Today I would have my second cryo on the tumor on my liver. I decided to wash my hair because it may be a couple of days before I can wash it again. Doug helped me because I still had a dressing on my chest for my first cryo. I wasn't prepared for what happened.
While shampooing and rinsing, I noticed that a large amount of hair started to come off when I ran my fingers through my head. "Doug, I'm losing my hair!"
He answered matter of factly, "The doctor said it would."
"But Theresa (my sister in law) told me she lost her hair after the second chemo!"
"That's her experience," he answered again matter of factly.
Well at that point, I did not want matter of factly, I wanted sympathy! I wanted to cry and cry hard! But then I thought to myself: You have a cryo today. The Lord has given you peace about this. Don't disrupt this peace by adding more than you can handle. So I decided to put my feelings about my hair loss in the back burner for the meantime.
After my quiet time and prayer, the nurse came to the room a little past 8 to take me down to the operating room. I gave Doug a hug and just wanted to cry -- I'm not sure why.
I entered the operating room and remembered that I needed to go to the toilet. That was a mistake. The nurse led me to their scrub room and showed me where the toilet is --- its a squat toilet. First of all I had to figure out how to hold my pajamas so that I don't pee all over it and then try to get to standing position from squatting without hurting myself!
I got on the operating table and did not go to sleep as quickly as the first time. The surgeon had arrived and started to do an ultrasound to find the tumor. I thought: I better not close my eyes. They might think I am out and start with the procedure when I'm really still awake! But in no time, I went to sleep, seeing in my mind's eye the Lord cradling me in his arms.
I woke up after 9 am. They had bound my torso with something like a girdle and a sandbag in the area where I had surgery so that I could not move too much. Dr. Zhang saw me past 10 and was non-committal about when I will be sent back to the room. I guess they have to monitor me longer for signs of internal bleeding. So I tried to go back to sleep.
By 1:30 pm I had enough sleep and was famished and thirsty. The girdle feels like a strait jacket and I can feel every groove of the bed. It was getting hot and I started to kick off my covers but first I had to make sure my pajama pants were on. I did not want to accidentally moon the nurses at ICU!
I started to worship, pray, count the spots of the ceiling and tried to figure out how they got there. I have to have 9 infusions and each is excruciatingly slow. Thankfully, at 4:30 they let me go back to the room. As I stood up, I looked at the pillow: I wanted to go back with the same amount of hair as when I entered. I'm glad I am.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment