looked at myself since this morning. I don't think I can even take the scarf off. I know that its only hair but for a woman, I feel totally stripped of my dignity. I pray that soon doctors will find ways to treat breast cancer without having to dehumanize women.

I just hope I don't lose my eyebrows! I've never drawn eyebrows on my face so it will be a challenge if I lose them. Someone should make a stencil for eyebrows so that people like me can just plaster it on my face and fill in the spaces!

I remember what my mom said: its only hair. Yes, mom, its only hair but I want it back!